LSS OF THE DAY: "FINALE B"

From: RENT [Movie/Musical]

How long has it been? Feels like forever to me






Honestly, everything's a blur to me now. I feel like I'm walking in a daze; everything seems so real, yet, unreal at the same time. Am I making any sense?





Sometimes I ask myself if what would have happened if I never agreed to take him back? Would things be different?





I used to love my solitude; those rare times when I could just kick back, relax and let my mind wander. But when that does happen, I find myself drifting back to our last conversation and before I even realize what's happening, the tears start falling.





It pains me to think that he's found a--replacement for me, for lack of better word; and after all that we've been through, he now only sees, and loves me, as a "friend". Now, tell me that doesn't hurt..I dare you.





One of my friends said that he's not over me; yeah, right. And he expects me to believe that? What a load of crap.





Try as I might, I can't get him off my mind. Somehow he's always being pushed back in. I've tried everything; making new friends, "flirting" with other guys (not THAT kind of flirting; my cousin says that I'm already flirting with them and I don't even know it!), even eyeing guys from a distance. But none of them work. At the back of my mind it's always, "But he doesn't have eyes just like him.." or "He's not as tall as him.." or "He's not as skinny as him..". I want that voice to just SHUT UP and leave me be.





I'm being incredibly stupid just by saying that I still love him, even though deep down, we'll never get back together again. There's something about him that makes it extremely difficult for me to move on. Maybe it was the time we spent together? Or all the fights, laughter and tears that we shared? Two years is a pretty long time too, you know..





I never thought that I'd reach a point in my life where I would feel this way; I'm so torn and utterly confused. I wish that this would never happen again.





I wish that the pain will go away, and never come back. This one heartbreak is enough to last me a lifetime, thank you very much.






"He doesn't love me..he doesn't love me.." Yeah, I should keep telling myself that.





I apologize for this post. I seriously need to get my life back in order before I kill myself. I'm serious. I'm depressed enough as it is..

Labels: depression and tears, growing pains, heartbreak, love thing, past love and new hate, RENT, shitty