NO LSS

My sister and I just got back from the Bangus Fest a while ago. SO MANY PEOPLE.







I swear, we were pushing and shoving our way out. And what was worse, my sweat mixed with my sister's sweat and the sweat of whoever I got squished next to; which was like, about more than fifty different people, more or less. One word: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.







My sister was already shouting at the people in front of us to move because they would move, yes, but when someone famous goes onstage (Mark Herras and Angelika dela Cruz were the unfortunate celebrities who were onstage at that time) they just stop and they complain that people are pushing them from behind. Like, HELLO! You were leaving too, remember?







My hair smells of smoke (from the grills and the innumerable number of people who were smoking near us) and sweat. My shoes used to be white; now their black from all the people who stpeped on my feet while we were still sandwiched. It rained earlier, right? That explains the black muck from my ankle to my knee. Disgusting.







It would have been fun, you know; it should have been fun. Parokya Ni Edgar and Bamboo were there, but, yeah, we couldn't stand it anymore.







And just when we thought that things couldn't get any worse, my sister's phone got snatched. While we were squished against Lord-knows-who's-sweaty-body, she said that she felt her phone "rising" from her pocket, but she pushed it back down; later, when we had a bit of space to move around, she felt her pocket, but it was gone. We tried calling it just a minute ago but it was turned off.







She said that she hopes that whoever got it actually deserves it. I'm just repeating what she said.







I wouldn't mind going back next year, but I'm going earlier. WAY earlier.







I'll be going to Manila with my cousin in a few hours. I won't say anything more about it until I get back.






Danzel texted me awhile ago. Quick conversation. But at least he texted. The last time we talked was probably a few days ago or last week.






I think I have a cold coming on. CRAP.

Labels: crap, shitty, sick, summer

LSS OF THE DAY: "WHAT YOU OWN"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

No, I will never get tired of it, so there.






I finally found the studio version of "Innocent" that David Cook sang. Yahooooooooo!







I cannot believe that Michael Johns got eliminated from American Idol. I mean, he was one of the best! Syesha should have gone home instead of him! This is so frustrating! ARGH!!!!







Okay, calm down. *inhale-exhale*







Only less than two hours before I turn nineteen! Yay!

Labels: American Idol, birthdays, crap, happy, relapse, RENT

LSS OF THE DAY: "TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

"Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be. And IF YOU GIVE A DAMN, TAKE ME BABY, OR LEAVE ME."







Yeah yeah yeah, I'm still bitter.







I know I should be over this by now, but, I'm not. Gee, how vague can I get?






I bet you people are probably sick and tired of me ranting on and on and on and on about a certain tall, dark, skinny man who stole my heart and crushed it to pieces. Forgive me for being all senti and emo, but this is how I'm really feeling; and I'm SEMI-DEPRESSED too. What's new, right?







I'm feeling shitty, restless, exhausted, emotionally drained. In short, I feel like CRAP. And I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.







I love him, I really do. But I know I can't have him. Isn't that enough to make me forget that this whole thing ever happened? Apparently, NOT.







CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP!







So, anyway, Kathleen, Melanie and Armely came over yesterday so we could watch "Sweeney Todd". Funny really, I watched it last week with my friends when they came over, and now I watched it with them. I guess it's one of those movies that you just gotta have someone near you while watching it. And Armely was sweet enough to text me just to say thank you; it just goes to show that there are still good people left in this world. And needless to say, they added a bit of color to my now dull world of summer.






I was chatting with a few people last night and one of them just happened to be my cousin, Enzo. I remember how close we were when we were kids. Everytime he and his family came to visit, we'd play with each other from the moment we got out of bed in the morning to the moment our parents forced us to go to sleep at night. But then there came a time when they stopped coming for about three or four years, and the next time we saw each other, it was like during those years when we failed to meet, a wall built itself between us. We changed; we were no longer the silly kids who'd run around, chasing each other in the backyard, talking about Power Rangers and our favorite cartoons; we were grown-ups, strangers.







But last night, I felt like the wall was finally crumbling before my very eyes. He was really nice and fun to talk to; all of a sudden I saw the kid I used to play with, through the window of cyberspace. He was open to me, and I to him and we just let our conversation flow freely. I really enjoyed talking to him and I'd be even more happy if that were to happen again. We have a lot of catching up to do, after all.






One thing did make my day yesterday, aside from the girls coming over..I PASSED ALL MY SUBJECTS!






And I just remembered: my birthday's coming up soon; I'm turning the big 1-9 in seven days. The clock's ticking..







I'm bored. I can't wait to go back to Manila and see my friends.








And, although I'm hating myself for admitting it, I'd like to see HIM again..

Labels: crap, depression and tears, friends, RENT, shitty

NO LSS

Shocking, eh?

And just when I thought that things couldn't get any worse, it did. It sooooooooo did.







I guess there's a reason why I haven't been dreaming in my sleep for the past couple of weeks. Usually, I'd see dancing hippos and singing ostriches in leotards and high heels (so reminiscent of Fantasia, don't you think?); strange, yes, but I really do have dreams like that sometimes. I've been wondering why for awhile now; but after last night, I can't help but think that it's either I've gone insane or I'm just thinking plain nonsense.








My dream last night involved, well...him.







We were in a mall, a very unfamiliar one too, if I may add, and while we were walking, he held my hand. An alarm went off in my head and I remember thinking, "Wait, we're not a couple! What the heck?!"; I attempted to make him let go (yes, I really did; and it's up to you if you believe me or not) but he wouldn't. So, I just let him. And later on he was putting his arm around my shoulders, hugging me, whispering sweet stuff to me and all that lovey-dovey whatever. And that went on until I woke up.







Sure, the last thing I thought of before going to bed was "I wonder how he's doing right now.." but I didn't think that I'd dream of him that way!







And I'm not saying that I'm going to cling to that dream because let's face it, it's just a dream. JUST A DREAM.







And I'll just keep repeating that until I convince myself that it's nothing but a dream and not of the "possible" future!







..wait..CRAP! NO!







I should be convincing myself that he's a no-good-egotistical-smoking-drinking-loving-jerk and not the one-guy-who'll-sweep-me-off-my-feet-and-ride-off-into-the-sunset that he is! Wait, that didn't come out right..








UGH. I am so hopeless. Somebody PLEASE kill me now.







On a more different note, Ramiele Malubay got kicked of American Idol this week. So sad! I wanted Christy to go!

"God on high, hear my prayer. In my need, you have always been there.."

Is it too late to ask for a miracle?

Labels: American Idol, crap, depression and tears, dreams, shitty

*This post has been edited.

LSS OF THE DAY: "WITHOUT YOU"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

*sigh*





I haven't heard from him since yesterday. And he said that the message he sent me wasn't supposed to be for me. Oh, fine. Whatever.





Do you think I'm paranoid? Thinking of a guy who clearly doesn't think or give a damn about me? I hate it when I feel this way. I feel so helpless.






Maybe I really should move on. Maybe I really should forget about him. But, as I always say, "Easier said than done".






When my friends ask how "we're" doing, I don't know what to say to them. I usually shrug and try to answer as indifferently as I could; but knowing them, I could tell that they can see that it's not just that. I know they can see the hurt and confusion in my eyes, but thankfully, they don't bring it up.





I keep on asking myself, "Why do I even bother?"; and a little voice in my head answers: "Because you love him". ARGH! Stupid voice.





I thought that I was going to enjoy my summer vacation. Kick back, relax and all that stuff. I am relaxing, but when I'm not doing anything my mind tends to wander; and mre often than not, I keep on thinking about him. What he's doing, how he is, if he ever thinks about me, or if I ever cross his mind even for a split second....NO! STOP IT!






As odd and as mean as it sounds, I want to see him bleed as much as I did, and still do, as matter of fact. I want to see that he's really affected, I don't want to just hear him say, "Yeah, I got affected" because it's not enough. I want to SEE it; in his face, in his actions, in everything that he does. I want to see that I'm not the only one suffering from this problem of ours. I know it sounds harsh, but I'm still feeling a little bitter towards him.






