NOTE: This post has been edited.

LSS OF THE DAY: "WHAT YOU OWN"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

I knew it wasn't gonna last long. Oh well..






So, I did leave for Manila yesterday early morning, around 2:30. I got to the dorm around 8 because I still had to change into my uniform; seriously, we still needed to wear uniforms just to get our clearance? Stupid, really. But anyway, I waited for my friends, and when everyone was there, Meg held out these bags for me and Judith; turns out they were our early birthday presents (Judith's birthday is today; mine is on the 12th). And the others gave me letters; Simon drew an angel for me.






Then we went inside our building, got our clearances and went to the Health Service because Meg had to do something there. Jay followed us there and we had fun talking to Ma'am Shake.






Stayed in the school for awhile so I read the letters they gave me. I was touched by Simon's letter and I was laughing at Meg's letter but when it came to Albert's, my heart sank.





He wrote that he likes me, and that it's actually getting close to love. I was suspecting for a while that he might actually like me but I didn't think it was like that. I kept the letter and tried to act as normally as possible. I talked to Meg and apparently, everyone in the group knew about it EXCEPT me.






"I care for you very much, and like you the same. What I feel is more than friendship, close to a romantic relationship. I am not prepared to say "I love you", though as time passes and things change, I hope to whisper it sincerely and passionately and shout it triumphantly."

That was just part of what he said, but I think he summed it all up in just these sentences.







While I was reading it, I couldn't stop thinking, "This is not happening. This CAN'T be happening." I already had a hunch that he liked me but I just ignored it, praying that it would just fade. But it didn't.







I've already thought about this ever since I first suspected that he liked me, and whatever I think or say, it always comes down to one conclusion: he's like a brother to me, and just the mere thought of me and him getting together makes me cringe because it really doesn't feel right.







I just sent him a message through Multiply. I hope he takes it as a man. I know that it'll create tensions between us, but I believe that it'll pass.






While Simon accompanied me in waiting for an FX in Espanya, Danzel walked by. He looked a bit surprised to see me with Simon (I actually saw him give something close to a "death glare" as he looked at Mon), and sure enough, he thought that he was courting me. I was talking to him awhile ago when he asked if I had a "new guy"; paranoid, much?







I left Manila around 3:40 and I arrived in Dagupan by 9pm. Whew!







So anyway, I think all the contestants on American Idol are pretty stressed out. Some of them weren't as giddy as they used to be or they seemed to space out a bit. David Cook looked exhausted after he performed and he was always smiling after he sang. I guess it's because of Idol Gives Back which will air tomorrow. Jason Castro did really well; and, alright, Christy Lee Cook did well too. I'm scared for Carly. I hope Syesha gets the boot on Friday.

"So I own not a notion, I escape and gape, content. I don't own emotion, I RENT.."

Labels: American Idol, confusion, decisions, friends and laughter, love thing, Manila life, RENT, revelations, schedules, school

*This post has been edited.

LSS OF THE DAY: "WITHOUT YOU"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

*sigh*





I haven't heard from him since yesterday. And he said that the message he sent me wasn't supposed to be for me. Oh, fine. Whatever.





Do you think I'm paranoid? Thinking of a guy who clearly doesn't think or give a damn about me? I hate it when I feel this way. I feel so helpless.






Maybe I really should move on. Maybe I really should forget about him. But, as I always say, "Easier said than done".






When my friends ask how "we're" doing, I don't know what to say to them. I usually shrug and try to answer as indifferently as I could; but knowing them, I could tell that they can see that it's not just that. I know they can see the hurt and confusion in my eyes, but thankfully, they don't bring it up.





I keep on asking myself, "Why do I even bother?"; and a little voice in my head answers: "Because you love him". ARGH! Stupid voice.





I thought that I was going to enjoy my summer vacation. Kick back, relax and all that stuff. I am relaxing, but when I'm not doing anything my mind tends to wander; and mre often than not, I keep on thinking about him. What he's doing, how he is, if he ever thinks about me, or if I ever cross his mind even for a split second....NO! STOP IT!






As odd and as mean as it sounds, I want to see him bleed as much as I did, and still do, as matter of fact. I want to see that he's really affected, I don't want to just hear him say, "Yeah, I got affected" because it's not enough. I want to SEE it; in his face, in his actions, in everything that he does. I want to see that I'm not the only one suffering from this problem of ours. I know it sounds harsh, but I'm still feeling a little bitter towards him.






*sigh*

I LOVE YOU. EVEN THOUGH YOUR KILLING ME

I'm breaking down. When will this end?

..will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?

Labels: crap, depression and tears, love thing, questions, relapse, RENT, shitty

LSS OF THE DAY: "RENT"

From: RENT [Musical/Movie]

Be warned--this is gonna be an emo post.






I just can't stand it anymore! Why is he acting so indifferent? Can't he see that he's making me suffer more? Sure, it was nice of him to ask me if I'm going to the Graduation of our Seniors tomorrow, but he could have at least finished our conversation! I hate it when people leave me hanging without saying "goodbye", especially if the conversation was getting interesting. Sometimes I just want to smack him for being so oblivious to what's going on; maybe that might knock some sense into him.






I'll admit that I'm weak when it comes to him. I can't stop myself from opening up to him or spilling me heart out; it comes naturally, really, especially if I feel different for the person on question. I just really hate it when he thinks that everything's "okay" between us then he'll start acting like nothing's happened. Well, that "nothing" pushed me to the brink of my sanity, made me wander aimlessly, made me shed tears, and worst of all, BROKE MY HEART. Yes, my heart got broken--YET AGAIN.






This afternoon, while I was listening to the song "Will I" from RENT, I started crying; I couldn't help it. I wanted to scream, I wanted to pull my hair, I wanted to cry and cry and cry until my eyes dried up; but I didn't. I just let it all out through singing along while I allowed the tears to fall.






I love him. I love him. I love him. I can't get over him. What the hell is wrong with me?!






We NEVER got together, and yet I still have that hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach after a break-up. How did I get so emotionally attached to someone I never had a real relationship with? I want to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, move on, and never look back. But everytime I pick up a piece, I drop it again; and when I move forward, I keep looking over my shoulder. I can't stop. I can't stop..







Now, everybody, SING WITH ME!

..will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?
- "Will I", RENT



This heart is not the first heart broken,
My eyes are not the first to cry,
I'm not the first to know,
There's just no gettin' over you
I know I'm just a fool who's willing
To sit around and wait for you
But baby can't you see,
There's nothin' else for me to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you
But now there's nowhere to hide,
Since you pushed my love aside
I'm not in my head,
hopelessly devoted to you

My head is saying "fool, forget him",
My heart is saying "don't let go"
Hold on to the end, that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you
- "Hopelessly Devoted To You", GREASE


If I loved you,
Time and again I would try to say
All I'd want you to know.
If I loved you,
Words wouldn't come in an easy way
Round in circles I'd go!
Longin' to tell you,
But afraid and shy,
I'd let my golden chances pass me by!
Soon you'd leave me,
Off you would go in the mist of day,
Never, never to know how I loved you
If I loved you.
- "If I Loved You", CAROUSEL

*sigh* I really, REALLY need some sort of distraction or something. I seriously need to get him out of my head.







Damn. I'm falling apart..again.

Labels: crap, depression and tears, love thing, RENT, shitty

*NOTE: This post has been edited. The picture that was posted here before this is at the bottom






So, yeah, the picture pretty much says it all. Our barkada outing FINALLY pushed through. Our schedule:

MARCH 23: I went to Manila.



MARCH 24: Went back to Dagupan with my friends: Meg, Sarah, Janel, Gian, Mau, Albert and Simon



MARCH 25: Went to Baguio; SM, Camp John Hay, Mine's View Park, Botanical Garden and Burnham Park.



MARCH 26: Went down from Baguio, went to San Fabian, Bonuan, then to Matutina's for dinner.



MARCH 27: They went back to Manila.

We had so much fun! Most of them were so used to Manila that they were a bit surprised at how the province looked.





Our Baguio trip was the best; we enjoyed the cool air and the smell of pine trees and the inummerable flowers. And of course, the cabin we rented was absolutely beautiful; there were even these windows that you can open and sit of the edge so you can see the view better. We cooked our own dinner and we really did a great job at it. The menu: breaded chicken breast, mashed potato with gravy and mushroom soup.





My heart syopped (literally) when Albert got hurt; we had to get down these really steep steps going to the cabin since it was sort of going downhill. When we got back from Burnham Park, I have no idea what got into Albert's head at the time so he decided to just walk down on the grass instead of taking the stairs. He easily outstripped us and he was doing fine, until he stumbled and ROLLED on the gravel. He lay there, sprawled near the bushes and he didn't move for two seconds. We immediately ran down as he was getting up. He had a really big nasty scratch on his left arm. We wrapped it with tissue and scotch tape (Simon, you are a life-saver!). I hope he learned his lesson after that





We had a mini-drinking session around past midnight; I only had a shot of Lambanog and a shot of Gran Matador. My head really hurt after since according to them, the Lambanog's alcohol content was pretty high and I'm not used to drinking and I'm allergic to alcohol. Mau, Albert and Simon kept on asking if we were feeling okay and they kept on pestering us to drink lots of Iced Tea and Coke so we could get the alcohol out of our system when we urinate. Mau finally allowed us to go to bed around 3-ish; my headache's subsided around that time.





I didn't have a hang-over the next morning, thank goodness! But my hands started to itch a little bit because of my allergies. Meg made a really good breakfast: corned beef omelette, tomato omelette, cheese omelette, and tuna. We left Baguio around past noon and we went straight to San Fabian where my uncle lived. We were supposed to go swimming at the beach but the others got discouraged when they found a few dead jellyfish lying on the sand. But Simon didn't care; he went in the water anyway. The rest either used the hammocks, walked on the sand looking for more dead jellyfish or shells, made sandcastles, soaked their feet on the shore, or threw sand at each other.





