LSS OF THE DAY: "WHAT YOU OWN"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

No, I will never get tired of it, so there.






I finally found the studio version of "Innocent" that David Cook sang. Yahooooooooo!







I cannot believe that Michael Johns got eliminated from American Idol. I mean, he was one of the best! Syesha should have gone home instead of him! This is so frustrating! ARGH!!!!







Okay, calm down. *inhale-exhale*







Only less than two hours before I turn nineteen! Yay!

Labels: American Idol, birthdays, crap, happy, relapse, RENT

*This post has been edited.

LSS OF THE DAY: "WITHOUT YOU"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

*sigh*





I haven't heard from him since yesterday. And he said that the message he sent me wasn't supposed to be for me. Oh, fine. Whatever.





Do you think I'm paranoid? Thinking of a guy who clearly doesn't think or give a damn about me? I hate it when I feel this way. I feel so helpless.






Maybe I really should move on. Maybe I really should forget about him. But, as I always say, "Easier said than done".






When my friends ask how "we're" doing, I don't know what to say to them. I usually shrug and try to answer as indifferently as I could; but knowing them, I could tell that they can see that it's not just that. I know they can see the hurt and confusion in my eyes, but thankfully, they don't bring it up.





I keep on asking myself, "Why do I even bother?"; and a little voice in my head answers: "Because you love him". ARGH! Stupid voice.





I thought that I was going to enjoy my summer vacation. Kick back, relax and all that stuff. I am relaxing, but when I'm not doing anything my mind tends to wander; and mre often than not, I keep on thinking about him. What he's doing, how he is, if he ever thinks about me, or if I ever cross his mind even for a split second....NO! STOP IT!






As odd and as mean as it sounds, I want to see him bleed as much as I did, and still do, as matter of fact. I want to see that he's really affected, I don't want to just hear him say, "Yeah, I got affected" because it's not enough. I want to SEE it; in his face, in his actions, in everything that he does. I want to see that I'm not the only one suffering from this problem of ours. I know it sounds harsh, but I'm still feeling a little bitter towards him.






*sigh*

I LOVE YOU. EVEN THOUGH YOUR KILLING ME

I'm breaking down. When will this end?

..will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?

Labels: crap, depression and tears, love thing, questions, relapse, RENT, shitty

LSS OF THE DAY: "FINALE B"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

Sooooooooooo many things have happened since my last update. So, what are we waiting for? Let's get to it!






The Debate, our finals in English, went well. I was part of the Opposition with Meg and Ella while Mark Anido, Waki and Rissa made up our Government. We were given three topics to research on and then our professor will just randomly select one on the day of the debate itself. The three topics were: 1.) UST: 4oo Years Of Student Empowerment, or 400 Years of Colonialism?; 2.) Migration: A Success Or Failure To Nationalism?; and 3.) English As A Classroom Medium Of Instruction. We feverishly debated amongst ourselves and absorbed every little detail that we could come across. On the day of the debate itself, we found out that we were going to go against either the students from Sociology or Political Science; I remember my head shooting up to look warily at whoever said it. I just realized then that Danzel was in Sociology, so, yeah, that meant that he just MIGHT be there. I prayed in my head that he wasn't going to be there so I pushed him out of my thoughts since I had a debate to worry about.






It was also the first day of our final examinations on Thursday so we had to cram two other subjects (HR and Stat) aside from all the information we got from our classmates. We staggered out of the classroom as soon as we passed our papers and started reading through our notes; our last exam ended at 12:40 and the debate was scheduled at 1p.m., so no lunch break. We had to change clothes because our professor said that we had to look "professional".






So, we trudged to the Tan Yan Kee Student Center, up to the fourth floor, and into the AVR; the same place where we had the Team Building seminar the week before. I scanned the room; no tall, dark, thin guy with a goatee. I sighed in relief. Our professor was announcing who'll battle against who and, surprise, surprise! We were gonna go against Socio and our topic was the English thing, which by far was the easiest. My knees were shaking by the time we were walking towards the table where we were assigned. I took several deep breaths while waiting for the Government side speak up.






The first speaker lacked the conviction that a person needed to sound strong and sure, but we listened intently to what she had to say so we could point out any flaws in their arguments. Meg did a great job at countering their speeches; the Deputy Prmie Minister of the Government had such a soft voice that I could only get bits and pieces of her speech and that was what I needed! So when it was my turn to speak, I couldn't think of any other thing to say so I had to cut short my speech by three minutes or so. And guess what? While I was talking, HE walked in; he even hid behind our professor and I saw some of his classmates proding him. When I sat down, I knew he was looking at me the whole time but I kept my head turned the other way. And, WE WON!







Sadly, Mark, Rissa and Waki lost to Political Science. No offense, but some fo them were straying off the topic and yet they won? Biased!






So anyway, after the debate, to our surprise, Trish (our class president) and Cel (our vice-president) bought food for us, courtesy of the whole class. You could just imagine how hungry we were. THANKS GUYS!






We hung out in school for awhile; me, Meg, Albert, Simon and Jo, who joined us a little later, stayed in Lovers Lane. A little later, I looked at my phone, and I saw that Danzel texted me.