*sigh*

I LOVE YOU. EVEN THOUGH YOUR KILLING ME

I'm breaking down. When will this end?

..will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?

Labels: crap, depression and tears, love thing, questions, relapse, RENT, shitty

LSS OF THE DAY: "RENT"

From: RENT [Musical/Movie]

Be warned--this is gonna be an emo post.






I just can't stand it anymore! Why is he acting so indifferent? Can't he see that he's making me suffer more? Sure, it was nice of him to ask me if I'm going to the Graduation of our Seniors tomorrow, but he could have at least finished our conversation! I hate it when people leave me hanging without saying "goodbye", especially if the conversation was getting interesting. Sometimes I just want to smack him for being so oblivious to what's going on; maybe that might knock some sense into him.






I'll admit that I'm weak when it comes to him. I can't stop myself from opening up to him or spilling me heart out; it comes naturally, really, especially if I feel different for the person on question. I just really hate it when he thinks that everything's "okay" between us then he'll start acting like nothing's happened. Well, that "nothing" pushed me to the brink of my sanity, made me wander aimlessly, made me shed tears, and worst of all, BROKE MY HEART. Yes, my heart got broken--YET AGAIN.






This afternoon, while I was listening to the song "Will I" from RENT, I started crying; I couldn't help it. I wanted to scream, I wanted to pull my hair, I wanted to cry and cry and cry until my eyes dried up; but I didn't. I just let it all out through singing along while I allowed the tears to fall.






I love him. I love him. I love him. I can't get over him. What the hell is wrong with me?!






We NEVER got together, and yet I still have that hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach after a break-up. How did I get so emotionally attached to someone I never had a real relationship with? I want to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, move on, and never look back. But everytime I pick up a piece, I drop it again; and when I move forward, I keep looking over my shoulder. I can't stop. I can't stop..







Now, everybody, SING WITH ME!

..will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?
- "Will I", RENT



This heart is not the first heart broken,
My eyes are not the first to cry,
I'm not the first to know,
There's just no gettin' over you
I know I'm just a fool who's willing
To sit around and wait for you
But baby can't you see,
There's nothin' else for me to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you
But now there's nowhere to hide,
Since you pushed my love aside
I'm not in my head,
hopelessly devoted to you

My head is saying "fool, forget him",
My heart is saying "don't let go"
Hold on to the end, that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you
- "Hopelessly Devoted To You", GREASE


If I loved you,
Time and again I would try to say
All I'd want you to know.
If I loved you,
Words wouldn't come in an easy way
Round in circles I'd go!
Longin' to tell you,
But afraid and shy,
I'd let my golden chances pass me by!
Soon you'd leave me,
Off you would go in the mist of day,
Never, never to know how I loved you
If I loved you.
- "If I Loved You", CAROUSEL

*sigh* I really, REALLY need some sort of distraction or something. I seriously need to get him out of my head.







Damn. I'm falling apart..again.

Labels: crap, depression and tears, love thing, RENT, shitty

LSS OF THE DAY: "FINALE B"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

Sooooooooooo many things have happened since my last update. So, what are we waiting for? Let's get to it!






The Debate, our finals in English, went well. I was part of the Opposition with Meg and Ella while Mark Anido, Waki and Rissa made up our Government. We were given three topics to research on and then our professor will just randomly select one on the day of the debate itself. The three topics were: 1.) UST: 4oo Years Of Student Empowerment, or 400 Years of Colonialism?; 2.) Migration: A Success Or Failure To Nationalism?; and 3.) English As A Classroom Medium Of Instruction. We feverishly debated amongst ourselves and absorbed every little detail that we could come across. On the day of the debate itself, we found out that we were going to go against either the students from Sociology or Political Science; I remember my head shooting up to look warily at whoever said it. I just realized then that Danzel was in Sociology, so, yeah, that meant that he just MIGHT be there. I prayed in my head that he wasn't going to be there so I pushed him out of my thoughts since I had a debate to worry about.






It was also the first day of our final examinations on Thursday so we had to cram two other subjects (HR and Stat) aside from all the information we got from our classmates. We staggered out of the classroom as soon as we passed our papers and started reading through our notes; our last exam ended at 12:40 and the debate was scheduled at 1p.m., so no lunch break. We had to change clothes because our professor said that we had to look "professional".






So, we trudged to the Tan Yan Kee Student Center, up to the fourth floor, and into the AVR; the same place where we had the Team Building seminar the week before. I scanned the room; no tall, dark, thin guy with a goatee. I sighed in relief. Our professor was announcing who'll battle against who and, surprise, surprise! We were gonna go against Socio and our topic was the English thing, which by far was the easiest. My knees were shaking by the time we were walking towards the table where we were assigned. I took several deep breaths while waiting for the Government side speak up.






The first speaker lacked the conviction that a person needed to sound strong and sure, but we listened intently to what she had to say so we could point out any flaws in their arguments. Meg did a great job at countering their speeches; the Deputy Prmie Minister of the Government had such a soft voice that I could only get bits and pieces of her speech and that was what I needed! So when it was my turn to speak, I couldn't think of any other thing to say so I had to cut short my speech by three minutes or so. And guess what? While I was talking, HE walked in; he even hid behind our professor and I saw some of his classmates proding him. When I sat down, I knew he was looking at me the whole time but I kept my head turned the other way. And, WE WON!







Sadly, Mark, Rissa and Waki lost to Political Science. No offense, but some fo them were straying off the topic and yet they won? Biased!






So anyway, after the debate, to our surprise, Trish (our class president) and Cel (our vice-president) bought food for us, courtesy of the whole class. You could just imagine how hungry we were. THANKS GUYS!






We hung out in school for awhile; me, Meg, Albert, Simon and Jo, who joined us a little later, stayed in Lovers Lane. A little later, I looked at my phone, and I saw that Danzel texted me.



(originally in Tagalog, but I translated it into English)
D: Hey, Marvs wants to get your number. Is it okay if I give it to him? (Marvs was the guy Danzel was campaigning for in the elections and we've been friends since)
L: Sure! And can you tell him that I'll get his number from Jo since I'm with her anyway?
D: Yeah, Jo just texted me. Where are you?
L: In Lovers Lane.
D: Do you want me to go there.
L: It's okay with me. You're not busy or anything?
D: Nope. I'm not doing anything.
L: Okay. But are you sure you wanna come? Meg's here. (Yes, they know each other; they tease each other a lot so I just made sure)
D: You don't want me to go?
L: I said it's okay. I was just asking.
D: You might be mad at me. By the way, congratulations on your win. You did a great job.
L: What makes you think that I'm mad at you? Oh, thanks.
D: Oh, nothing. I'll be there a little later.

But then, the guard shooed us off becuase of the curfew. So I texted him.

L: Hey, they're making us leave. How's that?
D: Let's still meet. I'm near the field. I'll meet you there.

By this time, Meg and Simon already left so it's just me, Albert and Jo. He came, we went out to P. Noval, Albert left us, then we went to Jolibbee in Lacson. Since Jo and Danzel are both from the same political party, all they talked about was politics and I just butted in once in a while. When Jo stood up to order ice cream I asked him:

L: What made you think that I was mad at you?
D: (looks down) Nothing, really. It just crossed my mind.

He really wouldn't look at me in the eye while were talking. Around quarter to midnight, we decided that it was time to leave. Jo went straight out while were turned right to Dapitan. We talked until we reached my dorm. When he left, I texted him:

L: Hey, Danz. Thanks for meeting us and for taking me to the dorm. Take care, okay?
D: Sure, that was nothing. But next time, it just has to be the two of us.

I was a bit surprised at what he said but I decided to let it slide.





The next day, we didn't have classes but we weren't given time to relax because we promised Jo that we'd help her out with her staffing duties for the Baccalureate Mass. We distributed the food, ordered the Seniors around and stuff like that. While we were doing all that stuff, Danzel and I were still texting. He was supposed to be there but his parents forced him to go home. We were busy for the whole day; tiring, but fun.


