LSS OF THE DAY: "WITHOUT YOU"
From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

You knew it wouldn't last.






One of my cousins from the States arrived a few days ago and she visited us just to say hi. I'm glad to see her, don't get me wrong; it's just that right after that my other relatives from Manila started clamoring to have her come over and letting me tag along.






I've always had this feeling that there were two groups in the family; one group consisted of my cousins and the other, well, just me. There are times when I just feel so out of place when they talk about stuff. Sometimes I can't even relate to what their saying. Our age gaps aren't that big and yet..I dunno.





Part of me wants to go to Manila with her and hang out with our other cousins, but the other part of me doesn't want to because somehow, I know what's going to happen.






What I noticed is that when someone from another country comes to visit, they always insist on having a get-together. But once they're gone, it's back to the same old routine. We don't see them all the time, but they don't invite us over. That hurts.







I love my family. I love them to death. But..I hate it when this happens.






I made these because I got bored. I played with my pictures. And Danzel's too:

I'm experiencing a really bad case of writer's block. Dear Lord, help me..

UPDATED MY STORY!

READ AND COMMENT PLEASE.

http://howcrappycanyouget.blogspot.com

THANK YOU!

LSS OF THE DAY: "YOU MUST LOVE ME"
From: EVITA [Movie/Musical]
Performed by Brooke White on American Idol

But I'm mad at her because SHE should have gone home instead of Carly. I mean, come on! Carly did WAY better than Brooke. THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! I'm gonna be complaining about this for the next few days.







I'm talking to Danzel right now. Surprising, huh?







Ugh. I really have nothing else to say.







I'm still working on the next part of my story.

LSS OF THE DAY: "THE MUSIC OF THE NIGHT"
From: The Phantom of the Opera [Movie/Musical]
Performed by David Cook on American Idol

The show just ended a while ago. Holy crap, I literally melted in my seat when David Cook sang "The Music of the Night". Now I love him even more!






Syesha Mercado, okay, she was good.







David Archuleta surprised me with "Think of Me"; just like what Andrew Lloyd Webber said, it was supposed to be sung by a diva and never did he imagine that a guy would sing it. He changed the arrangement a little bit and I really liked it.







Carly Smithson did a pretty good job. Although I would have liked to hear her sing "All I Ask of You", still I thought it was a good thing that ALW changed it for her. She rocked the stage!







Brooke White, well, she was okay. Great song choice, I have to admit, but she did seem a little tense after she messed up at the beginning. She did sing the song with emotion, but I don't think her voice held up for her.







Jason Castro did well, although that was the last song I ever expected him to sing.

Syesha, Jason, Brooke, David C., Carly, David A.

My bottom three are: Brooke, Jason, and it's a tie between Syesha and--I hate myself for saying this--Carly. After what happened to Michael Johns, I learned to expect the unexpected; but I really hope I'm wrong.





I already have three posts on my STORY BLOG! Yay for me! Read and comment please: http://howcrappycanyouget.blogspot.com

Labels: American Idol

NO LSS

Okay, something is definitely wrong.






Watched "The Forbidden Kingdom" with Melanie this afternoon. And I got two henna tattoos:

MY LEFT HAND




MY RIGHT ARM; SAYS "ZENUI". WHY? FIGURE IT OUT ;)




BOTH TATTOOS




OH YEAH

I have a story blog! Read and comment please. The Introduction's up. http://howcrappycanyouget.blogspot.com







That is all for today.

Labels: friends, henna, movies

LSS OF THE DAY: "SEASONS OF LOVE"
From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

I honestly have nothing to say. I've been doing nothing for the past couple of days.






I'm thinking of writing a story. At least I'm doing something productive for the time being. The main character's gonna be based on me and maybe I'll throw in a few of my personal experiences and some fictional happenings. I'm still working on it though..








Dear lord, it's hot.








I hope something extraordinary happens, just to break the monotony of things..

Labels: bored, summer

LSS OF THE DAY: "ALWAYS BE BY BABY"
By: Mariah Carey
Also sung by David Cook on American Idol

I am soooooooooooooooo happy right now.