(originally in Tagalog, but I translated it into English)
D: Hey, Marvs wants to get your number. Is it okay if I give it to him? (Marvs was the guy Danzel was campaigning for in the elections and we've been friends since)
L: Sure! And can you tell him that I'll get his number from Jo since I'm with her anyway?
D: Yeah, Jo just texted me. Where are you?
L: In Lovers Lane.
D: Do you want me to go there.
L: It's okay with me. You're not busy or anything?
D: Nope. I'm not doing anything.
L: Okay. But are you sure you wanna come? Meg's here. (Yes, they know each other; they tease each other a lot so I just made sure)
D: You don't want me to go?
L: I said it's okay. I was just asking.
D: You might be mad at me. By the way, congratulations on your win. You did a great job.
L: What makes you think that I'm mad at you? Oh, thanks.
D: Oh, nothing. I'll be there a little later.

But then, the guard shooed us off becuase of the curfew. So I texted him.

L: Hey, they're making us leave. How's that?
D: Let's still meet. I'm near the field. I'll meet you there.

By this time, Meg and Simon already left so it's just me, Albert and Jo. He came, we went out to P. Noval, Albert left us, then we went to Jolibbee in Lacson. Since Jo and Danzel are both from the same political party, all they talked about was politics and I just butted in once in a while. When Jo stood up to order ice cream I asked him:

L: What made you think that I was mad at you?
D: (looks down) Nothing, really. It just crossed my mind.

He really wouldn't look at me in the eye while were talking. Around quarter to midnight, we decided that it was time to leave. Jo went straight out while were turned right to Dapitan. We talked until we reached my dorm. When he left, I texted him:

L: Hey, Danz. Thanks for meeting us and for taking me to the dorm. Take care, okay?
D: Sure, that was nothing. But next time, it just has to be the two of us.

I was a bit surprised at what he said but I decided to let it slide.





The next day, we didn't have classes but we weren't given time to relax because we promised Jo that we'd help her out with her staffing duties for the Baccalureate Mass. We distributed the food, ordered the Seniors around and stuff like that. While we were doing all that stuff, Danzel and I were still texting. He was supposed to be there but his parents forced him to go home. We were busy for the whole day; tiring, but fun.


L: So, this is what you do.
D: Yeah. Do you understand me now?
L: I always have. That's why I'm leaving you alone.
D: Ah. By the way, what is it with you and Albert?
L: Albert? Why?
D: Nothing. Just asking.
L: He's part of our group. Why?
D: Nothing.
L: Okay. So, I guess we should forget about it, huh?
D: I don't think so. Let's stay neutral.
L: Neutral?
D: Yeah. Whatever's happening now, let's keep it that way.
L: Okay.

I forgot what else we talked about since it was around this time that we were already watching the fireworks. While we were getting the Seniors ready to pas under the Arc of the Centuries, Kuya Ace, one of the Staffers, approached us and told us that Simon was in the hospital. Apparently, he collapsed while he was doing what he was supposed to do; I kind of expected someone to give way at any time but I wasn't expecting him. So after everything was done, we went to the hospital and watched over Simon until his parents came back. We left around quarter to 12.







The next day, we had an exam in Biology at 10a.m. And right after that, Danzel texted me again, asking me if I could accompany him somewhere. I agreed, so we arranged the time and place of where we were going to meet. After we did what he asked me to do, I got ready for the Launching of the Behavioral Science Federation. Meg came over and she put make-up on me. The pictures are still being uploaded on my Multiply. I had a lot of fun. Kuya JPaul kept on taking pictures of me and Jan. Crazy guy. Then we went to the GAP victory party afterwards. Meg ahd to leave early and I got back to the dorm around 1a.m.







The next day, Sunday, I was too lazy to get out of bed. And, surpise! Danzel texted me again asking if I could hear Mass with him. I couldn't say no. So I went to UST around 3:30 just so I can have time for myself. Marvs was there too so we hung out for a bit while we waited for Danzel. When he came, they smoked a bit, then we went to McDonald's. He even laid his arm on my leg when I was facing him. Marvs left so it was just me and him going to Church. There were a lot of people so we stayed outside. When it came to the "Peace be with you" part, I turned to face him, when I felt him kiss me on the cheek AND half of my lips. I was stunned beyong words. When he saw the look on my face he said that he and his blockmates do it everytime they hear Mass together. I just laughed it off.







Looking back on that, I still wonder where's the "neutral" that he told me. Oh well. We'll see.....







Exams are over! We went to Trinoma right after our last exam and went to Red Box for videoke. So much fun! Can't wait to do it again.







I'm home in Dagupan now. And I'm sooooooo tired!







I have so much more to say, but right now, I really have to sleep.







See yah later, love!

Labels: confusion, crap, depression and tears, friends, friends and laughter, likes and dislikes, love, love thing, relapse, RENT, summer

LSS OF THE DAY: "WITHOUT YOU"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

Dear lord, I'm exhausted.






Last Saturday, I didn't go home. So yeah, I was stuck in my cave (dorm).






And last Sunday, I had to attend this thing for LTS; okay, it was a Mass and sort of like a closing program but I found it to be dull. And what was worse was that the NSTP coordinator told us off for being noisy, TWICE! That was so humiliating. And to think, we're in college and yet we still act like a bunch of pre-schoolers. Oh well. We stayed in school until 8pm. As always, we played frisbee even though it was pretty dark. Lots of one-on-one moments that I'll never forget.