L: So, this is what you do.
D: Yeah. Do you understand me now?
L: I always have. That's why I'm leaving you alone.
D: Ah. By the way, what is it with you and Albert?
L: Albert? Why?
D: Nothing. Just asking.
L: He's part of our group. Why?
D: Nothing.
L: Okay. So, I guess we should forget about it, huh?
D: I don't think so. Let's stay neutral.
L: Neutral?
D: Yeah. Whatever's happening now, let's keep it that way.
L: Okay.

I forgot what else we talked about since it was around this time that we were already watching the fireworks. While we were getting the Seniors ready to pas under the Arc of the Centuries, Kuya Ace, one of the Staffers, approached us and told us that Simon was in the hospital. Apparently, he collapsed while he was doing what he was supposed to do; I kind of expected someone to give way at any time but I wasn't expecting him. So after everything was done, we went to the hospital and watched over Simon until his parents came back. We left around quarter to 12.







The next day, we had an exam in Biology at 10a.m. And right after that, Danzel texted me again, asking me if I could accompany him somewhere. I agreed, so we arranged the time and place of where we were going to meet. After we did what he asked me to do, I got ready for the Launching of the Behavioral Science Federation. Meg came over and she put make-up on me. The pictures are still being uploaded on my Multiply. I had a lot of fun. Kuya JPaul kept on taking pictures of me and Jan. Crazy guy. Then we went to the GAP victory party afterwards. Meg ahd to leave early and I got back to the dorm around 1a.m.







The next day, Sunday, I was too lazy to get out of bed. And, surpise! Danzel texted me again asking if I could hear Mass with him. I couldn't say no. So I went to UST around 3:30 just so I can have time for myself. Marvs was there too so we hung out for a bit while we waited for Danzel. When he came, they smoked a bit, then we went to McDonald's. He even laid his arm on my leg when I was facing him. Marvs left so it was just me and him going to Church. There were a lot of people so we stayed outside. When it came to the "Peace be with you" part, I turned to face him, when I felt him kiss me on the cheek AND half of my lips. I was stunned beyong words. When he saw the look on my face he said that he and his blockmates do it everytime they hear Mass together. I just laughed it off.







Looking back on that, I still wonder where's the "neutral" that he told me. Oh well. We'll see.....







Exams are over! We went to Trinoma right after our last exam and went to Red Box for videoke. So much fun! Can't wait to do it again.







I'm home in Dagupan now. And I'm sooooooo tired!







I have so much more to say, but right now, I really have to sleep.







See yah later, love!

Labels: confusion, crap, depression and tears, friends, friends and laughter, likes and dislikes, love, love thing, relapse, RENT, summer

LSS OF THE DAY: "WITHOUT YOU"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

Dear lord, I'm exhausted.






Last Saturday, I didn't go home. So yeah, I was stuck in my cave (dorm).






And last Sunday, I had to attend this thing for LTS; okay, it was a Mass and sort of like a closing program but I found it to be dull. And what was worse was that the NSTP coordinator told us off for being noisy, TWICE! That was so humiliating. And to think, we're in college and yet we still act like a bunch of pre-schoolers. Oh well. We stayed in school until 8pm. As always, we played frisbee even though it was pretty dark. Lots of one-on-one moments that I'll never forget.






Sarah and Mau broke up; but I think they're together again. Or is it just my imagination?






My ninang from the States called me yesterday just to check on how I was doing. I was really touched when she told me that she misses me. She's one of those old people who knows how to relate to today's generation, since she has two kids who are just a few years older than me. She told me stories about her younger days, when she and my tito weren't married yet. Their courtship, how they were able to handle their break-up and still remained close, and how he proposed. Needless to say, it was nakakakilig; and coming from her, that's saying a lot! I told her about my current "situation" with--well, you know who; she told me some stuff and I'd rather not say them here. Ssssshhh! I can't wait for her to call again.






And I am very pleased to say that as of yesterday, I have a son! Not biological, of course. Remember our family tree? Iris is my "mom", Meg and Janel are my "daughters", Sarah's our "dog", Gian's my "sister", Albert's my "brother-in-law", Simon's my "stepfather"; we don't have positions for Judith, Claudette and Jigo yet, and now Jay (Albert's friend, who's been hanging out with us) is now my "son". Me, Meg, Albert and Jay stayed in school until seven last night in Lovers Lane. Just talking. Meg even took a video of Jay and his inability to do the steps that Jigo did last week; now I have something to laugh at when I'm depressed. No offense, Jay; love yah, m'boy!






And tomorrow's gonna be a busy day for us.

MARCH 12, 2008 (Wednesday)

8:00 - 9:00 -> Meet up at the Pav for Stat
9:00 - 12:00 -> Debate drill
12:00 - 3:00 -> CLASSES
3:00 - 4:00 -> Exam in Theology (should have been today but she didn't show up)

*and some time between 4:00-7:00 we have to take a quiz in Bio through E-Leap AND attend the election of officers for BESSCIFED.

Is that busy, or is that busy?






Which reminds me, I have to write down all that stuff that Meg told me for the debate. I volunteered to replace Judith since she really wasn't into it. At least I made someone's day.






I'm beginning to notice something. But I wouldn't want to sound hasty or anything, so I'll just sit back and watch how everything will turn out.






I saw him awhile ago in front of our building, while I was talking to Albert. I hate it when I get shivers down my spine everytime I see him. I am so weak. Pathetic, really.

"If he doesn't make a move, forget about him" - my friends.

But the thing is, I'm already trying. Why isn't it working?

Labels: BesFed, crap, decisions, depression and tears, emotions, exhaustion, family, love thing, relapse, reminders, RENT, revelations, schedules, school, school woes

LSS OF THE DAY: "FINALE B"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

I know your probably fed up with all my RENT crap, but dear, it's my head and it's my life so there's nothing you can do to change my mind. I love you!






I'm being sarcastic today. I wonder why.






I'm in the library computer lab typing my position paper in Theology since they didn't have any vacant computers in Netopia.





But before I went there, I withdrew money from my ATM since I was running low on cash, and I had to pay for my dorm. As I was walking there, I was calculating in my head how much money I should withdraw; dorm, pictures for the scrapbook for LTS, laundry, internet time, food..I guess that was it. So after I got the money, walked to Netopia and when they told me that they didn't have any vacancy, a voice in the back of my head said: "It's a sign, Lui; God doesn't want you to spend a lot today". Needless to say, I heeded that voice so I decided to go to the library and use my FREE internet browsing priviledges. GOD IS GOOD!






It was our last meeting in P.E. today; and our written exam was pretty easy. When Professor Adri asked, "Where was the last men's football league held?" (or something like that, I couldn't remember the exact question); we all stared blankly at her for a few seconds before she said, "You already have a clue". It was then I noticed that she was wearing a FIFA shirt with the German flag on it. Praying that that was what she meant, I wrote it down. And guess what? That was it! I laughed so hard afterwards. After that, Prof. let us play a bit so we started running across the field and when the guys asked if we wanted to play with them, we agreed, naturally! Had a lot of fun. I'm gonna miss going to P.E. every Tuesday at 7am to 9am. And it is our very last P.E. Very sad.







Oh yeah, yesterday, we went to Janel's house since Mark had to make a Powerpoint presentation for our Computer class. We were supposed to do our project in Theology but since Janel said that her parents wouldn't want her to be alone with a guy in the house, we went too. Janel doesn't have Theology this semester so we had to "pretend" that we were doing something else. After awhile, we started making fun of each other, taking pictures, playing "heart-breaking" songs (I almost cried because some of them made me really depressed), jammed with Mau as he played the guitar, had heart-to-heart conversations, danced and sang along (Janel took a video of me dancing alone and of me dancing with Sarah and Meg; I hope she doesn't upload it on Multiply. I'll never show my face in public again if she does!) and just had fun. We ended up going home around past 10pm.






I've noticed that we keep on coming home late over the past few weeks. But I'm telling you, that's just a taste of what will happed to us next year. I'll explain it some other time.





Something's wrong with Yahoo! Mail; a dialog box keeps on popping out about "failing to retrieve the weather data" and whatever. It's annoying.






