Tuesday, October 31, 2006
@ 12:30 PM
Hahahaha! No more typhoon!
I'm bored. I didn't do anything. Yet again. I mean, come on, do you expect me to go out to battle against the wind and the rain? Even I'm not stupid enough to do that.
I'ts Halloween!! We're gonna have a little Halloween party here later tonight. My brother and sister set up a lot of decorations and their okay. We just didn't have enough time to make a skeleton. Oh well. Hehehehe!:)
I'll update again tonight. Bye for now!:)
Saturday, October 28, 2006
@ 10:09 PM
14TH MONTHSARY:)
ENROLLMENT. I commuted from Fairview to UST. Yahooooooooo! Exaggerate much? Hahahaha!:)
The enrollment process was okay. I'm too tired to say everything. But I got pissed at Professor Shimamoto because she failed a lot of my classmates in her subject. Which is totally unfair because she failed them because of their behavior in class. So what?! They had good grades in the quizzes and tests and still they failed?! That's b******t! Did Shimi, die!
Went straight home after the enrollment. So tired.
TO ALL THE SENIORS OF DS WHO TOOK THE ENTRANCE EXAM FOR UST, I HOPE YOU GUYS PASS. I'LL BE PRAYING FOR ALL OF YOU:)
Woke up a little earlier than usual. I met with Romeo in the park around past 9. And we were both wearing yellow! But we didn't talk about wearing the same colors. Hahahaha!:) Spent the whole morning with him. Then we ate lunch in KFC in Nepo; again. Our favorite place to eat:) While we were eating, we kept on making guesses on if the next guy that passes is a "guy" or a "gay". Our guesses were pretty accurate. All for fun:)
When I got home, Dad drove me, Pats and Mon to CityHigh coz there was this "Bingo" thing going on. We didn't win anything. Oh well. Hehehehe!:) Had take-out from Jollibee, then went straight home.
I'm tired. So I'm off to bed!:)
Thursday, October 26, 2006
@ 6:42 PM
I'm in Manila right now. And I didn't get lost! Hahahaha!:) I left Dagupan around 10:30. Got here at 5:00. I had to take a taxi to my cousin's house.
Janel texted me awhile ago and told me that we could see our grades on the UST website. She texted me my grades and I was soooooo happy when I found out that I passed every subject! Even Economics! Ha! In your face Professor Estacio! Hahaha!:) Kiddin'!:)
I got a flat 1 in Literature and in Fitness! Damn! That was the biggest surprise EVER! The rest were okay.
I can sleep soundly tonight because I know that I passed every subject. No summer classes! Yahoo! But I really shouldn't be celebrating just yet; there's still the second semester. I heard we're gonna have a Filipino subject then. Oh dear lord, help me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SHIELA MABASA AND RAMSER DE VERA! MISS YOU GUYS!:)
CONGRATULATIONS TO KATHLEEN ROSE RAYOS FOR WINNING FIRST PLACE IN THE POEM-WRITING CONTEST IN UP SUBOL!
I love that song!:)
Didn't sleep very well. I woke up around past 2a.m. coz my stomach was hurting like hell. I ran to the bathroom and it was there that I realized that I had LBM. Sucks! I went to Dad's room so I could ask for medicine. I already slept around 4. My eyebags are huge!
By the way, just so you know, I changed my URL to "psychotic freak deviant" because that was a term I learned in Sociolgy. "Deviant" means pasaway. 'Nuff said. Hahahaha!:)
And I changed my blog skin because, well, I wanted to! Hehehe!:) And it really fits; I'm an Aries. Yeah!:) Hehehehe!:)
What's my agenda for today? Hmmmm. Let me see.. Watch T.V., surf the net, text, sleep, read, scan some of the photo albums we got from Bonuan last night---oh yeah! I forgot to mention that we went to our other house in Bonuan last night coz there was no water here in Tapuac so we took a bath there. Heehee!:) Mom wasn't there; she said she was in Manila, with her BOYFRIEND. Honestly, who does she think she's fooling? We all know she has a boyfriend (hell, everyone in DAGUPAN knows she has a boyfriend) and yet she still insists that he's just a "friend". Whatever! I'm not buying that; it's getting old. Anyways, we went snooping around her room (Dad still had his spare key to their room) and we opened her closet. The first thing that popped to my head was: "Mom wears briefs??" Coz their was this whole area of briefs in her closet! And her clothes aren't there! It's all her boyfriend's! Then we looked over to her couch and saw a pair of pants that certainly did not belong to Mom. And we found a doctor's bag somewhere near her cabinet (yes, the guy's a doctor; an anesthesiologist). After we were done from all the snooping, we got all the photo albums we wanted to take home with us. I got my baby pictures and the pictures of me when I went to Jakarta in the summer of '96. Then we went back here. Hahahaha!:)
TO IRIS AND FIONA: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO PAIN THERAPY FOR YOU GUYS! I'M STLL TRYING TO GET OVER MINE; SO PLEASE DON'T START NOW! IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU GUYS THEN I'LL TAKE THE BLAME FOR IT!
I'm off! G'day y'all!:)
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
@ 9:42 PM
It's Tuesday today. I can't remember the stuff I did yesterday coz I did absolutely nothing. And I mean NOTHING.
I'm feeling pretty guilty about something right now. Let's just say that I've underestimated a person whom I thought I knew so well; but then everything changed. And I don't know if I should be happy or upset about that change.
Oh yeah, I should say this; I ALMOST DIED. I think I went a little too far with my knife. I was this close to killing myself. Hmmm. Pain therapy's really made me an addict; an addict of pain. I'm beginning to think that I need professional help now. I'm too far gone.