David Cook rocked the house last night. David Archuleta gave a beautiful performance. Jason Castro did surprisingly well (I could stare into his eyes forever). Carly Smithson looked and sounded great. And best of all...

KRISTY LEE COOK GOT ELIMINATED!

Yeah, that's about it.

NO LSS

No surprise there, really.





My blog got "blocked" a few days ago so I requested someone to review it for me; I don't even know how it happened in the first place. Apparently, the Blogger staff thought that my blog was a "Spam Blog" and that I couldn't post anything and stuff like that. I just checked my account now and it seems to me that everything's okay. If this post doesn't show up, that means something's still wrong.







Two days ago, I went out with one of my friends, Nico; actually, he's the younger brother of my classmate back in high school and he'll be studying in UST this coming school year. We went to the Mall, and surprise, surprise, I saw my ex-boyfriend. I don't even wanna say his name here. My heart dropped to the pit f my stomach when I caught just a glimpse of him. I knew he saw me, but I totally ignored him. Nico was the one who talked to him for awhile but I didn't say anything. I swear, I wanted to evaporate, and cry, on the spot. After months of not seeing or talking to him, then he suddenly shows up? I know that neither of us were expecting to see each other, but still! God could have picked a better time! Like, maybe, NEVER? After that, I knew that I wasn't completely over him yet. Great. Another problem.







So anyway, after that, me and Nico watched "Meet The Spartans"; it is a complete rip-off of "300" but it was still enjoyable. I laughed through almost the whole movie. My favorite lines:



Xerxes: "I will make sure that you are erased from the history books".
Leonidas: "That's fine with me, Xerxes; because I can't read".

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Leonidas: "That is how the men of Sparta greet each other. It's high-fives for the women, and open-tongued kisses for the men".
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Leonidas: "Remember this day, men. For this is the day we die!"
Spartans: "Yeaaa--what?"
Leonidas: "Uh..I mean, this is the day they die".
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Captain: "I see that Leonidas is molding our future king. My father used to beat me".
The Queen: "Beating is a rite of passage from father to son".
Captain: "No, my father was an alcoholic".
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, that's all I remember and I don't think those are the right words! But there were so many funny lines.







I'm bored. What's new?

Labels: friends, heartbreak, movies

I'll update as soon as I can. I don't feel like blogging today, even though so much has happened.

LSS OF THE DAY: "PLEASE DON'T STOP THE MUSIC"

By: Rihanna

*Also performed by the American Idol finalists

I woke up today and found almost a hundred messages waiting to be read. Plus some e-mails and comments on Friendster and Multiply. WOW!







My cousin sent me two messages, NINETEEN times EACH. He so loves me!







I wasn't expecting Danzel to text me, but he did. And we got to talk for almost the whole day. Needless to say, I got all giddy because of that.







But I guess the biggest surprise that I got was when my ex-boyfriend texted me. At first I thought, "Am I reading this message right? This can't be him!", then, "He remembered?", and finally, "He cares?"; right? Oh well. I replied to him anyway since I didn't want to seem rude and we talked for awhile. That's it, really.







Had a small get-together with the family for dinner. Had a great time.







Kuya Ace called me! He could have just texted me or something. But I still appreciated it. That was really sweet of him.







Now I'm tired. I woke up earlier than I should have because my phone wouldn't stop vibrating from all the incoming messages.







Oh, and one more thing before I go..

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Labels: American Idol, birthdays

LSS OF THE DAY: "WHAT YOU OWN"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

No, I will never get tired of it, so there.






I finally found the studio version of "Innocent" that David Cook sang. Yahooooooooo!







I cannot believe that Michael Johns got eliminated from American Idol. I mean, he was one of the best! Syesha should have gone home instead of him! This is so frustrating! ARGH!!!!







Okay, calm down. *inhale-exhale*







Only less than two hours before I turn nineteen! Yay!

Labels: American Idol, birthdays, crap, happy, relapse, RENT

LSS OF THE DAY: "SEASONS OF LOVE"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]
Also performed by the American Idols on Idol Gives Back

Yeah yeah yeah, I know; of all the songs to get stuck in my head from that show, it just had to be that one. Well, what can I say? RENT has become a permanent part of my life now.