Dad picked us up from there and he dropped us off in Bonuan, where they met Mom and Doc. I showed Simon this face on the wall and he told me a few things that made my skin crawl; I'd rather not say it here. Then we ate in Matutina's for dinner. I couldn't help but laugh at how much food Mau ate that night; I mean, for a skinny guy, where the hell does he store all that food?! We could have stayed longer but Janel wasn't feeling very well so we left as soon as we finished eating. Me, Meg, Sarah and Gian rode with Mom and Mau, Simon, Albert and Janel rode with Doc; Janel texted us on the way and said that they were listening to Spice Girls. We couldn't stop laughing!





By the time we got back home we were pretty tired; but oddly enough, we didn't go to sleep right away. We ended up exchanging stories and laughing our butts off until midnight before we watched a movie until three in the morning.





We were supposed to wake up early (March 27) but since we were still tired, we overslept by two hours. And they were kind of delaying their departure time because I could see that they were still pretty comfortable where they were. But sadly, they couldn't wait any longer so they left around two in the afternoon.





Despite the few rifts we experienced (literally and figuratively), we were still able to forget about them and just enjoy the time that we had together. If anything, this outing made our bond as a barkada stronger and this gave us the chance to get to know each other better. They're the best friends anyone could ever have and I am truly blessed to have them.





I MISS THEM ALREADY! When I look at my now empty room, I can't help but imagine at how they used to make a big mess out of it. I could still remember who slept where and who laid down beside who. I remember when all of us were in that same room, watching a moive, playing cards and just having a laugh. I live for little moments like that, and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

Meg, Sarah, Janel, Gian, Mau, Albert and Simon, I hope you all had as much fun as I did. Let's do this again, okay?

----------------------------------------------------

FRIENDS. LIFE'S GREATEST TREASURES.


Again, thanks guys, for a great time. Thanks for all the stories, the laughter, the conversations, the help, the company, heck, even the most embarassing and scariest moments!; in short, thanks for the memories I hope you guys can come back soon! Love you all!


More pictures here: http://lauredilian.multiply.com

----------------------------------------------------


So, anyway, remember the letter I wrote here? Well, we talked on Sunday, the day before I went back to Dagupan; I was in the dormn that time. We finally talked things through, but somehow, I'm not satisfied. He made it clear that maybe now's not the right time for us to be together because he said that he's really going to be busy and that he would be unfair to me if he wasn't always there. I kept on telling him that he needed to practice time management, but he said it wasn't that easy. I grudgingly agreed to what he said; I mean, I really couldn't say anything more about it. But he reminded me that he was always going to be there for me, no matter what. I guess that's the best I can hope for.




And two good things came out of our conversation: I got him to admit that he got jealous because of Albert; he actually thought that Albert was courting me because we hang out a lot so I expalined to him that we were just good friends. And that he doesn't just like me; his feelings for me are much deeper than that. Okay, I'll admit that I got all giddy and googley-eyed when he said the second one; I couldn't help it, really




We haven't talked since then. I don't know if he's avoiding me or he just won't text me because he thinks that we're okay. I mean, one of the reasons why he kept on texting me before was because he wanted to check on how I was doing. Now that everything's slightly okay between us, maybe he thinks that he doesn't have a reason to talk to me anymore. But that's just what I think.




*sigh* Love...

Labels: decisions, friends, friends and laughter, love, love thing, revelations, summer, vacation

LSS OF THE DAY: "FINALE B"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

Sooooooooooo many things have happened since my last update. So, what are we waiting for? Let's get to it!






The Debate, our finals in English, went well. I was part of the Opposition with Meg and Ella while Mark Anido, Waki and Rissa made up our Government. We were given three topics to research on and then our professor will just randomly select one on the day of the debate itself. The three topics were: 1.) UST: 4oo Years Of Student Empowerment, or 400 Years of Colonialism?; 2.) Migration: A Success Or Failure To Nationalism?; and 3.) English As A Classroom Medium Of Instruction. We feverishly debated amongst ourselves and absorbed every little detail that we could come across. On the day of the debate itself, we found out that we were going to go against either the students from Sociology or Political Science; I remember my head shooting up to look warily at whoever said it. I just realized then that Danzel was in Sociology, so, yeah, that meant that he just MIGHT be there. I prayed in my head that he wasn't going to be there so I pushed him out of my thoughts since I had a debate to worry about.






It was also the first day of our final examinations on Thursday so we had to cram two other subjects (HR and Stat) aside from all the information we got from our classmates. We staggered out of the classroom as soon as we passed our papers and started reading through our notes; our last exam ended at 12:40 and the debate was scheduled at 1p.m., so no lunch break. We had to change clothes because our professor said that we had to look "professional".






So, we trudged to the Tan Yan Kee Student Center, up to the fourth floor, and into the AVR; the same place where we had the Team Building seminar the week before. I scanned the room; no tall, dark, thin guy with a goatee. I sighed in relief. Our professor was announcing who'll battle against who and, surprise, surprise! We were gonna go against Socio and our topic was the English thing, which by far was the easiest. My knees were shaking by the time we were walking towards the table where we were assigned. I took several deep breaths while waiting for the Government side speak up.






The first speaker lacked the conviction that a person needed to sound strong and sure, but we listened intently to what she had to say so we could point out any flaws in their arguments. Meg did a great job at countering their speeches; the Deputy Prmie Minister of the Government had such a soft voice that I could only get bits and pieces of her speech and that was what I needed! So when it was my turn to speak, I couldn't think of any other thing to say so I had to cut short my speech by three minutes or so. And guess what? While I was talking, HE walked in; he even hid behind our professor and I saw some of his classmates proding him. When I sat down, I knew he was looking at me the whole time but I kept my head turned the other way. And, WE WON!







Sadly, Mark, Rissa and Waki lost to Political Science. No offense, but some fo them were straying off the topic and yet they won? Biased!






So anyway, after the debate, to our surprise, Trish (our class president) and Cel (our vice-president) bought food for us, courtesy of the whole class. You could just imagine how hungry we were. THANKS GUYS!






We hung out in school for awhile; me, Meg, Albert, Simon and Jo, who joined us a little later, stayed in Lovers Lane. A little later, I looked at my phone, and I saw that Danzel texted me.



(originally in Tagalog, but I translated it into English)
D: Hey, Marvs wants to get your number. Is it okay if I give it to him? (Marvs was the guy Danzel was campaigning for in the elections and we've been friends since)
L: Sure! And can you tell him that I'll get his number from Jo since I'm with her anyway?
D: Yeah, Jo just texted me. Where are you?
L: In Lovers Lane.
D: Do you want me to go there.
L: It's okay with me. You're not busy or anything?
D: Nope. I'm not doing anything.
L: Okay. But are you sure you wanna come? Meg's here. (Yes, they know each other; they tease each other a lot so I just made sure)
D: You don't want me to go?
L: I said it's okay. I was just asking.
D: You might be mad at me. By the way, congratulations on your win. You did a great job.
L: What makes you think that I'm mad at you? Oh, thanks.
D: Oh, nothing. I'll be there a little later.

But then, the guard shooed us off becuase of the curfew. So I texted him.

L: Hey, they're making us leave. How's that?
D: Let's still meet. I'm near the field. I'll meet you there.

By this time, Meg and Simon already left so it's just me, Albert and Jo. He came, we went out to P. Noval, Albert left us, then we went to Jolibbee in Lacson. Since Jo and Danzel are both from the same political party, all they talked about was politics and I just butted in once in a while. When Jo stood up to order ice cream I asked him:

L: What made you think that I was mad at you?
D: (looks down) Nothing, really. It just crossed my mind.

He really wouldn't look at me in the eye while were talking. Around quarter to midnight, we decided that it was time to leave. Jo went straight out while were turned right to Dapitan. We talked until we reached my dorm. When he left, I texted him:

L: Hey, Danz. Thanks for meeting us and for taking me to the dorm. Take care, okay?
D: Sure, that was nothing. But next time, it just has to be the two of us.

I was a bit surprised at what he said but I decided to let it slide.





The next day, we didn't have classes but we weren't given time to relax because we promised Jo that we'd help her out with her staffing duties for the Baccalureate Mass. We distributed the food, ordered the Seniors around and stuff like that. While we were doing all that stuff, Danzel and I were still texting. He was supposed to be there but his parents forced him to go home. We were busy for the whole day; tiring, but fun.


L: So, this is what you do.
D: Yeah. Do you understand me now?
L: I always have. That's why I'm leaving you alone.
D: Ah. By the way, what is it with you and Albert?
L: Albert? Why?
D: Nothing. Just asking.
L: He's part of our group. Why?
D: Nothing.
L: Okay. So, I guess we should forget about it, huh?
D: I don't think so. Let's stay neutral.
L: Neutral?
D: Yeah. Whatever's happening now, let's keep it that way.
L: Okay.

I forgot what else we talked about since it was around this time that we were already watching the fireworks. While we were getting the Seniors ready to pas under the Arc of the Centuries, Kuya Ace, one of the Staffers, approached us and told us that Simon was in the hospital. Apparently, he collapsed while he was doing what he was supposed to do; I kind of expected someone to give way at any time but I wasn't expecting him. So after everything was done, we went to the hospital and watched over Simon until his parents came back. We left around quarter to 12.