I'm multi-tasking! I'm typing here, I'm typing my paper, AND I'm reading FanFiction!






Friendster and Multiply are blocked from the computers here so I can't check them out. And Sir Eric finally approved my invitation!






And when I'm done here, I have to run out to Dapitan and have it printed.







*sigh* I hope I don't see him today. PLEASE don't let me see him today. My day started out great and I don't want it to go crashing down if I see him.





Okay, now I really have to finish my paper since my class will be starting in an hour. I have to write three pages; but the font is Arial and the font size is 14 AND it's 1.5 spacing. Yeah, I can do it.







Catch yah later, love!

Labels: bad/happy day, crap, emotions, friends, friends and laughter, heartbreak, love thing, random, relapse, RENT, rush, school, school woes

LSS OF THE DAY: "LOVE HEALS"

From: RENT[Movie/Musical]

No matter how much I want to choke on those words, I still love the song; because it came from RENT.






My head's aching a bit.






I'm being random, can you tell?





Tony's carrying a virus because the darn computer shop I went to had it and now whenever I plug Tony in, it comes out! UGH!






I still feel sleepy.





Papers, papers, papers, papers, papers, papers, papers......






After seeing him last Friday, I hope that I NEVER see him again. Everytime I do see him, I feel as if my heart's being clenched with iron fingers. It hurts so badly, I can't breathe.






The presentation I made for our assignment in Computer was okay; subject? My friends, of course.






Dad, Pats and Monsi came to visit me yesterday, and I had fun with them. I miss them already. Albert was right; I need to go home once in a while to "recharge my batteries", as he said.






I'm using the computer here in the computer lab. Our professor hasn't showed up yet so I'm making this post. Stat after this; great. I don't want to know my score from the last quiz. I'm certain that I failed it. DAMN, DAMN, DAMN.






I answered a lot of surveys on Multiply. I like doing that. Feel free to check them out: http://lauredilian.multiply.com






Gonna play football again on Wednesday.





I ate a whole pack of cookies yesterday and today. And I still want more. I hate being depressed. Does anybody eles have cookies? Or chocolate? I'm desperate!!






P.E. tomorrow; is it the last meeting already? I haven't researched on the rules of them game yet.

"There are those who shield their hearts, those who quit before they start. Who frozen up the part of them that feels.." - Love Heals, RENT

Labels: crap, depression and tears, random, relapse, RENT

*This post has been delayed due to so many--uhh--delays; and I apologize. Originally published on the said date, but really published on Feb. 15.

LSS OF THE DAY: "GREEN FINCH AND LINNET BIRD"

From: SWEENEY TODD [Musical/Movie]

It may not be RENT, but it's still a musical





Finally! I can blog AND use my smileys!





Carl and Audrey's wedding last weekend was BEAUTIFUL; I had a blast with my family. If it wasn't for them, then, well, I wouldn't be this happy. I'm still waiting for the pictures to be uploaded; I think something's wrong with the software. And I miss everyone!!!. I hope we could have another get-together soon..





I love hanging out with my family, and I love them to death.






AB Week, or AB day? I guess Danzel was right, our Student Council SUCKS.






Speaking of Danzel..Yes, he was the guy who told me that he liked me last year. And you know what the funny thing is? I like him too. I remember talking to one of my friends some time this week and I told her:

"You know what? I'm not so sure of myself right now".
Her: Why?
Me: I like someone.
Her: What's so wrong about that?
Me: It's Danzel.
Her: Oh, yeah, there is something definitely wrong with that!

Maybe it's because of his "bad boy" image? Most probably, I guess.




But, I dunno, I really do like him. I told him, and he was actually happy about it. And you know what he asked me? "Will you be my Cinderella?"; I swear, I didn't know how to react to that But I said yes





But sadly, it just wasn't meant to be. All I can say is, it wasn't the right time yet. So we ended it, and hopefully, once everything's settled down, we can talk about it.







I WANT THOSE DARN ELECTIONS TO END.







We did this letter in one of our computer classes:

To my Valentine,





It’s that time of year again; that one day when everyone wears red and flowers and chocolates are being sold our everywhere. It’s sort of like Christmas, it comes once a year and minus the lights and the huge Santa Clause that block everyone’s way.



Love is in the air, they say; such an old saying and yet it still brings lots of meaning to many people. Smiles flash as bright as light bulbs and the deepest shade of crimson rivals that of the blood that courses through our veins.



Cupid’s overworking himself this year, as I have strangely noticed. His job isn’t easy so I hope he gets paid right; I guess seeing his targets fall helplessly in love is reward enough for him.



It may seem a bit sickening at times, when lovers show a little too much affection for one another; but I guess that I should cut them some slack since this does come just once a year. But since they are lovers, then they must show that they love each other everyday, right?



I hope you have a great Valentine’s Day and I hope that all the stuff I said didn’t ruin your mood.





Always,

Lui

Crazy, right? I don't even know who I was thinking of at that time. No particular person..






Our Valentine's celebration as a group was, well, a huge success. We had a lot of fun just sitting back, chatting, making fun of each other (and the other people around us); just being ourselves. Can't wait for next year!A big thanks to the people who gave me cards and chocolates; I LOVE YOU GUYS!






I'm kinda in a rush so I can't say a lot. Next time, love!

HAPPY HEARTS DAY!

Labels: crap, friends, friends and laughter, hearts, love, love thing, rush

LSS OF THE DAY: "I'LL COVER YOU"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

The year's almost over; and to think that I should be over this by now, right? WRONG





Before I start to break down and bawl my eyes out, let me tell you guys about our Paskuhan since I didn't say anything about it. On that morning, December 19, upon waking up, the first thing that I said was, "OUCH"; why? Well, it was my first day of "that girl thing" and it hurt like hell! I couldn't move for the next thirty minutes or so, I just laid there on the top-bunk of our double-decker bed and fought the urge to scream my ass off. When I finally got down, I took a long bath and left to withdraw money from the bank before meeting up with my friends.





I got some bad news: Grizzly Bear couldn't make it. Oh well.





Once we were all there, we exchanged gifts and took pictures; as night fell, we watched the fireworks, grabbed some stuff to eat, sat on the grass in the field, watched Parokya Ni Edgar as they played; stuff like that.





There are a few things that I learned that night:

• When two of your friends are drunk, keep your distance or they'll breathe you to death;
  
• Never leave anyone out, even if they're busy doing something else; always ask if they could come;
  
• Don't wear too low-cut shirts;
  
• Don't wear bright-colored shirts if you know that your gonna sweat a lot;
  
• Bring a trashbag;
  
• Bring lots of extra cash;
  
• SLEEP AS MUCH AS YOU CAN THE DAY BEFORE SAID EVENT.
  

Yeah, two of my friends had I-S-S-U-E-S that day and they seriously need to sort them out by next year. They reeked of alcohol when they met up with us and it was disgusting.





And yes, we used trash bags to lie down on the grass since it was so...soily? Wait, is that even a word? Anyway, we sat there, as Parokya Ni Edgar played. It was almost midnight when we went home.





I went to Dagupan the next day.





I finally have the sheet music of "RENT" and "WICKED"; thanks Tita Beth!. Now all I need is a piano..





I got a henna tattoo! Just check it out on my Multiply.





On the 22nd, me and my family went to Manila to spend Christmas with our relatives in Fairview. Our relatives from Davao got there before us and there was a lot of greetings flying back and forth. That night, we watched this show called "The Wanders" in PAGCOR; it was amazing! All the stunts, the cute Chinese guys, the costumes, the cute Chinese guys, the songs, the cute Chinese guys and, oh yeah, the cute Chinese guys. I swear, my mouth was open through the entire show.





The next day, after hearing Mass, we played a game called "Cranium" which is sort of like a mixture of charades, trivia, drawing, clay-molding and a lot more stuff and it was really fun. Then at night we went to Trinoma, where we splurged on books, ate at Conggo Grille, and splurged again on TimeZone.





