Saturday, February 10, 2007
@ 10:36 PM
How many times have I heard this song today? A LOT! Great. Patriotic, much? When my sister heard me singing it, she told me to change the song. Sorry, kiddo. No can do. It's really stuck in my head now.
The pictures I took while watching "Joseph" and during AB Week are now ready to be viewed:) Click here ~~> http://lauredilian.multiply.com
Okay, like I said yesterday, today is my lola's second death anniversary. Wow. It's been two years already? But I still feel as if it only happened yesterday. Or a few hours ago. I'm still in denial. I still can't accept the fact that she's gone. I know it's hard to believe; I may not look it, but deep down, I'm still clinging to that faint hope that she's still alive. Weird, yes. Stupid, yes. Dear lord please help me let go.
Her death was sudden; maybe that's the reason why I still can't accept it. Here's the scenario: on February 9, 2005 at 7p.m., we (my mom, Pats, and Mon) went to the hospital to visit her. She was ryshed there earlier that day because of a fever. But when we got there, her fever had subsided and she was as talkative and vibrant as ever. We greeted each other and then we started talking. She was so happy; her birthday was coming up, February 11, two days later. She couldn't stop asking about the preparations, the food, the guests, etc. She even started talking about her birthday the following year; she could have turned 75 on 2006. We talked, laughed and joked around. She said that she was to be discharged the next day, so she could have a day of rest before her party. You could tell that she was really excited about it 'coz she was saying these things as if she were an eight-year-old. She'd have that glint in her eye that makes people think that she isn't as old as she looks. She was young at heart. That was a fact.
We left the hospital in high spirits, her laughter still ringing in my ears. I remember praying to God that night, thanking Him for letting my lola live through that ordeal. Less than a month, she underwent angioplasty (surgery; something to do with the heart) and the doctors assured us that it would extend her lifespan. Needless to say that we were greatly relieved to hear that.
The next morning, while I was in my room, gathering my things while waiting for my service, someone knocked on my door. I found my sister standing in front of me, her face devoid of any emotion, but what she said made me stand still. Her voice was soft, and yet I had no trouble in understanding what she said.
"Lola died last night"
She turned and went to her room, while I just stood there, rooted to the spot. Her words echoed in my ears. "Lola died last night". I closed my door and sat on my bed. It came again; "Lola died last night". I covered my ears, hoping to block out those cursed words. But it didn't work; they kept on repeating and repeating over and over again. "Lola died last night". No! This can't be happening! I rocked back and forth, still sitting down and covering my ears. Please. Please say it isn't true! It took me two whole minutes to uncover my ears and stare at the wall. As I raised my eyes, the tears started pouring. I couldn't control them, they kept on flowing. I lay on my bed, and cried on my pillow. As I lay there, grief finally gripping my heart, I realized with a pang that the night before was our last time of seeing her alive. The last time I will ever see her smile. The l;ast time I will ever hear her laugh. The last time that I will ever get to kiss her "hello" and "goodbye". The last time that I will ever get to hold her hand. It felt as if someone was squeezing me heart; I couldn't breathe. I sobbed uncontrollably, my body heaving with emotion. Shakily, I stood up and left my room. My sister's room was open and I found her facing the wall, and my mom sitting on my brother's bed. Without a word, I sat near mom and fixed my gaze on the bedsheet. We were all crying. I didn't hear what they were talking about. When I couldn't take it anymore, I left them and looked for my brother. I found him in the T.V. room, sitting on the couch, tears pouring down his cheeks. I sat beside him, hugged him and I cried with him.
The rest of the day was a blur to me. I can't remember how I survived the whole day. I hardly smiled, I cried every five minutes, and I took the time to stare absent-mindedly at the floor. I went to the funeral parlor after class; it was then that the reality of the situation hit me right in the face, like someone slapped me with an iron glove. When I saw my beautiful grandmother lying in the casket, my legs turned to jelly and I leaned onto my dad for support. It was too much for me. My legs gave way and I had to sit or they would call for a stretcher. I stared at the coffin. I couldn't stop crying. I prayed over and over that everything was just a horrible dream. I wanted someone to pinch me or someone to at least say that we've been "Punk'd" or something. But nothing came. It was real. My lola was dead.
I was close with my lola. Pats, Mon and I were considered the "favorites" because we stayed in the same house as her for the most part of our lives. She'd always think about what we would like and so on. She really loved us and we loved her back. She was always there when we needed someone to talk to. And she was the one who inspired me to become an ambassador someday. I remember one time, there was a raffle going on in school. And I still haven't sold all my tickets, she came to our house in the middle of the night and bought all of them! She saved my life! She was loved by everyone because of her kind heart. A lot of people know her because of all the charity work she's done throughout the years. Everyone misses her. Especially us.
I really miss her.
We had a get-together this morning (pictures are in my Multiply), then we heard Mass in St. John. Then we went to the cemetery.
Oddly enough, our trip to the cemetery was very enjoyable. Tito Rudi and Tita Marissa went with us, their both siblings of my dad, and we laughed and joked the whole way; going to the cemetery and going home. All I can say is, if my dad's crazy, wait til you puth them all in the same room. Pandemonium. Hahahahaha!:)
Well, that's it y'all! Take care!:)