The next day, we had an exam in Biology at 10a.m. And right after that, Danzel texted me again, asking me if I could accompany him somewhere. I agreed, so we arranged the time and place of where we were going to meet. After we did what he asked me to do, I got ready for the Launching of the Behavioral Science Federation. Meg came over and she put make-up on me. The pictures are still being uploaded on my Multiply. I had a lot of fun. Kuya JPaul kept on taking pictures of me and Jan. Crazy guy. Then we went to the GAP victory party afterwards. Meg ahd to leave early and I got back to the dorm around 1a.m.







The next day, Sunday, I was too lazy to get out of bed. And, surpise! Danzel texted me again asking if I could hear Mass with him. I couldn't say no. So I went to UST around 3:30 just so I can have time for myself. Marvs was there too so we hung out for a bit while we waited for Danzel. When he came, they smoked a bit, then we went to McDonald's. He even laid his arm on my leg when I was facing him. Marvs left so it was just me and him going to Church. There were a lot of people so we stayed outside. When it came to the "Peace be with you" part, I turned to face him, when I felt him kiss me on the cheek AND half of my lips. I was stunned beyong words. When he saw the look on my face he said that he and his blockmates do it everytime they hear Mass together. I just laughed it off.







Looking back on that, I still wonder where's the "neutral" that he told me. Oh well. We'll see.....







Exams are over! We went to Trinoma right after our last exam and went to Red Box for videoke. So much fun! Can't wait to do it again.







I'm home in Dagupan now. And I'm sooooooo tired!







I have so much more to say, but right now, I really have to sleep.







See yah later, love!

Labels: confusion, crap, depression and tears, friends, friends and laughter, likes and dislikes, love, love thing, relapse, RENT, summer

LSS OF THE DAY: "WITHOUT YOU"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

Dear lord, I'm exhausted.






Last Saturday, I didn't go home. So yeah, I was stuck in my cave (dorm).






And last Sunday, I had to attend this thing for LTS; okay, it was a Mass and sort of like a closing program but I found it to be dull. And what was worse was that the NSTP coordinator told us off for being noisy, TWICE! That was so humiliating. And to think, we're in college and yet we still act like a bunch of pre-schoolers. Oh well. We stayed in school until 8pm. As always, we played frisbee even though it was pretty dark. Lots of one-on-one moments that I'll never forget.






Sarah and Mau broke up; but I think they're together again. Or is it just my imagination?






My ninang from the States called me yesterday just to check on how I was doing. I was really touched when she told me that she misses me. She's one of those old people who knows how to relate to today's generation, since she has two kids who are just a few years older than me. She told me stories about her younger days, when she and my tito weren't married yet. Their courtship, how they were able to handle their break-up and still remained close, and how he proposed. Needless to say, it was nakakakilig; and coming from her, that's saying a lot! I told her about my current "situation" with--well, you know who; she told me some stuff and I'd rather not say them here. Ssssshhh! I can't wait for her to call again.






And I am very pleased to say that as of yesterday, I have a son! Not biological, of course. Remember our family tree? Iris is my "mom", Meg and Janel are my "daughters", Sarah's our "dog", Gian's my "sister", Albert's my "brother-in-law", Simon's my "stepfather"; we don't have positions for Judith, Claudette and Jigo yet, and now Jay (Albert's friend, who's been hanging out with us) is now my "son". Me, Meg, Albert and Jay stayed in school until seven last night in Lovers Lane. Just talking. Meg even took a video of Jay and his inability to do the steps that Jigo did last week; now I have something to laugh at when I'm depressed. No offense, Jay; love yah, m'boy!






And tomorrow's gonna be a busy day for us.

MARCH 12, 2008 (Wednesday)

8:00 - 9:00 -> Meet up at the Pav for Stat
9:00 - 12:00 -> Debate drill
12:00 - 3:00 -> CLASSES
3:00 - 4:00 -> Exam in Theology (should have been today but she didn't show up)

*and some time between 4:00-7:00 we have to take a quiz in Bio through E-Leap AND attend the election of officers for BESSCIFED.

Is that busy, or is that busy?






Which reminds me, I have to write down all that stuff that Meg told me for the debate. I volunteered to replace Judith since she really wasn't into it. At least I made someone's day.






I'm beginning to notice something. But I wouldn't want to sound hasty or anything, so I'll just sit back and watch how everything will turn out.






I saw him awhile ago in front of our building, while I was talking to Albert. I hate it when I get shivers down my spine everytime I see him. I am so weak. Pathetic, really.

"If he doesn't make a move, forget about him" - my friends.

But the thing is, I'm already trying. Why isn't it working?

Labels: BesFed, crap, decisions, depression and tears, emotions, exhaustion, family, love thing, relapse, reminders, RENT, revelations, schedules, school, school woes

LSS OF THE DAY: "WILL I"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here I go again.






When was my last update? So anyway, two days ago (March 5, Wednesday), we had this team building thing with the other section. I have to admit, it was fun! I learned a lot from my fellow BESmates and I'm really looking forward to the times when we'll be working together again. And I made new friends too. We did this "Amazing Race" sort fo thing where we had to run from the fourth floor of the Tan Yan Kee building to Lovers Lane, to the field, to the Quadri, then back to TYK. I didn't eat a lot so I wasn't running as fast I should; and I even fell three times in one of the activities! But it was worth it. I'll post my pictures the next time I get home, which is like, after forever?







We even played frisbee until quarter to ten after that! Me, Meg, Jigo, and Albert stayed and later some people from BES2 joined us.






My body was so sore yesterday that I had the slightest difficulty in walking and moving a lot.







And speaking of yesterday, I was high-depressed. I was high because I was depressed. I was tired, I was depressed, and I was pissed. Some people just don't know how to show respect to some people and they don't know when to keep their mouths shut. I swear, I wanted to slap them just to keep them quiet. Many times I just wanted to tell them off, just to show how pissed I was, but I kept telling myself to be patient. Some of them asked how I was since I was so quiet and that I kept on staring into space; I appreciate their concern, but they don't know the real reason. I was really high-strung yesterday; thank goodness I was able to let off some steam.







*sigh* So many things have been happening for the past few days. Sometimes I wonder if it's all just coincidence or..I dunno..fate? I mean, what are the odds of us seeing each other in the same place three times? (Yes, I'm counting, but so what?!) He tried to get my attention last night, but pride kept me from acknowledging him completely. After everything that happened, he still thinks that everything's okay between us? Sure, he textes me more now, even though it's already super late; but still! Why does he even bother? I'm still hurting from what he did and I haven't totally forgiven him.






Although, alright, I admit, I still care for the guy; heck, I LOVE him for crying out loud! But I still can't bring myself to fully accept what he said.






But...I may say that I'm mad at him now, but when the time comes that he'll ask for a second chance, I know that I'm gonna give it to hom. My feelings are too strong; I can't avoid that. Call me stupid, call me a bitch, call me desperate, I DON'T CARE.







Just like what Albert and Jo told me last night, "He doesn't deserve you. Move on". Easier said that done, I'm afraid. But I am trying, really!

"Sometimes in my darkest thoughts, I wish I never learned what it is to be in love and have that love returned". - Written In The Stars, AIDA.

I won't be going home. Oh well. And exams are coming up. Crunch time, baby!








'Til next time, love!

Labels: depression and tears, friends, love, love thing, relapse, RENT

LSS OF THE DAY: "FINALE B"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

I know your probably fed up with all my RENT crap, but dear, it's my head and it's my life so there's nothing you can do to change my mind. I love you!






I'm being sarcastic today. I wonder why.






I'm in the library computer lab typing my position paper in Theology since they didn't have any vacant computers in Netopia.





But before I went there, I withdrew money from my ATM since I was running low on cash, and I had to pay for my dorm. As I was walking there, I was calculating in my head how much money I should withdraw; dorm, pictures for the scrapbook for LTS, laundry, internet time, food..I guess that was it. So after I got the money, walked to Netopia and when they told me that they didn't have any vacancy, a voice in the back of my head said: "It's a sign, Lui; God doesn't want you to spend a lot today". Needless to say, I heeded that voice so I decided to go to the library and use my FREE internet browsing priviledges. GOD IS GOOD!






It was our last meeting in P.E. today; and our written exam was pretty easy. When Professor Adri asked, "Where was the last men's football league held?" (or something like that, I couldn't remember the exact question); we all stared blankly at her for a few seconds before she said, "You already have a clue". It was then I noticed that she was wearing a FIFA shirt with the German flag on it. Praying that that was what she meant, I wrote it down. And guess what? That was it! I laughed so hard afterwards. After that, Prof. let us play a bit so we started running across the field and when the guys asked if we wanted to play with them, we agreed, naturally! Had a lot of fun. I'm gonna miss going to P.E. every Tuesday at 7am to 9am. And it is our very last P.E. Very sad.







Oh yeah, yesterday, we went to Janel's house since Mark had to make a Powerpoint presentation for our Computer class. We were supposed to do our project in Theology but since Janel said that her parents wouldn't want her to be alone with a guy in the house, we went too. Janel doesn't have Theology this semester so we had to "pretend" that we were doing something else. After awhile, we started making fun of each other, taking pictures, playing "heart-breaking" songs (I almost cried because some of them made me really depressed), jammed with Mau as he played the guitar, had heart-to-heart conversations, danced and sang along (Janel took a video of me dancing alone and of me dancing with Sarah and Meg; I hope she doesn't upload it on Multiply. I'll never show my face in public again if she does!) and just had fun. We ended up going home around past 10pm.






I've noticed that we keep on coming home late over the past few weeks. But I'm telling you, that's just a taste of what will happed to us next year. I'll explain it some other time.





Something's wrong with Yahoo! Mail; a dialog box keeps on popping out about "failing to retrieve the weather data" and whatever. It's annoying.