On Christmas Eve, our cousins from Antipolo came over for lunch and we had a game of Cranium, again. Had lots of fun, as always. We had a great dinner that night, then we opened our gifts and played games before hearing Mass. When we got back, we did a little bit of "witchcraft": runes, tarot cards; and as strange as it may sound, the runes and tarot cards that I got were--well--accurate to what I was feeling at the time. I won't say what they read, but let me just say that I was a bit freaked out.





And this morning, my family and the people from Davao went back to Dagupan..and here we are!





I had a great Christmas; I can't wait for next year





But sadly, my happiness isn't meant to last for long...





I know I shouldn't care. I know I should be getting over him; but no matter how hard I try, I just can't. It's like he's got this really firm grip on me that makes it hard for me to breathe. I was talking to him the other day and I asked him, just in passing, if he liked someone else; when he said that he might be starting to like someone else, I think my heart shirveled and burnt itself. I fought back the tears that threatened to fall even if I wanted to let it out so badly. I kept on thinking to myself, "You shouldn't care..you shouldn't care..". I wish I could say that it helped, but I would be lying to myself if I did.






After all this time, when I thought that I have started to move on, I crash back to where I started. I want to get over him so badly; I want this pain to end. This is so infuriating.






She's right; I'm trash. I don't deserve to be happy. Thank you for pointing that out; I needed a reality check.

With you my heart will always stay. With you my thoughts will be every day. You remain to be the one that I regret letting get away. Why didn't I say what I needed to say? You are the one I will always use my wishes on. You are the one I will always wish was never gone. I'll constantly wonder what went wrong. I'll forever think of what I could've did that was never done.

I wish I had the guts to walk away and forget about what we had. But, I can’t because I know you won't come after me, and I guess that's what hurts the most.

I hate you...and then I love you...it's like I want to throw you off a cliff....then rush to the bottom to catch you



Even if my heart should call out your name in the rain. Even if these arms should want to embrace you again. And even if I’m all cried out and no longer in pain... I’ll never fall in love that way again.

You said you couldnt stand to see my heart broken
... so when you broke it, did you close your eyes?

Try not to wonder about what might have been, ‘cause that was then and we have taken different roads. We can’t go back again, there’s no use giving in. And there’s no way to know, what might have been.

Loving is so short and forgetting so long.

Pleasure of love lasts but a moment, Pain of love lasts a lifetime

I wish I never said good bye... I wish I never let it die... but I did, and now all I want to do is cry

Things just keep getting better and better, eh?





Well, now it's time for me to lock myself up in my room, and cry my eyes out.





But before I leave:

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Alright, now that that's over with..





See you later, love.

Labels: crap, depression and tears, family, friends, friends and laughter, love thing, relapse, RENT, school

LSS OF THE DAY: "I'LL COVER YOU (REPRISE), FROM THE MOVIE, "RENT"

I was listening to it over and over and over again last night; I couldn't get enough of Jesse L. Martin's voice



First, I was totally crushing on Adam Pascal (well, until now), now Jesse L. Martin? Who's next? Wilson Jermaine Heredia? Uhh..on second thought, scratch that 'coz he's already my crush



I've been reading FanFiction every night and I've been downloading random songs from LimeWire. It's kinda fun, actually. And would you believe that I actually found songs that were sung by ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS; they were my absolute favorite when I was a kid! Their voices are so cute! Call me childish, but at least I'm not afraid to admit it. They did versions of "Eye of the Tiger", "Play that Funky Music", "Beat It", even "Achey Brakey Heart" (complete with side comments by Billy Ray Cyrus himself); Dad got a real laught out of it when I let him hear them. I even downloaded some of Mozart's pieces and a few piano, guitar and violin instrumentals; I have a really soft spot for the classics and I couldn't miss out on an opportunity to download them now that I have absolutely nothing to do at home. By the time second semester comes around, I'll probably have all the de-stress songs out there



I don't approve of the Ron-Hermione pairing that J.K. Rowling did; so I'm reading stories about Draco-Hermione pairings; good girl with bad boy, what else could be more perfect?



A lot of people have been asking me what are my favorite lyrics or lyric-lines from RENT; here they are

*Seasons Of Love
(the very first song in the play)

COMPANY
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure - measure a year?

In daylights - In sunsets
In midnights - In cups of coffee
In inches - In miles
In laughter - In strife

In Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?

How about love?
How about love?
How about love?
Measure in love

Seasons of love
Seasons of love

SOLOIST #1
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man?

SOLOIST #2
In truths that she learned
Or in times that he cried
In bridges he burned
Or the way that she died

ALL
It's time now - to sing out
Tho' the story never ends
Let's celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends

Remember the love
Remember the love
Remember the love
Measure in love

SOLOIST #1
Measure, measure your life in love

Seasons of love
Seasons of love



*One Song Glory
(very emotional song; Roger's a rocker who left behind everything because his girlfriend committed suicide after finding out that they both have AIDS; now he wants to write one song before he dies)

ROGER
One song
Glory
One song
Before I go
Glory
One song to leave behind
Find one song
One last refrain
Glory
From the pretty boy front man
Who wasted opportunity
One song
He had the world at his feet
Glory
In the eyes of a young girl
A young girl
Find glory
Beyond the cheap colored lights
One song
Before the sun sets
Glory - on another empty life
Time flies - time dies
Glory - One blaze of glory
One blaze of glory - glory
Find
Glory
In a song that rings true
Truth like a blazing fire
An eternal flame
Find
One song
A song about love
Glory
From the soul of a young man
A young man
Find
The one song
Before the virus takes hold
Glory
Like a sunset
One song
To redeem this empty life
Time flies
And then - no need to endure anymore
Time dies


*Light My Candle
(very funny song; especially on Mimi's part; she's a dancer and a heroin addict who's in love with Roger but Roger is still unsure of getting into another relationship)

ROGER
What'd you forget?

(MIMI enters, holding a candle and looking for a match; her electricity is
down, too)

MIMI
Got a light?

ROGER
I know you? You're
You're shivering

MIMI
It's nothing
They turned off my heat
And I'm just a little
Weak on my feet
Would you light my candle?
What are you staring at?

ROGER
Nothing
Your hair in the moonlight
You look familiar
(He lights her candle. MIMI starts to leave, but stumbles)
Can you make it?

MIMI
Just haven't eaten much today
At least the room stopped spinning
Anyway, What?

ROGER
Nothing
Your smile reminded me of

MIMI
I always remind people of who is she?

ROGER
She died, Her name was April

(MIMI discreetly blows out the candle)

MIMI
It's out again
Sorry about your friend
Would you light my candle?

(ROGER lights the candle. They linger, awkwardly)

ROGER
Well-

MIMI
Yeah. Ow!

ROGER
Oh, the wax it's --

MIMI
Dripping! I like it -- between my --

ROGER
Fingers. I figured...
Oh, well. Goodnight
(MIMI exits. ROGER heads back toward his guitar on the table. There is
another knock, which he answers)
It blew out again?

MIMI
No - I think that I dropped my stash

ROGER
I know I've seen you out and about
When I used to go out
Your candle's out

MIMI
I'm illin'
I had it when I walked in the door
It was pure
Is it on the floor?

ROGER
The floor?

(MIMI gets down on all fours and starts searching the floor for her stash.
She lookss back at ROGER, who is staring at her again)

MIMI
They say I have the best ass below 14th street
Is it true?

ROGER
What?

MIMI
You're staring again

ROGER
Oh no
I mean you do - have a nice-
I mean , You look familiar

MIMI
Like your dead girlfriend?

ROGER
Only when you smile
But I'm sure I've seen you somewhere else

MIMI
Do you go to the Cat Scratch Club?
That's where I work - I dance - help me look

ROGER
Yes!
They used to tie you up-

MIMI
It's a living

(MIMI douses the flame again)

ROGER
I didn't recognize you
Without the handcuffs

MIMI
We could light the candle
Oh won't you light the candle?

(ROGER lights it again.)

ROGER
Why don't you forget that stuff
You look like you're sixteen

MIMI
I'm nineteen but I'm old for my age
I'm just born to be bad

ROGER
I once was born to be bad
I used to shiver like that

MIMI
I have no heat - I told you

ROGER
I used to sweat

MIMI
I got a cold

ROGER
Uh huh
I used to be a junkie

MIMI
But now and then I like to

ROGER
Uh huh

MIMI
Feel good

ROGER
Here it - um

(ROGER stoops and picks up a small object: MIMI's stash)

MIMI
What's that?

