LSS OF THE DAY: "WRITTEN IN THE STARS"

From: AIDA [Musical]

First "RENT", now "AIDA"; you guys better pray that this doesn't go on for long



*sigh* It's really over; it's been three weeks since we broke up but it feels like we just ended it today. Romeo and I had a long talk just awhile ago; lots of exclamaition points and question marks included so I was kinda imagining that we were screaming at each other. I don't know why, but we're having a bit of difficulty in "moving on" and I think that we finally got on each other's nerves. We agreed that we wouldn't talk for awhile; no seeing each other, no contact whatsoever. Needless to say, we parted on a sour note; partly my fault but I don't give a damn anymore.



I'm being stupid. He's a guy for crying out loud! MY WORLD ISN'T SUPPOSED TO REVOLVE AROUND HIM.



But why is it so hard to forget about him? Is it because I defended him from my parents? Is it because we were together for two years (minus the six or seven break-ups during that time; we broke up for a lot of reasons but I'd rather not discuss them here)? Is it because of everything that we've been through together? Is it because he was the guy with whom I had the longest relationship with? If those aren't the reasons, then why? Why, why, why?!



I want to forget about him. I want to see him without wishing that he was mine again. I want to smile when I hear that he has a new girlfriend instead of seething with jealousy. I want to see him without going weak in the knees. I want to think of him without crying my eyes out. I want to laugh at our memories together instead of longing to revive them once again. I want to be able to look him in the eye and tell him how happy I am for him instead of avoiding him everytimne we happen to meet by chance. I want to talk to him and hang out with him as we used to do when we were still friends. But, for some reason, I don't think that we will ever be friends again. We've been through so much and its pointless to end by just being friends.




If I agreed that we'll be friends, then to him its like I said, "I'm still going to wait for you"; when I turned him down on his "friend" offer, its like I said, "I've had enough. You've hurt me more times than you can ever imagine".



The thing that I don't like about myself is that when I do fall in love, I REALLY FALL IN LOVE. It took me a year to get over my first boyfriend even though we only lasted a week! And we lasted for two years; how long will it take for me to get over him?




I need your opinion. Do you think I did the right thing in telling him that we will never be friends? Or do you think I should have told him that I'm not ready for it yet? Did I do the right thing? Did HE do the right thing? Please tell me what you think. Don't flood my tagboard; use the "Comments" thingy below this post. Any feedback would be very much appreciated. If your gonna give me lecture or something, my e-mail address is on the right side of this page. Be sure to make your subject related to this or else I'll delete it right away.




And coincidentally, my LSS today matches my mood.

I'm here to tell you we can never meet again
Simple really, isn't it, a word or two and then
A lifetime of not knowing where or how or why or when
You think of me or speak of me and wonder what befell
The someone you once loved so long ago so well

Never wonder what I'll feel as living shuffles by
You don't have to ask me and I need not reply
Every moment of my life from now until I die
I will think or dream of you and fail to understand
How a perfect love can be confounded out of hand

Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime
Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time
For some God's experiment
In which we have no say
In which we're given paradise
But only for a day

Nothing can be altered, there is nothing to decide
No escape, no change of heart, no anyplace to hide

You are all I'll ever want, but this I am denied
Sometimes in my darkest thoughts, I wish I'd never learned
What it is to be in love and have that love returned

Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime
Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time

For some God's experiment
In which we have no say
In which we're given paradise
But only for a day

Damn. I feel like crying again. As if I haven't cried enough when we were talking.

"Love is like a narcotic. At first it brings the euphoria of complete surrender. The next day, you want more. You're not addicted yet, but you like the sensation, and you like you can still control things. You think about that person you love for two minutes, then forget them for three hours.
But then you gte used to that person, and you begin to be completely dependent on them. Now you think about him for three hours and forget him for two minutes. If he's not there, you feel like an addict who can't get a fix. And just as addicts steal and humiliate themselves to get what they need, you're willing to do anything for love".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then I will either wait for him or forget him.
Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering."


- Paulo Coelho, "By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept".

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Labels: AIDA, love thing