I'm multi-tasking! I'm typing here, I'm typing my paper, AND I'm reading FanFiction!






Friendster and Multiply are blocked from the computers here so I can't check them out. And Sir Eric finally approved my invitation!






And when I'm done here, I have to run out to Dapitan and have it printed.







*sigh* I hope I don't see him today. PLEASE don't let me see him today. My day started out great and I don't want it to go crashing down if I see him.





Okay, now I really have to finish my paper since my class will be starting in an hour. I have to write three pages; but the font is Arial and the font size is 14 AND it's 1.5 spacing. Yeah, I can do it.







Catch yah later, love!

Labels: bad/happy day, crap, emotions, friends, friends and laughter, heartbreak, love thing, random, relapse, RENT, rush, school, school woes

*This post has been delayed due to so many--uhh--delays; and I apologize. Originally published on the said date, but really published on Feb. 15.

LSS OF THE DAY: "GREEN FINCH AND LINNET BIRD"

From: SWEENEY TODD [Musical/Movie]

It may not be RENT, but it's still a musical





Finally! I can blog AND use my smileys!





Carl and Audrey's wedding last weekend was BEAUTIFUL; I had a blast with my family. If it wasn't for them, then, well, I wouldn't be this happy. I'm still waiting for the pictures to be uploaded; I think something's wrong with the software. And I miss everyone!!!. I hope we could have another get-together soon..





I love hanging out with my family, and I love them to death.






AB Week, or AB day? I guess Danzel was right, our Student Council SUCKS.






Speaking of Danzel..Yes, he was the guy who told me that he liked me last year. And you know what the funny thing is? I like him too. I remember talking to one of my friends some time this week and I told her:

"You know what? I'm not so sure of myself right now".
Her: Why?
Me: I like someone.
Her: What's so wrong about that?
Me: It's Danzel.
Her: Oh, yeah, there is something definitely wrong with that!

Maybe it's because of his "bad boy" image? Most probably, I guess.




But, I dunno, I really do like him. I told him, and he was actually happy about it. And you know what he asked me? "Will you be my Cinderella?"; I swear, I didn't know how to react to that But I said yes





But sadly, it just wasn't meant to be. All I can say is, it wasn't the right time yet. So we ended it, and hopefully, once everything's settled down, we can talk about it.







I WANT THOSE DARN ELECTIONS TO END.







We did this letter in one of our computer classes:

To my Valentine,





It’s that time of year again; that one day when everyone wears red and flowers and chocolates are being sold our everywhere. It’s sort of like Christmas, it comes once a year and minus the lights and the huge Santa Clause that block everyone’s way.



Love is in the air, they say; such an old saying and yet it still brings lots of meaning to many people. Smiles flash as bright as light bulbs and the deepest shade of crimson rivals that of the blood that courses through our veins.



Cupid’s overworking himself this year, as I have strangely noticed. His job isn’t easy so I hope he gets paid right; I guess seeing his targets fall helplessly in love is reward enough for him.



It may seem a bit sickening at times, when lovers show a little too much affection for one another; but I guess that I should cut them some slack since this does come just once a year. But since they are lovers, then they must show that they love each other everyday, right?



I hope you have a great Valentine’s Day and I hope that all the stuff I said didn’t ruin your mood.





Always,

Lui

Crazy, right? I don't even know who I was thinking of at that time. No particular person..






Our Valentine's celebration as a group was, well, a huge success. We had a lot of fun just sitting back, chatting, making fun of each other (and the other people around us); just being ourselves. Can't wait for next year!A big thanks to the people who gave me cards and chocolates; I LOVE YOU GUYS!






I'm kinda in a rush so I can't say a lot. Next time, love!

HAPPY HEARTS DAY!

Labels: crap, friends, friends and laughter, hearts, love, love thing, rush

LSS OF THE DAY: "I'LL COVER YOU"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

Yeah, yeah. You know the drill, sweetums.




*sigh*




..what? Oh. Yeah.




*shakes head*





I'm getting sick. I have the sniffles now and my throat's starting to hurt again. Ugh.






Anyway..





It's hard..you know. Pretending to be happy, when deep inside, your dying. Sometimes I wish that I could just rip my heart out and throw it away so I won't feel anymore. Sometimes I wish I don't have a soul so I could simply walk around, lifeless; that way I wouldn't feel the hurt, the shame, even the happiness that engulfs me. Sometimes, I wish, I'm not alive. I'm sick and tired of feeling. I'm sick and tired of EVERYTHING.






No, no, no..







Stop it already, Lui. You have to stop..

Labels: depression and tears, love thing, relapse, RENT

LSS OF THE DAY: "FINALE B"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

How long has it been? Feels like forever to me






Honestly, everything's a blur to me now. I feel like I'm walking in a daze; everything seems so real, yet, unreal at the same time. Am I making any sense?





Sometimes I ask myself if what would have happened if I never agreed to take him back? Would things be different?





I used to love my solitude; those rare times when I could just kick back, relax and let my mind wander. But when that does happen, I find myself drifting back to our last conversation and before I even realize what's happening, the tears start falling.





It pains me to think that he's found a--replacement for me, for lack of better word; and after all that we've been through, he now only sees, and loves me, as a "friend". Now, tell me that doesn't hurt..I dare you.





One of my friends said that he's not over me; yeah, right. And he expects me to believe that? What a load of crap.





Try as I might, I can't get him off my mind. Somehow he's always being pushed back in. I've tried everything; making new friends, "flirting" with other guys (not THAT kind of flirting; my cousin says that I'm already flirting with them and I don't even know it!), even eyeing guys from a distance. But none of them work. At the back of my mind it's always, "But he doesn't have eyes just like him.." or "He's not as tall as him.." or "He's not as skinny as him..". I want that voice to just SHUT UP and leave me be.





I'm being incredibly stupid just by saying that I still love him, even though deep down, we'll never get back together again. There's something about him that makes it extremely difficult for me to move on. Maybe it was the time we spent together? Or all the fights, laughter and tears that we shared? Two years is a pretty long time too, you know..





I never thought that I'd reach a point in my life where I would feel this way; I'm so torn and utterly confused. I wish that this would never happen again.





I wish that the pain will go away, and never come back. This one heartbreak is enough to last me a lifetime, thank you very much.






"He doesn't love me..he doesn't love me.." Yeah, I should keep telling myself that.





I apologize for this post. I seriously need to get my life back in order before I kill myself. I'm serious. I'm depressed enough as it is..

Labels: depression and tears, growing pains, heartbreak, love thing, past love and new hate, RENT, shitty

Your eyes
As we said our goodbyes
Can't get them out of my mind
And I find I can't hide from
Your eyes
The ones that took me by surprise
The night you came into my life
Where there's moonlight
I see your eyes

How'd I let you slip away
When I'm longing so to hold you
Now I'd die for one more day
'Cause there's something I should
Have told you
Yes there's something I should have
Told you

When I looked into your eyes
Why does distance make us wise?
You were the song all along
And before the song dies

I should tell you, I should tell you
I have always loved you
You can see it in my eyes

-Adam Pascal, "Your Eyes", RENT

I saw him this afternoon; I felt my knees got weak and I felt slightly light-headed. I shouldn't even be feeling that way; I hate it when he still has the power to make me feel weak. We actually had a short chat and I noticed that he looked at me in a funny way; it took me awhile to realize that he was looking at me the same way he did when he was on the verge of saying that he..well, loved me. Or if he didn't want to say it verbally, he always gave me that look that was enough to make me understand what it was he wanted to say. At first I thought that I was just imagining it, but that wasn't the case. I knew that he knew that he was looking at me that way, and he wasn't stopping himself. But, why didn't he, though?





I have some serious issues to sort out. Here we go again..





Going to Baguio tomorrow with Tito Adel, Nina, Andrea, Pats and Mon. Dad couldn't make it 'coz he's got work. Oh well.





Watch this video! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Fe11OlMiz8





Bye for now, love!

Labels: ADAM LOVE, family, love thing, RENT, videos

LSS OF THE DAY: "I'LL COVER YOU"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

The year's almost over; and to think that I should be over this by now, right? WRONG





Before I start to break down and bawl my eyes out, let me tell you guys about our Paskuhan since I didn't say anything about it. On that morning, December 19, upon waking up, the first thing that I said was, "OUCH"; why? Well, it was my first day of "that girl thing" and it hurt like hell! I couldn't move for the next thirty minutes or so, I just laid there on the top-bunk of our double-decker bed and fought the urge to scream my ass off. When I finally got down, I took a long bath and left to withdraw money from the bank before meeting up with my friends.





I got some bad news: Grizzly Bear couldn't make it. Oh well.





Once we were all there, we exchanged gifts and took pictures; as night fell, we watched the fireworks, grabbed some stuff to eat, sat on the grass in the field, watched Parokya Ni Edgar as they played; stuff like that.





There are a few things that I learned that night:

• When two of your friends are drunk, keep your distance or they'll breathe you to death;
  
• Never leave anyone out, even if they're busy doing something else; always ask if they could come;
  
• Don't wear too low-cut shirts;
  
• Don't wear bright-colored shirts if you know that your gonna sweat a lot;
  
• Bring a trashbag;
  
• Bring lots of extra cash;
  
• SLEEP AS MUCH AS YOU CAN THE DAY BEFORE SAID EVENT.
  

Yeah, two of my friends had I-S-S-U-E-S that day and they seriously need to sort them out by next year. They reeked of alcohol when they met up with us and it was disgusting.





And yes, we used trash bags to lie down on the grass since it was so...soily? Wait, is that even a word? Anyway, we sat there, as Parokya Ni Edgar played. It was almost midnight when we went home.