One of my classmates texted me this morning to tell me that she was in Dagupan; but I was still asleep when she first texted. I replied as soon as I woke up but when she asked me to go the mall where they were, I told her that I just woke up and it might take me awhile to get ready. So, I didn't see her. Aw, too bad.








Just watched IDOL GIVES BACK, and I absolutely loved it! I was near tears when they showed the clips of the kids in Africa; I remember that I used almost the same statistics as them, about the "every thirty seconds a child dies" in my extemporaneous speech last semester. It's amazing how many people are suffering and dying as the minutes tick by. I shudder at the thought of so many innocent victims going through that pain everyday until they die. It breaks my heart to see families torn apart because of diseases and that their children are left to fend for themselves.









They featured four brothers, whose parents, grandparents and other relatives died because of AIDS, and the eldest brother's the one who supports his siblings. I admired his dignity and sense of responsibility. Can you imagine yourself in that position?








It just goes to show that we are all lucky to be privileged enough to enjoy some, if not all, the luxuries in life. Sometimes we take our lives for granted and we fail to thank the good Lord for giving us the chance to wake up to a new day.









So many memorable performances. The Top 8 even sang "Seasons of Love"! How cool is that? I suggest you go to YouTube and search all the videos. Robin Williams was so funny!









I so love the person who uploaded "Innocent" by David Cook when he sang it last Wednesday night. I wanted to download the studio version but it still wasn't available so I searched it on IMEEM. I am so loving David Cook right now. If you guys wanna hear it (he's really good here), click here --> DAVID COOK - INNOCENT









Albert replied to what I sent him through Multiply. He said that he respects my decision, but he admitted that he was hoping that I would reconsider my decision. It broke my heart to say that my decision was final and that I wouldn't change my mind for anything, because I know that he'll be depressed afterwards. He's still my friend and I don't want him to suffer because of me. But, as my friends said, "He's a man. He'll be okay".










I'm exhausted, which is surprising.

NOTE: This post has been edited.

LSS OF THE DAY: "WHAT YOU OWN"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

I knew it wasn't gonna last long. Oh well..






So, I did leave for Manila yesterday early morning, around 2:30. I got to the dorm around 8 because I still had to change into my uniform; seriously, we still needed to wear uniforms just to get our clearance? Stupid, really. But anyway, I waited for my friends, and when everyone was there, Meg held out these bags for me and Judith; turns out they were our early birthday presents (Judith's birthday is today; mine is on the 12th). And the others gave me letters; Simon drew an angel for me.






Then we went inside our building, got our clearances and went to the Health Service because Meg had to do something there. Jay followed us there and we had fun talking to Ma'am Shake.






Stayed in the school for awhile so I read the letters they gave me. I was touched by Simon's letter and I was laughing at Meg's letter but when it came to Albert's, my heart sank.





He wrote that he likes me, and that it's actually getting close to love. I was suspecting for a while that he might actually like me but I didn't think it was like that. I kept the letter and tried to act as normally as possible. I talked to Meg and apparently, everyone in the group knew about it EXCEPT me.






"I care for you very much, and like you the same. What I feel is more than friendship, close to a romantic relationship. I am not prepared to say "I love you", though as time passes and things change, I hope to whisper it sincerely and passionately and shout it triumphantly."

That was just part of what he said, but I think he summed it all up in just these sentences.







While I was reading it, I couldn't stop thinking, "This is not happening. This CAN'T be happening." I already had a hunch that he liked me but I just ignored it, praying that it would just fade. But it didn't.







I've already thought about this ever since I first suspected that he liked me, and whatever I think or say, it always comes down to one conclusion: he's like a brother to me, and just the mere thought of me and him getting together makes me cringe because it really doesn't feel right.







I just sent him a message through Multiply. I hope he takes it as a man. I know that it'll create tensions between us, but I believe that it'll pass.






While Simon accompanied me in waiting for an FX in Espanya, Danzel walked by. He looked a bit surprised to see me with Simon (I actually saw him give something close to a "death glare" as he looked at Mon), and sure enough, he thought that he was courting me. I was talking to him awhile ago when he asked if I had a "new guy"; paranoid, much?