Sarah and Mau broke up; but I think they're together again. Or is it just my imagination?






My ninang from the States called me yesterday just to check on how I was doing. I was really touched when she told me that she misses me. She's one of those old people who knows how to relate to today's generation, since she has two kids who are just a few years older than me. She told me stories about her younger days, when she and my tito weren't married yet. Their courtship, how they were able to handle their break-up and still remained close, and how he proposed. Needless to say, it was nakakakilig; and coming from her, that's saying a lot! I told her about my current "situation" with--well, you know who; she told me some stuff and I'd rather not say them here. Ssssshhh! I can't wait for her to call again.






And I am very pleased to say that as of yesterday, I have a son! Not biological, of course. Remember our family tree? Iris is my "mom", Meg and Janel are my "daughters", Sarah's our "dog", Gian's my "sister", Albert's my "brother-in-law", Simon's my "stepfather"; we don't have positions for Judith, Claudette and Jigo yet, and now Jay (Albert's friend, who's been hanging out with us) is now my "son". Me, Meg, Albert and Jay stayed in school until seven last night in Lovers Lane. Just talking. Meg even took a video of Jay and his inability to do the steps that Jigo did last week; now I have something to laugh at when I'm depressed. No offense, Jay; love yah, m'boy!






And tomorrow's gonna be a busy day for us.

MARCH 12, 2008 (Wednesday)

8:00 - 9:00 -> Meet up at the Pav for Stat
9:00 - 12:00 -> Debate drill
12:00 - 3:00 -> CLASSES
3:00 - 4:00 -> Exam in Theology (should have been today but she didn't show up)

*and some time between 4:00-7:00 we have to take a quiz in Bio through E-Leap AND attend the election of officers for BESSCIFED.

Is that busy, or is that busy?






Which reminds me, I have to write down all that stuff that Meg told me for the debate. I volunteered to replace Judith since she really wasn't into it. At least I made someone's day.






I'm beginning to notice something. But I wouldn't want to sound hasty or anything, so I'll just sit back and watch how everything will turn out.






I saw him awhile ago in front of our building, while I was talking to Albert. I hate it when I get shivers down my spine everytime I see him. I am so weak. Pathetic, really.

"If he doesn't make a move, forget about him" - my friends.

But the thing is, I'm already trying. Why isn't it working?

Labels: BesFed, crap, decisions, depression and tears, emotions, exhaustion, family, love thing, relapse, reminders, RENT, revelations, schedules, school, school woes

LSS OF THE DAY: "WILL I"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here I go again.






When was my last update? So anyway, two days ago (March 5, Wednesday), we had this team building thing with the other section. I have to admit, it was fun! I learned a lot from my fellow BESmates and I'm really looking forward to the times when we'll be working together again. And I made new friends too. We did this "Amazing Race" sort fo thing where we had to run from the fourth floor of the Tan Yan Kee building to Lovers Lane, to the field, to the Quadri, then back to TYK. I didn't eat a lot so I wasn't running as fast I should; and I even fell three times in one of the activities! But it was worth it. I'll post my pictures the next time I get home, which is like, after forever?







We even played frisbee until quarter to ten after that! Me, Meg, Jigo, and Albert stayed and later some people from BES2 joined us.






My body was so sore yesterday that I had the slightest difficulty in walking and moving a lot.







And speaking of yesterday, I was high-depressed. I was high because I was depressed. I was tired, I was depressed, and I was pissed. Some people just don't know how to show respect to some people and they don't know when to keep their mouths shut. I swear, I wanted to slap them just to keep them quiet. Many times I just wanted to tell them off, just to show how pissed I was, but I kept telling myself to be patient. Some of them asked how I was since I was so quiet and that I kept on staring into space; I appreciate their concern, but they don't know the real reason. I was really high-strung yesterday; thank goodness I was able to let off some steam.







*sigh* So many things have been happening for the past few days. Sometimes I wonder if it's all just coincidence or..I dunno..fate? I mean, what are the odds of us seeing each other in the same place three times? (Yes, I'm counting, but so what?!) He tried to get my attention last night, but pride kept me from acknowledging him completely. After everything that happened, he still thinks that everything's okay between us? Sure, he textes me more now, even though it's already super late; but still! Why does he even bother? I'm still hurting from what he did and I haven't totally forgiven him.






Although, alright, I admit, I still care for the guy; heck, I LOVE him for crying out loud! But I still can't bring myself to fully accept what he said.






But...I may say that I'm mad at him now, but when the time comes that he'll ask for a second chance, I know that I'm gonna give it to hom. My feelings are too strong; I can't avoid that. Call me stupid, call me a bitch, call me desperate, I DON'T CARE.







Just like what Albert and Jo told me last night, "He doesn't deserve you. Move on". Easier said that done, I'm afraid. But I am trying, really!

"Sometimes in my darkest thoughts, I wish I never learned what it is to be in love and have that love returned". - Written In The Stars, AIDA.

I won't be going home. Oh well. And exams are coming up. Crunch time, baby!








'Til next time, love!