I went to Dagupan the next day.





I finally have the sheet music of "RENT" and "WICKED"; thanks Tita Beth!. Now all I need is a piano..





I got a henna tattoo! Just check it out on my Multiply.





On the 22nd, me and my family went to Manila to spend Christmas with our relatives in Fairview. Our relatives from Davao got there before us and there was a lot of greetings flying back and forth. That night, we watched this show called "The Wanders" in PAGCOR; it was amazing! All the stunts, the cute Chinese guys, the costumes, the cute Chinese guys, the songs, the cute Chinese guys and, oh yeah, the cute Chinese guys. I swear, my mouth was open through the entire show.





The next day, after hearing Mass, we played a game called "Cranium" which is sort of like a mixture of charades, trivia, drawing, clay-molding and a lot more stuff and it was really fun. Then at night we went to Trinoma, where we splurged on books, ate at Conggo Grille, and splurged again on TimeZone.





On Christmas Eve, our cousins from Antipolo came over for lunch and we had a game of Cranium, again. Had lots of fun, as always. We had a great dinner that night, then we opened our gifts and played games before hearing Mass. When we got back, we did a little bit of "witchcraft": runes, tarot cards; and as strange as it may sound, the runes and tarot cards that I got were--well--accurate to what I was feeling at the time. I won't say what they read, but let me just say that I was a bit freaked out.





And this morning, my family and the people from Davao went back to Dagupan..and here we are!





I had a great Christmas; I can't wait for next year





But sadly, my happiness isn't meant to last for long...





I know I shouldn't care. I know I should be getting over him; but no matter how hard I try, I just can't. It's like he's got this really firm grip on me that makes it hard for me to breathe. I was talking to him the other day and I asked him, just in passing, if he liked someone else; when he said that he might be starting to like someone else, I think my heart shirveled and burnt itself. I fought back the tears that threatened to fall even if I wanted to let it out so badly. I kept on thinking to myself, "You shouldn't care..you shouldn't care..". I wish I could say that it helped, but I would be lying to myself if I did.






After all this time, when I thought that I have started to move on, I crash back to where I started. I want to get over him so badly; I want this pain to end. This is so infuriating.






She's right; I'm trash. I don't deserve to be happy. Thank you for pointing that out; I needed a reality check.

With you my heart will always stay. With you my thoughts will be every day. You remain to be the one that I regret letting get away. Why didn't I say what I needed to say? You are the one I will always use my wishes on. You are the one I will always wish was never gone. I'll constantly wonder what went wrong. I'll forever think of what I could've did that was never done.

I wish I had the guts to walk away and forget about what we had. But, I can’t because I know you won't come after me, and I guess that's what hurts the most.

I hate you...and then I love you...it's like I want to throw you off a cliff....then rush to the bottom to catch you



Even if my heart should call out your name in the rain. Even if these arms should want to embrace you again. And even if I’m all cried out and no longer in pain... I’ll never fall in love that way again.

You said you couldnt stand to see my heart broken
... so when you broke it, did you close your eyes?

Try not to wonder about what might have been, ‘cause that was then and we have taken different roads. We can’t go back again, there’s no use giving in. And there’s no way to know, what might have been.

Loving is so short and forgetting so long.

Pleasure of love lasts but a moment, Pain of love lasts a lifetime

I wish I never said good bye... I wish I never let it die... but I did, and now all I want to do is cry

Things just keep getting better and better, eh?





Well, now it's time for me to lock myself up in my room, and cry my eyes out.





But before I leave:

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Alright, now that that's over with..





See you later, love.

Labels: crap, depression and tears, family, friends, friends and laughter, love thing, relapse, RENT, school

LSS OF THE DAY: "NOT ME"

From: AIDA [Musical]

It's either that or "RENT"; take your pick



*sigh* I'm so exhausted; physically and emotionally (Wow, I just repeated the same thing from one of my old posts). Physically because I haven't been sleeping very well, which is entirely my fault since I've been sleeping early in the morning and waking up in the afternoon. Emotionally, well, I bet you guys know that already.



Remember what I said before, about me and Romeo not talking? Well, the other day he sent a group message (GM) and I was so pissed; let's just say that I wasn't supposed to read a part of it. If only he sent it to the people with whom he was texting with that night and I WASN'T ONE OF THEM. So why on earth did he bother to send it to me when I wasn't even speaking to him? UGH! He can be so infuriating!



I even saw him in the cemetery while me and my brother walked around to find something to drink; one of his friends called me and when I turned, I smiled at all of them but not HIM. Too bad.



And then last night, he sent me quote, which melted my heart a little bit but then it was gone as quickly as it came. I was bit touched by it, but..I dunno.



Someone sent me this on Friendster:

Boy and girl
talking.. On the
phone


-Girl
I love you.


- Boy:
Yeah I know everyone does!


-Girl:
Really?

- Boy:
Yeah...every one of my friends that are
girls tell me that everyday.


- Girl:
Oh...but am I only your friend?


- Boy:
No...You’re my girlfriend...why?


- Girl:
So when I say I love you I really do
mean it.


- Boy:
Yeah I know you do mean it...its just
that you dont need to tell me that you
love me anymore cuz I know you love me
since the day we been together and i
love you more each and everyday.


- Girl:
......


- Boy:
So wanna go somewhere tonight for our
7th anniversary?


- Girl:
Yeah...wher e?


- Boy:
I dont know...maybe movie then dinner?


- Girl:
Ok.


- Boy:
Ill pick you up after I get off and get
ready ok?


- Girl:
Ok. What time do you get off?


- Boy:
In 2 hours and then I gotta go home and
yeah get ready which takes about 15-20
mintues...


-Girl:
hey...I thought you didnt have work
today...


- Boy:
One of my co-workers called in sick.


- Girl:
Oh okay! So ill see you around 7:30
then?


- Boy:
Yeah! and babe?


- Girl:
Yeah?

- Boy:
I love you.


- Girl:
I love you too!


- Boy:
Ok my manager is like looking at me so
yeah.... i gotta go.


- Girl:
Ok bye.


- Boy:
Bye.


**************** ************


2 hours later...


The guy drives to his girlfriends house
and walks up to the door and rings
bell.

- Girl:
Hey! (gives a kiss to her boyfriend)

- Boy:
Wassup...you ready?


- Girl:
Um...wait.. .let me get my bag and we
can
go ok?


- Boy:
Ok.


They both watched a movie and ate
dinner...once they were done eating
they
he ad back to the car but before she got
into the car...


- Boy:
Wait! Can I blind fold you?


- Girl:
Why??!


- Boy:
Its a suprise.


- Girl:
What kind of suprise?


- Boy:
A big one.


- Girl:
Okay but only if you promise me that
you
will hold my hand while we're driving.


- Boy:
I promise.


- Girl:
Ok blind fold me...


So they drove off...........and then
they stoped.


- Boy:
Ok we're here!


-Girl:
Where?


- Boy:
Wait let me walk you to the place!


- Girl:
What place?


- Boy:
Somewhere! (and gives a kiss to her on
the lips)


- Girl:
Baby!...


The boy walks her to the place.


- Boy:
Ok...let me take the blind fold off.


- Girl:
Where are we?


He takes it off her and she opens her
eyes and sees the view of the city and
at that same spot...that's where he
first asked her to be his
girlfriend... .


- Girl:
Omg...(tear s come down)


- Boy:
Why are you crying?


- Girl:
This is where you first asked me out...


- Boy:
What are you doing the rest of your
life? (he asked on his knees and after
he says that...behind him...in the air
it says "Will you marry me?" in
fireworks)


- Girl:
(tears come down faster)


- Boy:
I wasnt at work when you called me...I
was planning this whole thing!


- Girl:
Get up!


- Boy:
Yeah?


- Girl:
(kisses him)


- Boy:
Is that a yes or a no?


- Girl:
Yes.

Well, you don't get guys like THAT anymore.



Thank you to the people who have talked some sense into me; I was being a little rash but hey, I'm only human. I'm looking forward to the day when I can look back on all of this and laugh my heart out.



But for today, let me say:

ROMEO AND LUISA

ROMZ AND LUI

AZRIAN AND EURICE

LOMEO AND RUISA


20 and 12

are


going strongCOMPLETELY OVER

There, I said it. Now all I have to do is try to convince the people who liked us so much that they shouldn't keep their hopes up of us getting back together. I wouldn't want them to believe that everything is alright between us, when it really isn't.



Thank goodness Adam Pascal lives; his songs are making me very happy



Going back to Manila on Tuesday, school on Wednesday. Great.



Can anybody suggest songs that I could download? Tony is in serious need of new songs

Labels: ADAM LOVE, AIDA, heartbreak, love thing, past love and new hate, TONY LOVE

LSS OF THE DAY: "WRITTEN IN THE STARS"

From: AIDA [Musical]

First "RENT", now "AIDA"; you guys better pray that this doesn't go on for long



*sigh* It's really over; it's been three weeks since we broke up but it feels like we just ended it today. Romeo and I had a long talk just awhile ago; lots of exclamaition points and question marks included so I was kinda imagining that we were screaming at each other. I don't know why, but we're having a bit of difficulty in "moving on" and I think that we finally got on each other's nerves. We agreed that we wouldn't talk for awhile; no seeing each other, no contact whatsoever. Needless to say, we parted on a sour note; partly my fault but I don't give a damn anymore.



I'm being stupid. He's a guy for crying out loud! MY WORLD ISN'T SUPPOSED TO REVOLVE AROUND HIM.