ROGER
It's a candy bar wrapper

(ROGER puts it behind his back and into his pocket)

MIMI
We could light the candle

(ROGER discreetly blows out the candle)

MIMI
What'd you do with my candle?

ROGER
That was my last match

MIMI
Our eyes'll adjust, thank God for the moon

ROGER
Maybe it's not the moon at all
I hear Spike Lee's shooting down the street

MIMI
Bah humbug ... Bah humbug

(MIMI places her hand under his, pretending to do it by accident)

ROGER
Cold hands

MIMI
Yours too
Big. Like my father's
You wanna dance?

ROGER
With you?

MIMI
No -- with my father

ROGER
I'm Roger

MIMI
They call me
They call me Mimi

(They come extremely close to a kiss. MIMI reaches into his pocket, nabs
the stash, waves it in front of his face, and makes a sexy exit)



*Tango: Maureen
(very funny song! Mark, Maureen's ex-boyfriend, meets Joanne, Maureen's girlfriend [yes, lesbians; Maureen left Mark for Joanne] for the first time and they talk about Maureen)

(The lot. JOANNE is reexamining the cable connections for the
umpteenth time)

MARK
And so into the abyss...The lot. Where a small stage is partially set up

JOANNE
(playing with some wires)
"Line in"...
I went to Harvard for this?

MARK
Close on Mark's nose dive

JOANNE
"Line out"...

MARK
Will he get out of here alive...?

(JOANNE notices MARK approaching)

JOANNE
Mark?

MARK
Hi

JOANNE
I told her not to call you

MARK
That's Maureen
But can I help since I'm here

JOANNE
I hired an engineer

MARK
Great!
Well, nice to have met you

JOANNE
Wait!
She's three hours late
The samples won't delay
But the cable

MARK
There's another way
Say something - anything

JOANNE (into the mike)
Test - one, two three

MARK
Anything but that

JOANNE
This is weird

MARK
It's weird

JOANNE
Very weird

MARK
Fuckin' weird

JOANNE
I'm so mad
That I don't know what to do
Fighting with microphones
Freezing down to my bones
And to top it all off
I'm with you

MARK
Feel like going insane?
Got a fire in your brain?
And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?

JOANNE
As a matter of fact

MARK
Honey, I know this act
It's called the 'Tango Maureen'
The Tango Maureen
It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round
As she keeps you dangling

JOANNE
You're wrong

MARK
Your heart she is mangling

JOANNE
It's different with me

MARK
And you toss and you turn
'Cause her cold eyes can burn
Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound

JOANNE
I think I know what you mean

BOTH
The Tango Maureen

MARK
Has she ever pouted her lips
And called you 'Pookie'

JOANNE
Never

MARK
Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?

JOANNE
This is spooky
Did you swoon when she walked through the door?

MARK
Every time - so be cautious

JOANNE
Did she moon over other boys?

MARK
More than moon

JOANNE
I'm getting nauseous
(They begin to dance, with MARK leading)

MARK
Where'd you learn to tango?

JOANNE
With the French Ambassador's daughter in her dorm room at Miss Porter's
And you?

MARK
With Nanette Himmelfarb. The Rabbi's daughter at the Scarsdale Jewish
Community Center

(They switch, and JOANNE leads)

It's hard to do this backwards

JOANNE
You should try it in heels!
She cheated

MARK
She cheated

JOANNE
Maureen cheated

MARK
Fuckin' cheated

JOANNE
I'm defeated
I should give up right now

MARK
Gotta look on the bright side
With all of your might

JOANNE
I'd fall for her still anyhow

BOTH
When you're dancing her dance
You don't stand a chance
Her grip of romance
Make you fall

MARK
So you think, 'Might as well'

JOANNE
"Dance a tango to hell"

BOTH
At least I'll have tangoed at all
The Tango Maureen
Gotta dance till your diva is through
You pretend to believe her
Cause in the end you can't leave her
But the end it will come
Still you have to play dumb
Till you're glum and you bum
And turn blue

MARK
Why do we love when she's mean?

JOANNE
And she can be so obscene

MARK
Try the mike

JOANNE
My Maureen (reverb: een, een, een...)

MARK
Patched

JOANNE
Thanks

MARK
You know I feel great now!

JOANNE
I feel lousy
(The pay phone rings. MARK hands it to JOANNE)
Honey, we're... (pause) Pookie?!
You never call me Pookie...
Forget it, we're patched
(She hangs up, looks at MARK)

BOTH
The Tango Maureen



*From: Will I
(Life Support; a bunch of people who have AIDS; some of the major characters are in this group)

Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?



*La Vie Boheme B
(this is the longest song in the whole play; there's a first part to this but I decided to put this instead since it has all my favorite lines)

(ROGER and MIMI exit. JOANNE reenters, obviously steamed)

MAUREEN
Are we packed?

JOANNE
Yes and by next week
I want you to be

MAUREEN
Pookie?

JOANNE
And you should see
They've padlocked your building
And they're rioting on Avenue B
Benny called the cops

MAUREEN
That fuck

JOANNE
They don't know what they're doing
The cops are sweeping the lot
But no one's leaving
They're just sitting there, mooing!

ALL
Yeah!!!
(Pandemonium erupts in the restaurant)
To dance

A GIRL
No way to make a living, masochism, pain, perfection
Muscle spasms, chiropractors, short careers, eating disorders

ALL
Film

MARK
Adventure, tedium, no family, boring locations,
Dark rooms, perfect faces, egos, money, Hollywood and sleaze

ALL
Music

ANGEL
Food of love, emotion, mathematics, isolation,
Rhythm, feeling, power, harmony, and heavy competition

ALL
Anarchy

COLLINS & MAUREEN
Revolution, justice, screaming for solutions,
Forcing changes, risk, and danger
Making noise and making pleas

ALL
To faggots, lezzies, dykes, cross dressers too

MAUREEN
To me

MARK
To me

COLLINS & ANGEL
To me

ALL
To you, and you and you, you and you
To people living with, living with, living with
Not dying from disease
Let he among us without sin
Be the first to condemn
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme

MARK
Anyone out of the mainstream
Is anyone in the mainstream?
Anyone alivewith a sex drive

OTHERS
La vie boheme
La vie boheme
La vie boheme

MARK
Tear down the wall
Aren't we all?
The opposite of war isn't peace
It's creation

ALL
La vie Boheme

MARK
The riot continues. The Christmas tree goes up in flames. The snow dances.
Oblivious, Mimi and Roger share a small, lovely kiss

ALL
Viva la vie Boheme!



*Take Me Or Leave Me
(break-up song between Maureen and Joanne; very amusing)

JOANNE
You were flirting with the woman in rubber

MAUREEN
That's what this is about!? There will always be women in rubber, flirting with
me... Gimme a break

Every single day
I walk down the street
I hear people say,
"Baby's so sweet"
Ever since puberty
Everybody stares at me
Boys - girls
I can't can't help it baby
So be kind
Don't lose your mind
Just remember that I'm your baby

Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me
Take me baby or leave me

A tiger in a cage
Can never see the sun
This diva needs her stage
Baby - let's have fun!
You are the one I choose
Folks'd kill to fill your shoes
You love the limelight too, baby
So be mine
Or don't waste my time
Cryin' -- "Honeybear -- are you still my baby?"

Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me

No way can I be what I'm not
But hey don't you want your girl hot!
Don't fight don't lose your head
Cause every night who's in your bed?
Who's in your bed, baby?
(Pouts in JOANNE's direction)
Kiss, Pookie

JOANNE
It won't work
I look before I leap
I love margins and discipline
I make lists in my sleep
Baby what's my sin?
Never quit I follow through
I hate mess but I love you
What to do
With my impromptu baby?
So be wise
This girl satisfies
You've got a prize
But don't compromise
You're one lucky baby
Take me for what I am

MAUREEN
A control freak

JOANNE
Who I was meant to be

MAUREEN
A snob yet over-attentive

JOANNE
And if you give a damn

MAUREEN
A lovable, droll geek

JOANNE
Take me baby or leave me

MAUREEN
And anal retentive

BOTH
That's it!