Labels: depression and tears, friends, love, love thing, relapse, RENT

LSS OF THE DAY: "FINALE B"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

I know your probably fed up with all my RENT crap, but dear, it's my head and it's my life so there's nothing you can do to change my mind. I love you!






I'm being sarcastic today. I wonder why.






I'm in the library computer lab typing my position paper in Theology since they didn't have any vacant computers in Netopia.





But before I went there, I withdrew money from my ATM since I was running low on cash, and I had to pay for my dorm. As I was walking there, I was calculating in my head how much money I should withdraw; dorm, pictures for the scrapbook for LTS, laundry, internet time, food..I guess that was it. So after I got the money, walked to Netopia and when they told me that they didn't have any vacancy, a voice in the back of my head said: "It's a sign, Lui; God doesn't want you to spend a lot today". Needless to say, I heeded that voice so I decided to go to the library and use my FREE internet browsing priviledges. GOD IS GOOD!






It was our last meeting in P.E. today; and our written exam was pretty easy. When Professor Adri asked, "Where was the last men's football league held?" (or something like that, I couldn't remember the exact question); we all stared blankly at her for a few seconds before she said, "You already have a clue". It was then I noticed that she was wearing a FIFA shirt with the German flag on it. Praying that that was what she meant, I wrote it down. And guess what? That was it! I laughed so hard afterwards. After that, Prof. let us play a bit so we started running across the field and when the guys asked if we wanted to play with them, we agreed, naturally! Had a lot of fun. I'm gonna miss going to P.E. every Tuesday at 7am to 9am. And it is our very last P.E. Very sad.







Oh yeah, yesterday, we went to Janel's house since Mark had to make a Powerpoint presentation for our Computer class. We were supposed to do our project in Theology but since Janel said that her parents wouldn't want her to be alone with a guy in the house, we went too. Janel doesn't have Theology this semester so we had to "pretend" that we were doing something else. After awhile, we started making fun of each other, taking pictures, playing "heart-breaking" songs (I almost cried because some of them made me really depressed), jammed with Mau as he played the guitar, had heart-to-heart conversations, danced and sang along (Janel took a video of me dancing alone and of me dancing with Sarah and Meg; I hope she doesn't upload it on Multiply. I'll never show my face in public again if she does!) and just had fun. We ended up going home around past 10pm.






I've noticed that we keep on coming home late over the past few weeks. But I'm telling you, that's just a taste of what will happed to us next year. I'll explain it some other time.





Something's wrong with Yahoo! Mail; a dialog box keeps on popping out about "failing to retrieve the weather data" and whatever. It's annoying.






I'm multi-tasking! I'm typing here, I'm typing my paper, AND I'm reading FanFiction!






Friendster and Multiply are blocked from the computers here so I can't check them out. And Sir Eric finally approved my invitation!






And when I'm done here, I have to run out to Dapitan and have it printed.







*sigh* I hope I don't see him today. PLEASE don't let me see him today. My day started out great and I don't want it to go crashing down if I see him.





Okay, now I really have to finish my paper since my class will be starting in an hour. I have to write three pages; but the font is Arial and the font size is 14 AND it's 1.5 spacing. Yeah, I can do it.







Catch yah later, love!

Labels: bad/happy day, crap, emotions, friends, friends and laughter, heartbreak, love thing, random, relapse, RENT, rush, school, school woes

LSS OF THE DAY: "LOVE HEALS"

From: RENT[Movie/Musical]

No matter how much I want to choke on those words, I still love the song; because it came from RENT.






My head's aching a bit.






I'm being random, can you tell?





Tony's carrying a virus because the darn computer shop I went to had it and now whenever I plug Tony in, it comes out! UGH!






I still feel sleepy.





Papers, papers, papers, papers, papers, papers, papers......






After seeing him last Friday, I hope that I NEVER see him again. Everytime I do see him, I feel as if my heart's being clenched with iron fingers. It hurts so badly, I can't breathe.






The presentation I made for our assignment in Computer was okay; subject? My friends, of course.






Dad, Pats and Monsi came to visit me yesterday, and I had fun with them. I miss them already. Albert was right; I need to go home once in a while to "recharge my batteries", as he said.






I'm using the computer here in the computer lab. Our professor hasn't showed up yet so I'm making this post. Stat after this; great. I don't want to know my score from the last quiz. I'm certain that I failed it. DAMN, DAMN, DAMN.






I answered a lot of surveys on Multiply. I like doing that. Feel free to check them out: http://lauredilian.multiply.com






Gonna play football again on Wednesday.





I ate a whole pack of cookies yesterday and today. And I still want more. I hate being depressed. Does anybody eles have cookies? Or chocolate? I'm desperate!!






P.E. tomorrow; is it the last meeting already? I haven't researched on the rules of them game yet.

"There are those who shield their hearts, those who quit before they start. Who frozen up the part of them that feels.." - Love Heals, RENT

Labels: crap, depression and tears, random, relapse, RENT

LSS OF THE DAY: "I'LL COVER YOU"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

It is so back!






The highlight of my week was when we went to the Mass held for Jun Lozada in La Salle on Sunday. I had a blast! Upon entering the campus, the people stood up and applauded when my tito walked in; me and my cousin were like, "Okay, keep walking, keep walking", although we did have like, 10 seconds of fame. And we sat just a few seats away from Tito Joey! And he still recognized me, despite the fact that we've only met once and that was like, a year ago. When Jun Lozada came in, all the reporters just pushed and shoved us out of the way just so they can get a shot of him. The mass was great; the homily the priest said was so uplifting.