But why is it so hard to forget about him? Is it because I defended him from my parents? Is it because we were together for two years (minus the six or seven break-ups during that time; we broke up for a lot of reasons but I'd rather not discuss them here)? Is it because of everything that we've been through together? Is it because he was the guy with whom I had the longest relationship with? If those aren't the reasons, then why? Why, why, why?!



I want to forget about him. I want to see him without wishing that he was mine again. I want to smile when I hear that he has a new girlfriend instead of seething with jealousy. I want to see him without going weak in the knees. I want to think of him without crying my eyes out. I want to laugh at our memories together instead of longing to revive them once again. I want to be able to look him in the eye and tell him how happy I am for him instead of avoiding him everytimne we happen to meet by chance. I want to talk to him and hang out with him as we used to do when we were still friends. But, for some reason, I don't think that we will ever be friends again. We've been through so much and its pointless to end by just being friends.




If I agreed that we'll be friends, then to him its like I said, "I'm still going to wait for you"; when I turned him down on his "friend" offer, its like I said, "I've had enough. You've hurt me more times than you can ever imagine".



The thing that I don't like about myself is that when I do fall in love, I REALLY FALL IN LOVE. It took me a year to get over my first boyfriend even though we only lasted a week! And we lasted for two years; how long will it take for me to get over him?




I need your opinion. Do you think I did the right thing in telling him that we will never be friends? Or do you think I should have told him that I'm not ready for it yet? Did I do the right thing? Did HE do the right thing? Please tell me what you think. Don't flood my tagboard; use the "Comments" thingy below this post. Any feedback would be very much appreciated. If your gonna give me lecture or something, my e-mail address is on the right side of this page. Be sure to make your subject related to this or else I'll delete it right away.




And coincidentally, my LSS today matches my mood.

I'm here to tell you we can never meet again
Simple really, isn't it, a word or two and then
A lifetime of not knowing where or how or why or when
You think of me or speak of me and wonder what befell
The someone you once loved so long ago so well

Never wonder what I'll feel as living shuffles by
You don't have to ask me and I need not reply
Every moment of my life from now until I die
I will think or dream of you and fail to understand
How a perfect love can be confounded out of hand

Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime
Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time
For some God's experiment
In which we have no say
In which we're given paradise
But only for a day

Nothing can be altered, there is nothing to decide
No escape, no change of heart, no anyplace to hide

You are all I'll ever want, but this I am denied
Sometimes in my darkest thoughts, I wish I'd never learned
What it is to be in love and have that love returned

Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime
Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time

For some God's experiment
In which we have no say
In which we're given paradise
But only for a day

Damn. I feel like crying again. As if I haven't cried enough when we were talking.

"Love is like a narcotic. At first it brings the euphoria of complete surrender. The next day, you want more. You're not addicted yet, but you like the sensation, and you like you can still control things. You think about that person you love for two minutes, then forget them for three hours.
But then you gte used to that person, and you begin to be completely dependent on them. Now you think about him for three hours and forget him for two minutes. If he's not there, you feel like an addict who can't get a fix. And just as addicts steal and humiliate themselves to get what they need, you're willing to do anything for love".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then I will either wait for him or forget him.
Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering."


- Paulo Coelho, "By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept".

Help

Labels: AIDA, love thing

LSS OF THE DAY: "SEASONS OF LOVE" FROM "RENT"

"Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes.."



Went to Domincan again; watched the game between the DS Alumni and the parents. And we won!; I was their main cheerleader

CONGRATS TO THE DOMINICAN PARTICIPANTS OF UP SUBOL! WE ARE ALL SO VERY PROUD OF YOU!

The color of the day was black; almost everyone was wearing black. Well, almost all of the outsiders were wearing it; me being one of them of course. And somehow, I felt younger today coz I was hanging out with the batch of students that were a year younger than me. So fun!



Something's been bothering me since I went to DS on Wednesday; I'm starting to suspect that "someone" is starting to like me. I've been observing him for awhile but I'm not going to make any conclusions just yet. But the mere thought of it scares the hell out of me



Mom bought me three books; "The Guardian" by Nicholas Sparks, "By The River Piedra I Sat Down And Wept" by Paulo Coelho and "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne. I've already started with "The Guardian".



I fell asleep with a smile on my lips last night; but I was haunted by a nightmare in my dreams.



Why is moving on so hard to do?. He's all I think about. I really hope I could get over him soon.

Labels: black, books, friends, love thing, RENT

LSS OF THE DAY: "WILL I?" FROM THE MOVIE, "RENT"

TODAY IS ADAM PASCAL'S BIRTHDAY!



I had a great time while watching the Intrams in Domincan this afternoon; I had fun cheering for the teachers and parents. Poor Ma'am Valle. Hahahaha!



Some of my classmates from high school were there too; I wasn't able to see some of them yesterday so a lot of hugs and kisses went around. Its always great to see the again; nothing beats the years we spent together.



And of course, the college freshmen were there; I'm pretty close to their batch. As I leaned back and listened to their stories about how they were coping with college life so far, I couldn't help but smile and think back to the times when I was just like them nearly a year ago. I'm very proud of them and I can't wait to hear what they have to say next year. Now a lot of the seniors were asking me how I'm taking it; I smiled and told them that everything's okay once you get past the first school year.



I took pictures of Sister Althea!

How cute is she?

Ronn said "hi" to me as I was passing by on my way to the canteen with Louise; we just ate some really burnt peanuts so we had to get something to get rid of the nasty after-taste. When I said "hi" back, I knew that Romeo's eyes were watching me; I felt it. I guess he was hoping that I would look at him and say "hi" to him, too. But unfortunately for him, that didn't happen



When he did say "hi" to me, I just nodded my head and avoided his gaze. I'm not ready to face him just yet.



I just remembered a song that my sister let me hear some time ago; by Carrie Underwood. The chorus really hit me.

Oh, I know I could say we're through
And tell myself I'm over you
But even if I made a vow
I promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie

Damn. I could hear and feel my heart breaking again

Labels: ADAM LOVE, country love, emotions, friends and laughter, love thing, pictures, RENT

LSS OF THE DAY: "I'LL COVER YOU (REPRISE), FROM THE MOVIE, "RENT"

I was listening to it over and over and over again last night; I couldn't get enough of Jesse L. Martin's voice



First, I was totally crushing on Adam Pascal (well, until now), now Jesse L. Martin? Who's next? Wilson Jermaine Heredia? Uhh..on second thought, scratch that 'coz he's already my crush



I've been reading FanFiction every night and I've been downloading random songs from LimeWire. It's kinda fun, actually. And would you believe that I actually found songs that were sung by ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS; they were my absolute favorite when I was a kid! Their voices are so cute! Call me childish, but at least I'm not afraid to admit it. They did versions of "Eye of the Tiger", "Play that Funky Music", "Beat It", even "Achey Brakey Heart" (complete with side comments by Billy Ray Cyrus himself); Dad got a real laught out of it when I let him hear them. I even downloaded some of Mozart's pieces and a few piano, guitar and violin instrumentals; I have a really soft spot for the classics and I couldn't miss out on an opportunity to download them now that I have absolutely nothing to do at home. By the time second semester comes around, I'll probably have all the de-stress songs out there



I don't approve of the Ron-Hermione pairing that J.K. Rowling did; so I'm reading stories about Draco-Hermione pairings; good girl with bad boy, what else could be more perfect?



A lot of people have been asking me what are my favorite lyrics or lyric-lines from RENT; here they are

*Seasons Of Love
(the very first song in the play)

COMPANY
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure - measure a year?

In daylights - In sunsets
In midnights - In cups of coffee
In inches - In miles
In laughter - In strife

In Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?

How about love?
How about love?
How about love?
Measure in love

Seasons of love
Seasons of love

SOLOIST #1
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man?

SOLOIST #2
In truths that she learned
Or in times that he cried
In bridges he burned
Or the way that she died

ALL
It's time now - to sing out
Tho' the story never ends
Let's celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends

Remember the love
Remember the love
Remember the love
Measure in love

SOLOIST #1
Measure, measure your life in love

Seasons of love
Seasons of love



*One Song Glory
(very emotional song; Roger's a rocker who left behind everything because his girlfriend committed suicide after finding out that they both have AIDS; now he wants to write one song before he dies)

ROGER
One song
Glory
One song
Before I go
Glory
One song to leave behind
Find one song
One last refrain
Glory
From the pretty boy front man
Who wasted opportunity
One song
He had the world at his feet
Glory
In the eyes of a young girl
A young girl
Find glory
Beyond the cheap colored lights
One song
Before the sun sets
Glory - on another empty life
Time flies - time dies
Glory - One blaze of glory
One blaze of glory - glory
Find
Glory
In a song that rings true
Truth like a blazing fire
An eternal flame
Find
One song
A song about love
Glory
From the soul of a young man
A young man
Find
The one song
Before the virus takes hold
Glory
Like a sunset
One song
To redeem this empty life
Time flies
And then - no need to endure anymore
Time dies


*Light My Candle
(very funny song; especially on Mimi's part; she's a dancer and a heroin addict who's in love with Roger but Roger is still unsure of getting into another relationship)

ROGER
What'd you forget?

(MIMI enters, holding a candle and looking for a match; her electricity is
down, too)

MIMI
Got a light?

ROGER
I know you? You're
You're shivering

MIMI
It's nothing
They turned off my heat
And I'm just a little
Weak on my feet
Would you light my candle?
What are you staring at?

ROGER
Nothing
Your hair in the moonlight
You look familiar
(He lights her candle. MIMI starts to leave, but stumbles)
Can you make it?

MIMI
Just haven't eaten much today
At least the room stopped spinning
Anyway, What?

ROGER
Nothing
Your smile reminded me of

MIMI
I always remind people of who is she?