JOANNE
The straw that breaks my back

BOTH
I quit

JOANNE
Unless you take it back

BOTH
Women

MAUREEN
What is it about them?

BOTH
Can't live
With them
Or without them!
Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me
Take me baby
Or leave me
Guess I'm leavin'
I'm gone



*Halloween
(Mark's solo; he's wondering why everything is happening around him while he just sits there and watch)

MARK
How did we get here?
How the hell
Pan left - close on the steeple of the church
How did I get here?
How the hell...
Christmas
Christmas Eve last year
How could a night so frozen be so scalding hot?
How can a morning this mild be so raw?
Why are entire years strewn
On the cutting room floor of memory
When single frames from one magic night
Forever flicker in close-up
On the 3D Imax of my mind
That's poetic
That's pathetic
Why did Mimi knock on Roger's door
And Collins choose that phone booth
Back where Angel set up his drums
Why did Maureen's equipment break down
Why am I the witness
And when I capture it on film
Will it mean that it's the end
And I'm alone


*Goodbye Love
(the major characters sing this after one of them dies; very sad song; best friends fighting, one of them leaving, hearts get broken)

MIMI (to ROGER)
It's true you sold your guitar and bought a car?

ROGER
It's true- I'm leaving now for Santa Fe
It's true you're with this yuppie scum?

BENNY
You said you'd never speak to him again

MIMI
Not now

MAUREEN
Who said that you have any say
In who she says things to at all?

ROGER
Yeah

JOANNE
Who said that you should
Stick your nose in other people's

MAUREEN
Who said I was talking to you?

JOANNE
We used to have this fight each night

MARK
Calm down

JOANNE
She'd never admit I existed

MARK
Everyone please!

MIMI
He was the same way he was always
"Run away hit the road
Don't commit" you're full of shit

JOANNE
She's in denial

MIMI
He's in denial

JOANNE
Didn't give an inch
When I gave a mile

MARK
Come on

MIMI
I gave a mile

ROGER
Gave a mile to who?

MARK & BENNY
Come on guys chill

MIMI & JOANNE
I'd be happy to die for a taste of what Angel had
Someone to live for unafraid to say I love you

ROGER
All your words are nice Mimi
But love's not a three way street
You'll never share real love
Until you love yourself I should know

COLLINS
You all said you'd be cool today
So please for my sake
I can't believe he's gone
(to ROGER) I can't believe you're going
I can't believe this family must die
Angel helped us believe in love
I can't believe you disagree

ALL
I can't believe this is goodbye

(MAUREEN and JOANNE look at each other)

MAUREEN
Pookie

JOANNE
Honeybear

(They embrace)

JOANNE
I missed you
MAUREEN
I missed your smell

JOANNE
I missed your mouth...Your

(They kiss, but MAUREEN pulls away)

MAUREEN
Ow

JOANNE
What?

MAUREEN
Nothing, Pookie

JOANNE
No, baby, you said ow...What?

MAUREEN
Well, you bit my tongue

JOANNE
No, I didn't

MAUREEN
You did I'm bleeding

JOANNE
No, it isn't

MAUREEN
I think I should know

JOANNE
Let me see

MAUREEN
She doesn't believe me!

JOANNE
I was only trying to

(They laugh, hug, and wave goodbye, exiting stage right.)

BENNY
stands off to the side as MIMI approaches ROGER, who turns away. She
hesitates before leaving with BENNY. ROGER and MARK are left alone)

MARK
I hear there are great restaurants out west

ROGER
Some of the best. How could she?

MARK
How could you let her go?

ROGER
You just don't know How could we lose Angel?

MARK
Maybe you'll see why when you stop escaping your pain
At least now if you try- Angel's death won't be in vain

ROGER
His death is in vain

(MIMI reappears up left, in the shadows. She overhears ROGER and
MARK's conversation)

MARK
Are you insane?
There so much to care about
There's me- there's Mimi

ROGER
Mimi's got her baggage, too

MARK
So do you

ROGER
Who are you to tell me what I know, what to do

MARK
A friend

ROGER
But who, Mark, are you?
"Mark has got his work"
They say "Mark lives for his work"
And "Mark's in love with his work"
Mark hides in his work

MARK
But from what?

ROGER
From facing your failure, facing your loneliness
Facing the fact you live a lie
Yes, you live a lie tell you why
You're always preaching not to be numb
When that's how you thrive
You pretend to create and observe
When you really detach from feeling alive

MARK
Perhaps it's because I'm the one of us to survive

ROGER
Poor baby

MARK
Mimi still loves Roger
Is Roger really jealous
Or afraid that Mimi's weak

ROGER
Mimi did look pale

MARK
Mimi's gotten thin
Mimi's running out of time
Roger's running out the door

ROGER
No more! Oh no
I've gotta go

MARK
Hey, for somebody who's always been let down
Who's heading out of town?

ROGER
For someone who longs for a community of his own,
Who's with his camera, alone?
(ROGER takes a step to go, then stops, turns)
I'll call
I hate the fall
(ROGER turns to go and sees MIMI)
You heard?

MIMI
Every word
You don't want baggage without lifetime guarantees
You don't want to watch me die
I just came to say
Goodbye, love
Goodbye, love
Came to say goodbye, love, goodbye

MIMI
Just came to say
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Goodbye

ROGER
Glory
One blaze of
Glory
Have to find

(ROGER exits. BENNY returns. MIMI steps away)

MIMI
Please don't touch me
Understand
I'm scared
I need to go away

MARK
I know a place a clinic

BENNY
A rehab?

MIMI
Maybe could you?

BENNY
I'll pay

MIMI
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Came to say goodbye, love, goodbye
Just came to say
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Hello disease



*Your Eyes
(very emotional song; even Adam Pascal said that this was the most heart-breaking song he's ever sung; Roger sings this while Mimi lies dying)

ROGER
Your eyes
As we said our goodbyes
Can't get them out of my mind
And I find I can't hide
From your eyes
The ones that took me by surprise
The night you came into my life
Where there's moonlight I see your eyes
(Band takes over)
How'd I let you slip away
When I'm longing so to hold you
Now I'd die for one more day
'Cause there's something I should have told you
Yes there's something I should have told you
When I looked into your eyes
Why does distance make us wise?
You were the song all along
And before this song dies
I should tell you I should tell you
I have always loved you
You can see it in my eyes
(We hear Musetta's Theme, played correctly and passionately. MIMI's
head falls to the side and her arm drops limply off the edge of the table)
Mimi!

*Finale B
(Mimi dies at the end of his song; but she comes alive here; the last song; one of my absolute favorites)

(Suddenly, MIMI's hand twitches. Incredibly, she is still alive)

MIMI
I jumped over the moon

ROGER
What?

MIMI
A leap of moooooooooooo

JOANNE
She's back

MIMI
I was in a tunnel. Heading for this warm, white light

MAUREEN
Oh my god

MIMI
And I swear Angel was there and she looked GOOD! And she said, "Turn
around, girlfriend, and listen to that boy's song"

COLLINS
She's drenched

MAUREEN
Her fever's breaking

MARK
There is no future there is no past

ROGER
Thank God this moment's not the last

MIMI & ROGER
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret or life is yours to miss

ALL
No other road no other way
No day but today

(As the finale grows, the entire COMPANY makes its way on stage)

WOMEN
I can't control
My destiny
I trust my soul
My only goal is just to be

MEN
Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?

(MARK's film resumes, along with two more films projecting on the back
wall, "Scenes from RENT...")

WOMEN
Without you
The hand gropes
The ear hears
The pulse beats
Life goes on
But I'm gone
'Cause I die
Without you
I die without you
I die without you
I die without you

MEN
There's only now
There's only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today

ALL
No day but today

Okay, so those weren't exactly just lines; I couldn't resist. I could have put all the lyrics here but these are the ones that really had an impact on me.