And when the people stood up and sang "BAYAN KO", that was really beautiful. I took a video of it and I'll upload it when I have the time.





Grizzly Bear's coming over to UST later and we're gonna play frisbee!






Sorry for the really short post, but I really must dash.





Catch yah later, love!

Labels: dirty politics, relapse, RENT, rush

LSS OF THE DAY: "TANGO: MAUREEN"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

I listened to that the whole day yesterday; I really couldn't get enough of Joanne's beautiful voice.





I'm in the school library coz I'm saving on money.





I went to Baguio with ym relatives on Sunday and I just got back yesterday. The trip wasn't that long which surprised me a bit. It was like traveling from Dagupan to Manila; it didn't feel like we were coming from Baguio. I rode with Tito Jarius, Ate Menia and Kuya Abner since everyone else was left behind. Dad, Pats and Mon went straight to Dagupan, while Tita Marissa, Tita Melanie, Tita Inday, Tito Jim, Tita Vanessa, Tito John, Ally and Lauren followed around before lunch. I could have stayed with them but I think my Dad was concerned that I might get to the dorm late.





Had a lot of fun. It was sooooooooooooooooooooooooo cold! I was already wearing pajamas, a long-sleeved shirt and socks but I was still shivering when I woke up. And it got even colder when I went upstairs for breakfast.





All my relatives (except for Tito Jarius and Tita Marissa) came from the States so I guess they're used to the cold.





I went to DS on Saturday. I missed talking to my friends there. Watched their field demo. I had a moment of weakness while I was filming it and I'd rather not mention it here 'coz I know someone will make fun of me for it. Ms. Manaois even talked me into riding the ferris wheel with her. I got a little dizzy after that since I wasn't really used to riding that thing. Nico had to drag me inside just to sit down so I could regain my equillibrium.






And speaking of Nico, I'm glad I have a friend like him. He's really nice and he makes me laugh. He's, in a word, malambing also. He likes to hold my hand in a very "sisterly-brotherly" way, since I do consider him as one of my "younger siblings" in school; and besides, I was classmates with is older brother in high school so that kinda makes our ties a bit stronger than the rest. Although some people thought that we were an "item" *cough*Chad!*cough*, we're just enjoying each other's company.





When Romeo came in with his family, he nudged me and told me that "there's your mother-in-law, sisters-in-law and brother-in-law"; even Jude (Romeo's brother) nudged him too, but I ignored them. There's nothing to say anyway.






I haven't made my lesson plan yet! I am in sooooooooooooooooo much trouble!







Well, I have to go. My classes start in thirty minutes.






'Til later, love!

Labels: family, friends, friends and laughter, past love and new hate, relapse, RENT, school, school woes

LSS OF THE DAY: "I'LL COVER YOU"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

Yeah, yeah. You know the drill, sweetums.




*sigh*




..what? Oh. Yeah.




*shakes head*





I'm getting sick. I have the sniffles now and my throat's starting to hurt again. Ugh.






Anyway..





It's hard..you know. Pretending to be happy, when deep inside, your dying. Sometimes I wish that I could just rip my heart out and throw it away so I won't feel anymore. Sometimes I wish I don't have a soul so I could simply walk around, lifeless; that way I wouldn't feel the hurt, the shame, even the happiness that engulfs me. Sometimes, I wish, I'm not alive. I'm sick and tired of feeling. I'm sick and tired of EVERYTHING.






No, no, no..







Stop it already, Lui. You have to stop..

Labels: depression and tears, love thing, relapse, RENT

LSS OF THE DAY: "WILL I"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

It has been awhile..and I miss updating. And I CAN'T use smileys. Really, really sad.





I'm in Antipolo right now, with my relatives. My cousin, Nina, and I met up in Jollibee Philcoa yesterday since we both didn't know how to get here by commuting so we asked Kuya Aga (our tito's driver) to pick us up from there. And our cute little niece, Isabella, has been keeping us busy; we've been playing with her non-stop last night.




Wait...I have a lot more to say but I gotta go coz Isabella's been bugging me to play with them for awhile and I don't want to disappoint her.





Catch yah later, love!

Labels: family, relapse, RENT

LSS OF THE DAY: "I'LL COVER YOU"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

The year's almost over; and to think that I should be over this by now, right? WRONG





Before I start to break down and bawl my eyes out, let me tell you guys about our Paskuhan since I didn't say anything about it. On that morning, December 19, upon waking up, the first thing that I said was, "OUCH"; why? Well, it was my first day of "that girl thing" and it hurt like hell! I couldn't move for the next thirty minutes or so, I just laid there on the top-bunk of our double-decker bed and fought the urge to scream my ass off. When I finally got down, I took a long bath and left to withdraw money from the bank before meeting up with my friends.





I got some bad news: Grizzly Bear couldn't make it. Oh well.





Once we were all there, we exchanged gifts and took pictures; as night fell, we watched the fireworks, grabbed some stuff to eat, sat on the grass in the field, watched Parokya Ni Edgar as they played; stuff like that.