ROGER
She died, Her name was April

(MIMI discreetly blows out the candle)

MIMI
It's out again
Sorry about your friend
Would you light my candle?

(ROGER lights the candle. They linger, awkwardly)

ROGER
Well-

MIMI
Yeah. Ow!

ROGER
Oh, the wax it's --

MIMI
Dripping! I like it -- between my --

ROGER
Fingers. I figured...
Oh, well. Goodnight
(MIMI exits. ROGER heads back toward his guitar on the table. There is
another knock, which he answers)
It blew out again?

MIMI
No - I think that I dropped my stash

ROGER
I know I've seen you out and about
When I used to go out
Your candle's out

MIMI
I'm illin'
I had it when I walked in the door
It was pure
Is it on the floor?

ROGER
The floor?

(MIMI gets down on all fours and starts searching the floor for her stash.
She lookss back at ROGER, who is staring at her again)

MIMI
They say I have the best ass below 14th street
Is it true?

ROGER
What?

MIMI
You're staring again

ROGER
Oh no
I mean you do - have a nice-
I mean , You look familiar

MIMI
Like your dead girlfriend?

ROGER
Only when you smile
But I'm sure I've seen you somewhere else

MIMI
Do you go to the Cat Scratch Club?
That's where I work - I dance - help me look

ROGER
Yes!
They used to tie you up-

MIMI
It's a living

(MIMI douses the flame again)

ROGER
I didn't recognize you
Without the handcuffs

MIMI
We could light the candle
Oh won't you light the candle?

(ROGER lights it again.)

ROGER
Why don't you forget that stuff
You look like you're sixteen

MIMI
I'm nineteen but I'm old for my age
I'm just born to be bad

ROGER
I once was born to be bad
I used to shiver like that

MIMI
I have no heat - I told you

ROGER
I used to sweat

MIMI
I got a cold

ROGER
Uh huh
I used to be a junkie

MIMI
But now and then I like to

ROGER
Uh huh

MIMI
Feel good

ROGER
Here it - um

(ROGER stoops and picks up a small object: MIMI's stash)

MIMI
What's that?

ROGER
It's a candy bar wrapper

(ROGER puts it behind his back and into his pocket)

MIMI
We could light the candle

(ROGER discreetly blows out the candle)

MIMI
What'd you do with my candle?

ROGER
That was my last match

MIMI
Our eyes'll adjust, thank God for the moon

ROGER
Maybe it's not the moon at all
I hear Spike Lee's shooting down the street

MIMI
Bah humbug ... Bah humbug

(MIMI places her hand under his, pretending to do it by accident)

ROGER
Cold hands

MIMI
Yours too
Big. Like my father's
You wanna dance?

ROGER
With you?

MIMI
No -- with my father

ROGER
I'm Roger

MIMI
They call me
They call me Mimi

(They come extremely close to a kiss. MIMI reaches into his pocket, nabs
the stash, waves it in front of his face, and makes a sexy exit)



*Tango: Maureen
(very funny song! Mark, Maureen's ex-boyfriend, meets Joanne, Maureen's girlfriend [yes, lesbians; Maureen left Mark for Joanne] for the first time and they talk about Maureen)

(The lot. JOANNE is reexamining the cable connections for the
umpteenth time)

MARK
And so into the abyss...The lot. Where a small stage is partially set up

JOANNE
(playing with some wires)
"Line in"...
I went to Harvard for this?

MARK
Close on Mark's nose dive

JOANNE
"Line out"...

MARK
Will he get out of here alive...?

(JOANNE notices MARK approaching)

JOANNE
Mark?

MARK
Hi

JOANNE
I told her not to call you

MARK
That's Maureen
But can I help since I'm here

JOANNE
I hired an engineer

MARK
Great!
Well, nice to have met you

JOANNE
Wait!
She's three hours late
The samples won't delay
But the cable

MARK
There's another way
Say something - anything

JOANNE (into the mike)
Test - one, two three

MARK
Anything but that

JOANNE
This is weird

MARK
It's weird

JOANNE
Very weird

MARK
Fuckin' weird

JOANNE
I'm so mad
That I don't know what to do
Fighting with microphones
Freezing down to my bones
And to top it all off
I'm with you

MARK
Feel like going insane?
Got a fire in your brain?
And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?

JOANNE
As a matter of fact

MARK
Honey, I know this act
It's called the 'Tango Maureen'
The Tango Maureen
It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round
As she keeps you dangling

JOANNE
You're wrong

MARK
Your heart she is mangling

JOANNE
It's different with me

MARK
And you toss and you turn
'Cause her cold eyes can burn
Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound

JOANNE
I think I know what you mean

BOTH
The Tango Maureen

MARK
Has she ever pouted her lips
And called you 'Pookie'

JOANNE
Never

MARK
Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?

JOANNE
This is spooky
Did you swoon when she walked through the door?

MARK
Every time - so be cautious

JOANNE
Did she moon over other boys?

MARK
More than moon

JOANNE
I'm getting nauseous
(They begin to dance, with MARK leading)

MARK
Where'd you learn to tango?

JOANNE
With the French Ambassador's daughter in her dorm room at Miss Porter's
And you?

MARK
With Nanette Himmelfarb. The Rabbi's daughter at the Scarsdale Jewish
Community Center

(They switch, and JOANNE leads)

It's hard to do this backwards

JOANNE
You should try it in heels!
She cheated

MARK
She cheated

JOANNE
Maureen cheated

MARK
Fuckin' cheated

JOANNE
I'm defeated
I should give up right now

MARK
Gotta look on the bright side
With all of your might

JOANNE
I'd fall for her still anyhow

BOTH
When you're dancing her dance
You don't stand a chance
Her grip of romance
Make you fall

MARK
So you think, 'Might as well'

JOANNE
"Dance a tango to hell"

BOTH
At least I'll have tangoed at all
The Tango Maureen
Gotta dance till your diva is through
You pretend to believe her
Cause in the end you can't leave her
But the end it will come
Still you have to play dumb
Till you're glum and you bum
And turn blue

MARK
Why do we love when she's mean?

JOANNE
And she can be so obscene

MARK
Try the mike

JOANNE
My Maureen (reverb: een, een, een...)

MARK
Patched

JOANNE
Thanks

MARK
You know I feel great now!

JOANNE
I feel lousy
(The pay phone rings. MARK hands it to JOANNE)
Honey, we're... (pause) Pookie?!
You never call me Pookie...
Forget it, we're patched
(She hangs up, looks at MARK)

BOTH
The Tango Maureen



*From: Will I
(Life Support; a bunch of people who have AIDS; some of the major characters are in this group)

Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?



*La Vie Boheme B
(this is the longest song in the whole play; there's a first part to this but I decided to put this instead since it has all my favorite lines)

(ROGER and MIMI exit. JOANNE reenters, obviously steamed)

MAUREEN
Are we packed?

JOANNE
Yes and by next week
I want you to be

MAUREEN
Pookie?

JOANNE
And you should see
They've padlocked your building
And they're rioting on Avenue B
Benny called the cops

MAUREEN
That fuck

JOANNE
They don't know what they're doing
The cops are sweeping the lot
But no one's leaving
They're just sitting there, mooing!

ALL
Yeah!!!
(Pandemonium erupts in the restaurant)
To dance

A GIRL
No way to make a living, masochism, pain, perfection
Muscle spasms, chiropractors, short careers, eating disorders

ALL
Film

MARK
Adventure, tedium, no family, boring locations,
Dark rooms, perfect faces, egos, money, Hollywood and sleaze

ALL
Music

ANGEL
Food of love, emotion, mathematics, isolation,
Rhythm, feeling, power, harmony, and heavy competition

ALL
Anarchy

COLLINS & MAUREEN
Revolution, justice, screaming for solutions,
Forcing changes, risk, and danger
Making noise and making pleas

ALL
To faggots, lezzies, dykes, cross dressers too

MAUREEN
To me

MARK
To me

COLLINS & ANGEL
To me

ALL
To you, and you and you, you and you
To people living with, living with, living with
Not dying from disease
Let he among us without sin
Be the first to condemn
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme

MARK
Anyone out of the mainstream
Is anyone in the mainstream?
Anyone alivewith a sex drive

OTHERS
La vie boheme
La vie boheme
La vie boheme

MARK
Tear down the wall
Aren't we all?
The opposite of war isn't peace
It's creation

ALL
La vie Boheme

MARK
The riot continues. The Christmas tree goes up in flames. The snow dances.
Oblivious, Mimi and Roger share a small, lovely kiss

ALL
Viva la vie Boheme!



*Take Me Or Leave Me
(break-up song between Maureen and Joanne; very amusing)

JOANNE
You were flirting with the woman in rubber

MAUREEN
That's what this is about!? There will always be women in rubber, flirting with
me... Gimme a break

Every single day
I walk down the street
I hear people say,
"Baby's so sweet"
Ever since puberty
Everybody stares at me
Boys - girls
I can't can't help it baby
So be kind
Don't lose your mind
Just remember that I'm your baby

Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me
Take me baby or leave me

A tiger in a cage
Can never see the sun
This diva needs her stage
Baby - let's have fun!
You are the one I choose
Folks'd kill to fill your shoes
You love the limelight too, baby
So be mine
Or don't waste my time
Cryin' -- "Honeybear -- are you still my baby?"

Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me

No way can I be what I'm not
But hey don't you want your girl hot!
Don't fight don't lose your head
Cause every night who's in your bed?
Who's in your bed, baby?
(Pouts in JOANNE's direction)
Kiss, Pookie

JOANNE
It won't work
I look before I leap
I love margins and discipline
I make lists in my sleep
Baby what's my sin?
Never quit I follow through
I hate mess but I love you
What to do
With my impromptu baby?
So be wise
This girl satisfies
You've got a prize
But don't compromise
You're one lucky baby
Take me for what I am

MAUREEN
A control freak

JOANNE
Who I was meant to be

MAUREEN
A snob yet over-attentive

JOANNE
And if you give a damn

MAUREEN
A lovable, droll geek

JOANNE
Take me baby or leave me

MAUREEN
And anal retentive

BOTH
That's it!

JOANNE
The straw that breaks my back

BOTH
I quit

JOANNE
Unless you take it back

BOTH
Women

MAUREEN
What is it about them?

BOTH
Can't live
With them
Or without them!
Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me
Take me baby
Or leave me
Guess I'm leavin'
I'm gone



*Halloween
(Mark's solo; he's wondering why everything is happening around him while he just sits there and watch)

MARK
How did we get here?
How the hell
Pan left - close on the steeple of the church
How did I get here?
How the hell...
Christmas
Christmas Eve last year
How could a night so frozen be so scalding hot?
How can a morning this mild be so raw?
Why are entire years strewn
On the cutting room floor of memory
When single frames from one magic night
Forever flicker in close-up
On the 3D Imax of my mind
That's poetic
That's pathetic
Why did Mimi knock on Roger's door
And Collins choose that phone booth
Back where Angel set up his drums
Why did Maureen's equipment break down
Why am I the witness
And when I capture it on film
Will it mean that it's the end
And I'm alone


*Goodbye Love
(the major characters sing this after one of them dies; very sad song; best friends fighting, one of them leaving, hearts get broken)

MIMI (to ROGER)
It's true you sold your guitar and bought a car?

ROGER
It's true- I'm leaving now for Santa Fe
It's true you're with this yuppie scum?

BENNY
You said you'd never speak to him again

MIMI
Not now

MAUREEN
Who said that you have any say
In who she says things to at all?

ROGER
Yeah

JOANNE
Who said that you should
Stick your nose in other people's

MAUREEN
Who said I was talking to you?

JOANNE
We used to have this fight each night

MARK
Calm down

JOANNE
She'd never admit I existed

MARK
Everyone please!

MIMI
He was the same way he was always
"Run away hit the road
Don't commit" you're full of shit

JOANNE
She's in denial

MIMI
He's in denial

JOANNE
Didn't give an inch
When I gave a mile

MARK
Come on

MIMI
I gave a mile

ROGER
Gave a mile to who?

MARK & BENNY
Come on guys chill

MIMI & JOANNE
I'd be happy to die for a taste of what Angel had
Someone to live for unafraid to say I love you

ROGER
All your words are nice Mimi
But love's not a three way street
You'll never share real love
Until you love yourself I should know

COLLINS
You all said you'd be cool today
So please for my sake
I can't believe he's gone
(to ROGER) I can't believe you're going
I can't believe this family must die
Angel helped us believe in love
I can't believe you disagree

ALL
I can't believe this is goodbye

(MAUREEN and JOANNE look at each other)

MAUREEN
Pookie

JOANNE
Honeybear

(They embrace)

JOANNE
I missed you
MAUREEN
I missed your smell

JOANNE
I missed your mouth...Your

(They kiss, but MAUREEN pulls away)

MAUREEN
Ow

JOANNE
What?

MAUREEN
Nothing, Pookie

JOANNE
No, baby, you said ow...What?

MAUREEN
Well, you bit my tongue

JOANNE
No, I didn't

MAUREEN
You did I'm bleeding

JOANNE
No, it isn't

MAUREEN
I think I should know

JOANNE
Let me see

MAUREEN
She doesn't believe me!

JOANNE
I was only trying to

(They laugh, hug, and wave goodbye, exiting stage right.)

BENNY
stands off to the side as MIMI approaches ROGER, who turns away. She
hesitates before leaving with BENNY. ROGER and MARK are left alone)

MARK
I hear there are great restaurants out west

ROGER
Some of the best. How could she?

MARK
How could you let her go?

ROGER
You just don't know How could we lose Angel?

MARK
Maybe you'll see why when you stop escaping your pain
At least now if you try- Angel's death won't be in vain

ROGER
His death is in vain

(MIMI reappears up left, in the shadows. She overhears ROGER and
MARK's conversation)

MARK
Are you insane?
There so much to care about
There's me- there's Mimi

ROGER
Mimi's got her baggage, too

MARK
So do you

ROGER
Who are you to tell me what I know, what to do

MARK
A friend

ROGER
But who, Mark, are you?
"Mark has got his work"
They say "Mark lives for his work"
And "Mark's in love with his work"
Mark hides in his work

MARK
But from what?

ROGER
From facing your failure, facing your loneliness
Facing the fact you live a lie
Yes, you live a lie tell you why
You're always preaching not to be numb
When that's how you thrive
You pretend to create and observe
When you really detach from feeling alive

MARK
Perhaps it's because I'm the one of us to survive

ROGER
Poor baby

MARK
Mimi still loves Roger
Is Roger really jealous
Or afraid that Mimi's weak

ROGER
Mimi did look pale

MARK
Mimi's gotten thin
Mimi's running out of time
Roger's running out the door

ROGER
No more! Oh no
I've gotta go

MARK
Hey, for somebody who's always been let down
Who's heading out of town?

ROGER
For someone who longs for a community of his own,
Who's with his camera, alone?
(ROGER takes a step to go, then stops, turns)
I'll call
I hate the fall
(ROGER turns to go and sees MIMI)
You heard?

MIMI
Every word
You don't want baggage without lifetime guarantees
You don't want to watch me die
I just came to say
Goodbye, love
Goodbye, love
Came to say goodbye, love, goodbye

MIMI
Just came to say
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Goodbye

ROGER
Glory
One blaze of
Glory
Have to find

(ROGER exits. BENNY returns. MIMI steps away)

MIMI
Please don't touch me
Understand
I'm scared
I need to go away

MARK
I know a place a clinic

BENNY
A rehab?

MIMI
Maybe could you?

BENNY
I'll pay

MIMI
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Came to say goodbye, love, goodbye
Just came to say
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Hello disease



*Your Eyes
(very emotional song; even Adam Pascal said that this was the most heart-breaking song he's ever sung; Roger sings this while Mimi lies dying)

ROGER
Your eyes
As we said our goodbyes
Can't get them out of my mind
And I find I can't hide
From your eyes
The ones that took me by surprise
The night you came into my life
Where there's moonlight I see your eyes
(Band takes over)
How'd I let you slip away
When I'm longing so to hold you
Now I'd die for one more day
'Cause there's something I should have told you
Yes there's something I should have told you
When I looked into your eyes
Why does distance make us wise?
You were the song all along
And before this song dies
I should tell you I should tell you
I have always loved you
You can see it in my eyes
(We hear Musetta's Theme, played correctly and passionately. MIMI's
head falls to the side and her arm drops limply off the edge of the table)
Mimi!

*Finale B
(Mimi dies at the end of his song; but she comes alive here; the last song; one of my absolute favorites)

(Suddenly, MIMI's hand twitches. Incredibly, she is still alive)

MIMI
I jumped over the moon

ROGER
What?

MIMI
A leap of moooooooooooo

JOANNE
She's back

MIMI
I was in a tunnel. Heading for this warm, white light

MAUREEN
Oh my god

MIMI
And I swear Angel was there and she looked GOOD! And she said, "Turn
around, girlfriend, and listen to that boy's song"

COLLINS
She's drenched

MAUREEN
Her fever's breaking

MARK
There is no future there is no past

ROGER
Thank God this moment's not the last

MIMI & ROGER
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret or life is yours to miss

ALL
No other road no other way
No day but today

(As the finale grows, the entire COMPANY makes its way on stage)

WOMEN
I can't control
My destiny
I trust my soul
My only goal is just to be

MEN
Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?

(MARK's film resumes, along with two more films projecting on the back
wall, "Scenes from RENT...")

WOMEN
Without you
The hand gropes
The ear hears
The pulse beats
Life goes on
But I'm gone
'Cause I die
Without you
I die without you
I die without you
I die without you

MEN
There's only now
There's only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today

ALL
No day but today

Okay, so those weren't exactly just lines; I couldn't resist. I could have put all the lyrics here but these are the ones that really had an impact on me.



But if you want to know all the lyrics, here's where I got them from: http://www.songwords.net/waiguo/soundtrack/rent/index.htm



Since Dad's stuck here with me, he takes every opportunity to bug me. He's always been like that; a bit annoying but hey, keeps me from getting bored most of the time. He still can't drive because of his stitches from the operation. He's making me read "GENGHIS KHAN" by Harold Lamb; its actually interesting. I love history so he figured that I'd like it; now I'm seeing the notoriously infamous Genghis Khan in a whole new light.



I can't believe its Thursday; its been exactly a week since I left Manila. How time flies



I've been dancing in my room like crazy; but I'm enjoying myself



I know I had a weird dream last night but I really can't remember it; I just remember waking up and asking myself, "What the hell?!" before laughing my head off.



Trent's resting in my room; thank goodness not many people are bothering to text me. Of course there were those people who constantly send me "good morning" quotes and jokes and all that; I'm surprised that they're still sending me those stuff even if I don't reply. But I'm still happy about it; at least I know that they remember me one way or another.



I still can't believe that Danzel likes me and that Meg knew all along!; I dunno why. We've only hung out once and we only pass each other aroundthe school. So why on earth does he
like me?



All for today, folks!

Labels: ADAM LOVE, Chipmunk Love, crap, FanFic, friends, love thing, RapPascal, RENT, revelations, YouTube