I left Manila around 3:40 and I arrived in Dagupan by 9pm. Whew!







So anyway, I think all the contestants on American Idol are pretty stressed out. Some of them weren't as giddy as they used to be or they seemed to space out a bit. David Cook looked exhausted after he performed and he was always smiling after he sang. I guess it's because of Idol Gives Back which will air tomorrow. Jason Castro did really well; and, alright, Christy Lee Cook did well too. I'm scared for Carly. I hope Syesha gets the boot on Friday.

"So I own not a notion, I escape and gape, content. I don't own emotion, I RENT.."

Labels: American Idol, confusion, decisions, friends and laughter, love thing, Manila life, RENT, revelations, schedules, school

LSS OF THE DAY: "PROMISE OF A LIFETIME

By: Kutless

*gasp* For once, it's not RENT! *Alleluia!*







So, yeah, I finally bought a Sun sim, and it is officially working. Now I have two phones, one for Globe and another one for Sun. Just like when I was a Senior in High School; but I had three phones, not two; the last one was for Smart. I'm not gonna bother with that network since I only have a few friends who use it, and therefore it would be a complete waste of money.







I was supposed to leave for Manila today, but I overslept. Yeah, yeah, yeah; sorry! But I'm seriously leaving tomorrow at three in the morning. My clearance isn't until nine a.m. anyway so it's okay; I'm not worried, since I've already seen my grades. At least I can be sure that my knees won't give way while waiting in line to get that little piece of paper that they say was needed for enrollment, which they don't even check. And I'm coming back to Dagupan in the afternoon. Whew! It's gonna be a looooooooong day...







I just realized, or remembered, rather, that I am now an Artlet Junior; that means, no more P.E. and no more NSTP. Our enrollment's gonna be easier and faster compared to that of the Freshies and Sophies. Although, I am going to miss having P.E. classes (well, just football), and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy my NSTP-LTS experience, let's just say that I can finally have some "me" time without having to worry about lesson plans and being late for call-times.







And it's Grizzly Bear's thesis defense tomorrow, as well. I hope he's not nervous. GO GB!

The burden's lifted, somewhat. But I can still feel the pain..

Well, that's all I can say for now.








Catch yah later, love!

Labels: friends, Kutless, Manila life, school, summer

LSS OF THE DAY: "TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

"Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be. And IF YOU GIVE A DAMN, TAKE ME BABY, OR LEAVE ME."







Yeah yeah yeah, I'm still bitter.







I know I should be over this by now, but, I'm not. Gee, how vague can I get?






I bet you people are probably sick and tired of me ranting on and on and on and on about a certain tall, dark, skinny man who stole my heart and crushed it to pieces. Forgive me for being all senti and emo, but this is how I'm really feeling; and I'm SEMI-DEPRESSED too. What's new, right?







I'm feeling shitty, restless, exhausted, emotionally drained. In short, I feel like CRAP. And I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.







I love him, I really do. But I know I can't have him. Isn't that enough to make me forget that this whole thing ever happened? Apparently, NOT.







CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP!







So, anyway, Kathleen, Melanie and Armely came over yesterday so we could watch "Sweeney Todd". Funny really, I watched it last week with my friends when they came over, and now I watched it with them. I guess it's one of those movies that you just gotta have someone near you while watching it. And Armely was sweet enough to text me just to say thank you; it just goes to show that there are still good people left in this world. And needless to say, they added a bit of color to my now dull world of summer.






I was chatting with a few people last night and one of them just happened to be my cousin, Enzo. I remember how close we were when we were kids. Everytime he and his family came to visit, we'd play with each other from the moment we got out of bed in the morning to the moment our parents forced us to go to sleep at night. But then there came a time when they stopped coming for about three or four years, and the next time we saw each other, it was like during those years when we failed to meet, a wall built itself between us. We changed; we were no longer the silly kids who'd run around, chasing each other in the backyard, talking about Power Rangers and our favorite cartoons; we were grown-ups, strangers.







But last night, I felt like the wall was finally crumbling before my very eyes. He was really nice and fun to talk to; all of a sudden I saw the kid I used to play with, through the window of cyberspace. He was open to me, and I to him and we just let our conversation flow freely. I really enjoyed talking to him and I'd be even more happy if that were to happen again. We have a lot of catching up to do, after all.