There are a few things that I learned that night:

• When two of your friends are drunk, keep your distance or they'll breathe you to death;
  
• Never leave anyone out, even if they're busy doing something else; always ask if they could come;
  
• Don't wear too low-cut shirts;
  
• Don't wear bright-colored shirts if you know that your gonna sweat a lot;
  
• Bring a trashbag;
  
• Bring lots of extra cash;
  
• SLEEP AS MUCH AS YOU CAN THE DAY BEFORE SAID EVENT.
  

Yeah, two of my friends had I-S-S-U-E-S that day and they seriously need to sort them out by next year. They reeked of alcohol when they met up with us and it was disgusting.





And yes, we used trash bags to lie down on the grass since it was so...soily? Wait, is that even a word? Anyway, we sat there, as Parokya Ni Edgar played. It was almost midnight when we went home.





I went to Dagupan the next day.





I finally have the sheet music of "RENT" and "WICKED"; thanks Tita Beth!. Now all I need is a piano..





I got a henna tattoo! Just check it out on my Multiply.





On the 22nd, me and my family went to Manila to spend Christmas with our relatives in Fairview. Our relatives from Davao got there before us and there was a lot of greetings flying back and forth. That night, we watched this show called "The Wanders" in PAGCOR; it was amazing! All the stunts, the cute Chinese guys, the costumes, the cute Chinese guys, the songs, the cute Chinese guys and, oh yeah, the cute Chinese guys. I swear, my mouth was open through the entire show.





The next day, after hearing Mass, we played a game called "Cranium" which is sort of like a mixture of charades, trivia, drawing, clay-molding and a lot more stuff and it was really fun. Then at night we went to Trinoma, where we splurged on books, ate at Conggo Grille, and splurged again on TimeZone.





On Christmas Eve, our cousins from Antipolo came over for lunch and we had a game of Cranium, again. Had lots of fun, as always. We had a great dinner that night, then we opened our gifts and played games before hearing Mass. When we got back, we did a little bit of "witchcraft": runes, tarot cards; and as strange as it may sound, the runes and tarot cards that I got were--well--accurate to what I was feeling at the time. I won't say what they read, but let me just say that I was a bit freaked out.





And this morning, my family and the people from Davao went back to Dagupan..and here we are!





I had a great Christmas; I can't wait for next year





But sadly, my happiness isn't meant to last for long...





I know I shouldn't care. I know I should be getting over him; but no matter how hard I try, I just can't. It's like he's got this really firm grip on me that makes it hard for me to breathe. I was talking to him the other day and I asked him, just in passing, if he liked someone else; when he said that he might be starting to like someone else, I think my heart shirveled and burnt itself. I fought back the tears that threatened to fall even if I wanted to let it out so badly. I kept on thinking to myself, "You shouldn't care..you shouldn't care..". I wish I could say that it helped, but I would be lying to myself if I did.






After all this time, when I thought that I have started to move on, I crash back to where I started. I want to get over him so badly; I want this pain to end. This is so infuriating.






She's right; I'm trash. I don't deserve to be happy. Thank you for pointing that out; I needed a reality check.

With you my heart will always stay. With you my thoughts will be every day. You remain to be the one that I regret letting get away. Why didn't I say what I needed to say? You are the one I will always use my wishes on. You are the one I will always wish was never gone. I'll constantly wonder what went wrong. I'll forever think of what I could've did that was never done.

I wish I had the guts to walk away and forget about what we had. But, I can’t because I know you won't come after me, and I guess that's what hurts the most.

I hate you...and then I love you...it's like I want to throw you off a cliff....then rush to the bottom to catch you



Even if my heart should call out your name in the rain. Even if these arms should want to embrace you again. And even if I’m all cried out and no longer in pain... I’ll never fall in love that way again.

You said you couldnt stand to see my heart broken
... so when you broke it, did you close your eyes?

Try not to wonder about what might have been, ‘cause that was then and we have taken different roads. We can’t go back again, there’s no use giving in. And there’s no way to know, what might have been.

Loving is so short and forgetting so long.

Pleasure of love lasts but a moment, Pain of love lasts a lifetime

I wish I never said good bye... I wish I never let it die... but I did, and now all I want to do is cry

Things just keep getting better and better, eh?





Well, now it's time for me to lock myself up in my room, and cry my eyes out.





But before I leave:

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Alright, now that that's over with..





See you later, love.

Labels: crap, depression and tears, family, friends, friends and laughter, love thing, relapse, RENT, school

LSS OF THE DAY: "LA VIE BOHEME"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

Uh-huh. You ain't gettin' that outta my system, baby. RENT IS FOR LIFE!





So anyway, the situation in the classroom hasn't changed yet, as if stuff like that evaporates overnight, huh? If only it were that easy then life would be so much easier. Our class president tried talking to us about it but we decided that we reall wouldn't go. I feel kinda sorry for her, since she's the one who's really showing that she wants us to go. but the rest? *scoff* Whatever.





And some of them just love to back-stab us. Go on, baby. Give it your best shot; you think that we'll back down on our decision and bow before you? You are so goddamn wrong. You think that your all that; well I've got news for you, sister: this isn't YOUR world where people follow your every move. We have our opinions too, and if you really respect us, you'd shut up. You'll regret the day that you ever messed with us, you EVIL WITCH.