But if you want to know all the lyrics, here's where I got them from: http://www.songwords.net/waiguo/soundtrack/rent/index.htm



Since Dad's stuck here with me, he takes every opportunity to bug me. He's always been like that; a bit annoying but hey, keeps me from getting bored most of the time. He still can't drive because of his stitches from the operation. He's making me read "GENGHIS KHAN" by Harold Lamb; its actually interesting. I love history so he figured that I'd like it; now I'm seeing the notoriously infamous Genghis Khan in a whole new light.



I can't believe its Thursday; its been exactly a week since I left Manila. How time flies



I've been dancing in my room like crazy; but I'm enjoying myself



I know I had a weird dream last night but I really can't remember it; I just remember waking up and asking myself, "What the hell?!" before laughing my head off.



Trent's resting in my room; thank goodness not many people are bothering to text me. Of course there were those people who constantly send me "good morning" quotes and jokes and all that; I'm surprised that they're still sending me those stuff even if I don't reply. But I'm still happy about it; at least I know that they remember me one way or another.



I still can't believe that Danzel likes me and that Meg knew all along!; I dunno why. We've only hung out once and we only pass each other aroundthe school. So why on earth does he
like me?



All for today, folks!

Labels: ADAM LOVE, Chipmunk Love, crap, FanFic, friends, love thing, RapPascal, RENT, revelations, YouTube

These guys are so funny! I watched the video of this song a lot of times already and they still make me laugh. Even after all these years, they haven't lost their touch. When I saw them on American Idol and Jack BLack did his own rendition of "Kiss From A Rose" by Seal, that really got me rolling in my seat! And the look on his partner's face while he was singing was so cute!.

It's Election Day today. I wonder who will win. There are these articles being passed around about one candidate or another saying that he/she is not corrupt, is always willing to help, is currently working on a project and so on. Everyone knows that they're only doing it for the votes; who knows, they might not even be doing all the crap they put on that article. They're all the same.

I'm related to one of the candidates running for congressman in our district; I'm not even entirely sure if he's corrupt or not. Of course, other members of my family will say that he isn't corrupt but maybe they're just covering up for him. I don't know what to believe anymore. We live in a world full of uncertainty; no one can really tell what's right or what's wrong anymore. They're just there, staring and laughing at us.

I can't vote yet even though I just turned eighteen because I wasn't able to register. If I voted, I might leave my voting sheet blank because I don't want to vote people who are only in it for the money and the fame and not for helping the people they should be serving. To hell with them all.

Okay, enough with politics (there's that nasty taste in my mouth again).

I am currently downloading more tunes from LimeWire; Tony's not complaining of course.

I got two messages on Friendster with the subject "UST" and they were sent by my former classmates in high school. When I read them, I rolled my eyes. Here's what it said:

• 
  > > plzZZ..... read this its very
  > > important to know it.....
  > > UST scandal...
  > > read it
  > > kwentong karanasan sa UST
  > >
  > >
  > > i have a story to
  > > tell.....
  > > >i was a college
  > > >freshman...
  > > >during my first sem. i had this
  > > >experience.....
  > > >
  > > >i have a
  > > >class in the comm.dept.,,,we had
  > > >a group
  > > >presentation....so we reserved
  > > >the
  > > >auditorium.......
  > > >
  > > >when we got in,the lights were already
  > > >turned
  > > >on
  > > >and i dropped my bag and set up my
  > > >laptop while
  > > >the others fixed the
  > > >projectors and the
  > > >posters.....we noticed that one of our
  > > >group
  > > >member
  > > >was not around....i looked for her
  > > >outside
  > > >and i saw her sitting on a
  > > >bench..she was
  > > >having
  > > >a
  > > >smoke and looked pale...i let her in
  > > the
  > > >audi
  > > >cause
  > > >the teacher was on her way....she
  > > didnt
  > > >want to
  > > >come in.she
  > > >revealed to me that she can
  > > >see
  > > >ghosts and other supernatural beings
  > > >that
  > > >no on
  > > >else can.......
  > > >
  > > >according to her...there was a girl at
  > > >the
  > > >ceiling
  > > >that kept on laughing and was pointing
  > > at
  > > >me...she
  > > >said she
  > > >follows me around,and kept on
  > > >swinging
  > > >from beam to beam.....
  > > >
  > > >as we
  > > >reached the door,she grabbed my
  > > >arm.i
  > > >saw
  > > >that there was a wet puddle
  > > >right next to
  > > >my bag
  > > >on the chair.suddenly something small
  > > >fell from
  > > >the
  > > >ceiling and landed on the puddle,it
  > > was
  > > a
  > > >drop of
  > > >liquid.she told me
  > > >not to look up the
  > > >ceiling...but i
  > > >was curious...as i looked up i saw a
  > > >girl
  > > >with black
  > > >ragged clothes,she has yellow teeth as
  > > >if
  > > >she
  > > >didn't
  > > >brush her teeth since she was born,she
  > > >has long
  > > >unruly
  > > >hair that looked like it cant be
  > > >brushed no
  > > >matter how you try.she was
  > > >mocking and
  > > >was
  > > >laughing at me...sh e kept on
  > > pointing at
  > > >me.she
  > > >was
  > > >drooling,and her drool was color
  > > >yellow and it
  > > >has an awful smell,it was
  > > >slimy.i got my
  > > >things
  > > >and
  > > >went out of the room,i threw away the
  > > >bag
  > > >that
  > > >has
  > > >her drool on it.i didnt want any
  > > memories
  > > >of
  > > >what
  > > >happened that day.but i kept seeing
  > > her
  > > >in my
  > > >room.i didn't know
  > > >what to do.i found out
  > > >later that
  > > >before the school stood there,it was a
  > > >big
  > > >house.she lives in the big house and
  > > her
  > > >father
  > > >didn't want her to
  > > >go out of their mansion
  > > >so she
  > > >was locked in a room,she died and
  > > >her
  > > >body was
  > > >not found,some say she became
  > > >crazy,some say
  > > >her body was
  > > >in the walls of the room and
  > > >she
  > > >loves to play on the ceiling
  > > >wandering
  > > >around,swinging.the room later on
  > > >became the
  > > >comm.dept of the
  > > >school.
  > > >
  > > >i realized that she wanted to let the
  > > >people know
  > > >what
  > > >happened to her,because when i
  > > >began to
  > > >tell
  > > >people,she didn't visit me
  > > >in my room
  > > >anymore.the
  > > >problem is that the person i told
  > > about
  > > >her
  > > >also
  > > >have to spread her story.
  > > >
  > > >so post this message again and also
  > > >send
  > > >it to
  > > >other people..if u ignore this and
  > > just
  > > read
  > > >it,she
  > > >will
  > > >visit you in your room and follow u
  > > >wherever
  > > >you
  > > >will go by swinging on
  > > >the ceiling.don't
  > > >ignore
  > > >this,u
  > > >dont want to see her face.....BELIEVE
  > > >ME......you'll regret it.....keep on
  > > sending
  > > >and
  > > >posting NOW...u must be done after an
  > > >hour or else
  

Puh-lease! I've read this message a thousand times already; I even read this in a book once. Come on, people. Are you that dumb to believe in this crap?

There's this guy on Multiply who's looking for a girlfriend. He's saying stuff like he's "sexy", "cute", "intelligent" and whatever else he said and at the end of his post he said: "If you think that I'm your type, please contact me on this website". Wow. He's THAT desperate?

Can you guys give me suggestions of nice songs that I can download? Any kind of genre (rock, pop, jazz, etc.), local or international. You can leave your suggestions on the "comments" thing below this post or email me at lui14_LOTRfan@yahoo.com Thanks in advance!

It's so hot! I like summer, don't get me wrong. I just hate it when it gets so hot the whole day and it gets cold at night; maybe that's another reason why I'm sick. And now my brother and sister got the sniffles and the cough, too. And of course, they blame me for that.

I now have 900+ songs on Tony.

I guess that's all for today.

Take care everyone!.

Labels: crap, dirty politics, sick, TONY LOVE