One thing did make my day yesterday, aside from the girls coming over..I PASSED ALL MY SUBJECTS!






And I just remembered: my birthday's coming up soon; I'm turning the big 1-9 in seven days. The clock's ticking..







I'm bored. I can't wait to go back to Manila and see my friends.








And, although I'm hating myself for admitting it, I'd like to see HIM again..

Labels: crap, depression and tears, friends, RENT, shitty

NO LSS

Shocking, eh?

And just when I thought that things couldn't get any worse, it did. It sooooooooo did.







I guess there's a reason why I haven't been dreaming in my sleep for the past couple of weeks. Usually, I'd see dancing hippos and singing ostriches in leotards and high heels (so reminiscent of Fantasia, don't you think?); strange, yes, but I really do have dreams like that sometimes. I've been wondering why for awhile now; but after last night, I can't help but think that it's either I've gone insane or I'm just thinking plain nonsense.








My dream last night involved, well...him.







We were in a mall, a very unfamiliar one too, if I may add, and while we were walking, he held my hand. An alarm went off in my head and I remember thinking, "Wait, we're not a couple! What the heck?!"; I attempted to make him let go (yes, I really did; and it's up to you if you believe me or not) but he wouldn't. So, I just let him. And later on he was putting his arm around my shoulders, hugging me, whispering sweet stuff to me and all that lovey-dovey whatever. And that went on until I woke up.







Sure, the last thing I thought of before going to bed was "I wonder how he's doing right now.." but I didn't think that I'd dream of him that way!







And I'm not saying that I'm going to cling to that dream because let's face it, it's just a dream. JUST A DREAM.







And I'll just keep repeating that until I convince myself that it's nothing but a dream and not of the "possible" future!







..wait..CRAP! NO!







I should be convincing myself that he's a no-good-egotistical-smoking-drinking-loving-jerk and not the one-guy-who'll-sweep-me-off-my-feet-and-ride-off-into-the-sunset that he is! Wait, that didn't come out right..








UGH. I am so hopeless. Somebody PLEASE kill me now.







On a more different note, Ramiele Malubay got kicked of American Idol this week. So sad! I wanted Christy to go!

"God on high, hear my prayer. In my need, you have always been there.."

Is it too late to ask for a miracle?

Labels: American Idol, crap, depression and tears, dreams, shitty

*This post has been edited.

LSS OF THE DAY: "WITHOUT YOU"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

*sigh*





I haven't heard from him since yesterday. And he said that the message he sent me wasn't supposed to be for me. Oh, fine. Whatever.





Do you think I'm paranoid? Thinking of a guy who clearly doesn't think or give a damn about me? I hate it when I feel this way. I feel so helpless.






Maybe I really should move on. Maybe I really should forget about him. But, as I always say, "Easier said than done".






When my friends ask how "we're" doing, I don't know what to say to them. I usually shrug and try to answer as indifferently as I could; but knowing them, I could tell that they can see that it's not just that. I know they can see the hurt and confusion in my eyes, but thankfully, they don't bring it up.





I keep on asking myself, "Why do I even bother?"; and a little voice in my head answers: "Because you love him". ARGH! Stupid voice.





I thought that I was going to enjoy my summer vacation. Kick back, relax and all that stuff. I am relaxing, but when I'm not doing anything my mind tends to wander; and mre often than not, I keep on thinking about him. What he's doing, how he is, if he ever thinks about me, or if I ever cross his mind even for a split second....NO! STOP IT!






As odd and as mean as it sounds, I want to see him bleed as much as I did, and still do, as matter of fact. I want to see that he's really affected, I don't want to just hear him say, "Yeah, I got affected" because it's not enough. I want to SEE it; in his face, in his actions, in everything that he does. I want to see that I'm not the only one suffering from this problem of ours. I know it sounds harsh, but I'm still feeling a little bitter towards him.






*sigh*

I LOVE YOU. EVEN THOUGH YOUR KILLING ME

I'm breaking down. When will this end?

..will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?

Labels: crap, depression and tears, love thing, questions, relapse, RENT, shitty