I forgot to mention on my last post that we had an activity in English that day where we'd take a piece of paper, divide it in two, write on one side: "GOOD POINTS" and on the other side: "AREAS TO IMPROVE", tape in to our back and let people sign it. It was pretty fun, although I noticed that my friends didn't ask the people from the MAJORITY to sign theirs, and I was pretty sure that, given the way they've been treating us lately, they'd write down stuff that didn't mean anything. When it was over, I looked at my paper, and I laughed out loud. Why? Here's why:

AREAS TO IMPROVE:

Bad Tagalog

LOVELIFE

I swear, I was laughing my ass off! The "bad tagalog" part, I embrace whole-heartedly, but lovelife? LOVELIFE? I don't even have one to begin with so what's there to improve? But whoever wrote that, sure made my day.





Then on Friday, we watched the PASKULAY show because Jave was in it. Me, Janel, Meg, Sarah and Margot stayed but Judith and Iris had to leave early. As we sat on those steel benches, waiting for the show to start, some guys asked if they could sit with us. I was busy setting Janel's camera on self-timer so I didn't notice them until I came around to them and saw them already sitting there eating McDonald's. We were taking lots and lots of pictures while they were eating and we pretty much ignored them for awhile. One of them started talking to us and then another one joined in. When they were done, they left and we had the bench to ourselves once more. And a little later, two of them came back and started talking to us. We lamost forgot aboutthe show and we ende up talking to them the whole time; we even transferred to the field and sat on the grass to continue our conversations. It was already nine in the evening when we finally parted ways with our new friends: Jhay and Carlos, both freshmen, from Engineering.





Trent went whack that same night so I had him fixed yesterday in SM North Edsa since that was the only place that I knew of that had a Nokia store in it (Trent still has a warranty; it would be such a shame if I wasted money trying to have him repaired somewhere else). He had to be re-formatted. I went back to my dorm after that and I changed my clothes and went to meet with my friends in Mini-Stop because we had to go to Marikina for the football centennial thing. Since I didn't have a phone, I didn't know that they changed the location of the meeting place; so I was waiting for nearly an hour when I finally plucked up the courage to ask a fellow customer if I could use his phone to house my sim card. The first one just laughed at me; the second one didn't even hesitate to lend his phone to me, even though it was already low on battery. I finally made it to the LRT tation in Legarda where Meg and Sarah were waiting for me.





We got off at Cubao, and to kill time while waiting for Iris, we went to FULLY BOOKED. I saw sooooooo many Uncle John's Bathroom Readers there and I wanted to buy them all. If my sister was there, I bet she'd drag my Mom there too. When Iris came, we took a jeep going to Marikina.





When we got to the Marikina Sports Complex, there weren't a lot of people. So we bought food, sat down on the bleachers, took lots of pictures, watched the games, took lots of pictures, cheered for the teams, took lots of pictures and...well, you get the idea.





We had to leave around past eight because we didn't want to miss the LRT. Sarah and I had to pray that the gates of UST were still open or else we'd have to pass through Lacson, which is sooooo dark and creepy; plus, a lot of hold-up cases have been reported in that area. Thankfully, one of the gates was still open but we had to pass through a dark UST and Sarah kept on jumping 'coz she thought she "saw" something. We made it to Dapitan without any other problem and I made it safely to my cave.





The strange thing about not having a cell phone, I don't realize what time it is since I always check my phone. While I was dancing, I checked the time on Tony and it was already past midnight.





This morning, I went straight to SM North Edsa to claim Tony, then I went to Fairview; and I'm still here.





I invited Grizzly Bear to Paskuhan, and he agreed! But he said that he won't stay very long; that's okay. As long as he comes; too bad I can't do my smileys.





I must be off. Sorry if my post isn't organized; I'm kinda in a hurry.





I'll see you later, love!

Labels: friends, friends and laughter, relapse, RENT, school, school woes

LSS OF THE DAY: "OUT TONIGHT"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

Uh-huh. I now have a name for what I'm going through: THE RENT SONG SYNDROME; you like?





Smileys. Miss them.





Classes got suspended because of the strike so now I'm here in Netopia typing my assignment in History. So in a way, it's like a blessing ni disguise; at least I don't have to wake up at an unearthly hour tomorrow just to do it.





Okay, so this Christmas party thing..WHAT THE HELL?! I swear, if they blame us for whatever they could think of, they'll finally see the worst side of me.





What the heck am I talking about?





The thing is, our class officers want to have a Christmas party; we would have been okay with it, if they actually listened to what we wanted. Sure, they ask us what we want, but do they actually listen? Hell no. They have this big group of friends on one side of the room, while we're on the other side of the room. And what they want, they get. They completely ignore us. I dunno who said it, but they dubbed their side as the "MAJORITY" while we are known as the "CULTURAL MINORITY". How pathetic, and not to mention degrading and insulting, is that?





And one of them said, "We want to have a Christmas party becuase we want to celebrate it as a class". Honey, look around; do you think that our class is united? Or are you too plastic to admit that your only saying that to put up a good front?





We would have been okay with everything if you didn't just listen to your inner circle. Your not the only group that breathes inside that classroom; in case you haven't noticed, you didn't include the OTHER HALF of the class in your votes and whatever. YOU people voted yourselves as class officers, whatever YOU want gets followed. And do you think that just because we don't speak up we don't care? If only you saw the looks on our faces I bet you'd say otherwise. And besides, we've tried talking to you, but you just wouldn't listen, so we didn't bother anymore.





I'm not talking about just one person; there are a lot of them.






And a while ago, when class was dismissed, someone said that we shouldn't go out yet because the party still had to be planned. Then someone said that whoever wasn't going to attend the party may leave; so we got up and made our way to the door. Apparently, some people thought that we didn't hear the "stay to plan for the party" part so they repeated it; and then someone else repeated the "you can go if your not coming to the party" thing. I saw the looks on their faces; they looked a bit surprised. I bet they haven't had anyone walk out on them before, and I'm glad we did.





If they ask us why we didn't want to go, they'd better be prepared for a very long speech. They have it coming. And I'm actually thinking of some very good curse words that'll leave their noses bleeding. How sweet that would be.





I'm being mean, I know. But I'm just so effing mad at them. They need to be brought back to earth. Just because they were given their positions, (or rather, they chose THEMSELVES for that position) doesn't mean that they could abuse their powers. They have responsibilities too, you know.





I'm sorry for this "hate post", but I just had to let it out. Me and my friends already had this conversation earlier; Sarah was still fuming when we separated. And I'm sure that the MAJORITY will be talking about this. And come on, as if they're gonna miss us. They have a huge group and they only talk to us when they need something. Plastic, much?





*sigh* Okay, I should stop now. I still have an assignment to do. And I apologize if I didn't make a lot of sense; I'm still upset.





Until next time, love!

Labels: dirty politics, peeves, relapse, RENT, school, school woes

LSS OF THE DAY: "LA VIE BOHEME"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

Uh-oh. It's baaaaaaaaaaack. I missed it, you know. Now you guys better pray that it doesn't last long




I am so annoyed with myself right now; why? Because everytime I hear a date (like, September 19, 2007 or October 3, 2007) the first thing that comes to my mind is: "Romeo and I were still together that time" or "Romeo and I were already broken up at that time". And I think them as if it were the most natural reaction, like a reflex; I mentally scold myself for even thinking such things but I can't stop doing it. Sure, I'm doing better now but I can't help but feel like my heart doesn't want to let go of him no matter how hard I try. I try to avoid looking at our pictures or reminisce on the times we spent together and all that crap but nothing's working.




I got a text message from one of my friends yesterday and I felt like laughing and crying at the same time; the message said:

"Wizard of Oz to Tin Man: So you want a heart? You don't know how lucky you are not to have one"

Call me pathetic for getting so worked up about a single message, I don't care. I'm only human after all.




Sometimes I wish that I never agreed when he asked for another chance; maybe things would have been different. Maybe things would have been easier for me. And sometimes, though I hate to think it, I don't think he really loved me. If he did, well, then maybe--just maybe--we'd still be happy.




But no; LIFE had to get in the way.




*sigh* Oh well. I wish that there's still hope for this broken heart of mine. How I long for the day when someone will pick up the pieces for me and help me nurse it back together. Another disappointment like that would leave me crippled for life




Okay, enough of the drama *wipes away last tear*




I read something on Multiply today that made me very happy; I'll write it here so I hope whoever wrote it doesn't mind:

kasi ganito,.. yesterday i was reading all the blog entries of lui, (i really dont know her, just here in multiply, through her pix, and we're of the same educational system, but she's in manila, and am in baguio)i really love the one she included in her blog. the story of a gurl and a boy.,,hahhaha wala lang trip ko lang..

kanina when i was agen visiting her blog site(kasi ung blogsite niya lagi ko talagang binibisita:idol) i was really looking for that blog, unfortunately it was lost..huhuhu



yah, there's no more man like that man in the story.

(to give u the background of the story)hahahah ang haba..basta ung thought ganito:

may boy at gurl. naguusap sila sa fon.. lovers sila. then akala ng gurl may work cia.. may date sila. susunduin si gurl ni boy ng 7(ata). tapos un. nasundo na si gurl.. may surprise cia kay gurl then blind fold thing.. pumunta sila sa parang lover's lane ung nakikita ung view tapos lumuhod luhod..hahah(corny pero cool).. sabi ni gurl un daw ung lugar kung saan niya sinagot si boy...tapos sabi ni boy yah that's true...pero nga ung tanong.. "will u marry me"..hahahahahhanaiyak daw kunwari si gurl..(ang sayasaya).. tapos un..

sabi ni lui wala na daw ganung lalaki ngaun....may malaking X ung pix nila ng boyfriend niya..hhhuuhuhuhuh.....



yah..i agree with LUI's idea..there's no man like the man in the story.. if there wud someone hu'll do the same for me then THAT WUD BE A MIRACLE

Well, would you look at that? Someone's actually reading my blog! I was so touched. I gave her my new URL as a token of my appreciation. It just goes to show that even though we're from different places, there are other ways to touch each other's lives




I'll be going back to Manila in a few hours. Grr




I guess this will be it for now. I"m not feeling very inspired to write today so I hope you guys'll cut me some slack




Catch yah later, sweetums

Labels: friends, heartbreak, relapse, RENT, school

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