Had dinner with Dad, Pats and Mon in Plato Wraps. I ordered the T-Bone Steak; it would have been good if my nose wasn't filled with snot! I've been blowing my nose non-stop for the past two days! I don't think it's ever gonna go away! Whenever I blow my nose my sister would say, "Is it just me, or is there an elephant in the house?". Hahahahaha!:)
Made a new friend last night (I slept at 1a.m. Hahahaha!); his name's Joseph. He used to be Romeo's classmate before he transferred to Mother Goose. Romeo gave him my number and he texted me. He's a nice guy; very polite. I asked him to just call me "Lui" a while ago. Good thing he agreed:) I'm really not used to people calling me "ate". I don't care if their really younger than me; calling me just by my nickname or my name is enough to make me happy. I guess it's because I grew up in an English-speaking family; I have a cousin who's 27 years old and I still call him by his first name. And so do all my other cousins.
Hmmm. Well, I guess that's it for now! I still have to blow my nose, yet again. So far, I've managed to finish up three rolls of tissue; in just one day. Waaaahooooo! Hahahahaha!:)
TTFN, Ta-Ta-For-Now!:)
Monday, October 23, 2006
@ 8:25 AM
I am such a sucker for Broadway:)
Didn't do anything. Seriously. Watched TV, surfed the net. That's it. Oh yeah, they tidied up the front lawn and the backyard. Looks a lot cleaner; but then again, everything looks..BALD. I'm not used to it. But I'm leaving soon anyway so by the time I get back here it'll be like they never "balded" it in the first place:) Hahahaha!:)
Oh yeah, and another thing, dad and I drank "MUDSHAKE". A chocolate drink with just 4% alcohol. Not much, but I still felt it in my throat. But it was YUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMYYY!! Thanks to Janel Encina for telling me about it!:)
Woke up pretty early. Romeo texted me and told me that he's not going to school; he's pretty sick. Fever and everything. Poor guy. I just told him to get lots of sleep.
I heard there's a "homecoming" thing happening in Dominican (today?). Batch '81. My dad graduated that year but he was in City High that time. He used to study in Dominican until fourth grade before he transferred. Speaking of City High, my dad told me and Pats that we were gonna play Bingo on Saturday. BINGO?! As in in B-I-N-G-O?! I don't enjoy playing that. Even my dad and Pats don't like it; but here's the catch: all the prizes (grand prize up to consolation prize) is CASH. Yeah, baby! They're in it for the money. And so am I! Hahahaha!:)
I didn't know that our dog had a name; I heard Ate Baby calling him a while ago. And guess what the name was? BROWNIE! Hahahaha!:) The first thing that popped into my head when I heard it was RAINIER. Hahahaha! MACHO BROWNIE!:) Why I call him that? It's a very long story. Hahahaha!:)
This Thursday, I'm going back to Manila coz Friday's my enrollment. I'm gonna stay in the dorm overnight. Yippee. Hahahaha.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
@ 7:10 PM
Here's what happened yesterday:
CHAMPIONSHIPS! CONGRATS TO THE SENIORS OF DOMINICAN SCHOOL FOR BEING THE OVER-ALL CHAMPIONS OF THE SPORTSFEST!:)
I had a lot of fun yesterday. I was cheering like crazy for the Juniors during the volleyball match. As I watched them, I noticed that some of the players had the same style and technique as my former classmates from high school. And I heard that they actually taught some of them the techniques they used before. Nice:) Ranier, Mark and Cledan accompanied me home; and as always, they started making fun of me and of each other. It was really hilarious!:)
Had dinner with mom, Pats and Monsi in Pizza Hut. Mmmmmm. Good:)
Went to school early coz they had the DanceSport competition and the search for Ms. UN. Hung out with a lot of people. Hahahaha!:) Then I spent the whole afternoon with Romeo; we were supposed to have our picture taken with Beverly and Megan but they couldn't make it. Oh well, there's always next time:)
okay, I'm tired. Gotta go!:)
Thursday, October 19, 2006
@ 8:50 PM
It's official: my sister's really gotten to me. The horror! Hahahaha!:)
It's the SportsFest of my friends in Dominican today. Cledan bugged me into going, but I had a lot of fun. Chatted with a lot of my old friends, and a lot of my former classmates from highschool went there. I missed them a lot!:) And it's their championships tomorrow. May the best team win:)
Sad to say, I haven't kept my promise. That I'll lay off the knife. All I can say is that it hurts like HELL. But, being the freak that I am, I like it. I did it in a spot where no one can tell that I'm wounded. Of course, I don't want people to raise their eyebrows at me when I use the "I-Scratched-Myself-Against-A-Sharp-Object-Excuse"; nah, that'll be too obvious.
As for the reason why I did it, that's strictly between me, myself and I. I'm not in the mood to open up about it. Maybe someday I just might type it here; just not now.
I don't think I'll ever stop hurting myself. Even though I promised oh so many times that I would, I don't think I'll be able to stop myself from doing it.
My knife...my constant companion..
Yeah..
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
@ 8:48 PM
I wasn't able to pig-out like I said. All I did was watch "Memoirs of a Geisha" (my first time to watch it), "Fantastic Four", "Les Miserables 10th Anniversary Concert" and "The Longest Day". Yup, that's all I did! HAHAHAHAHAHA!:)
Now, I'm gonna go to YouTube and look for an episode of "One Tree Hill" that I missed.
Buh-bye for now!:)
I really think that my sister's getting to me; all of my previous LSS lately are the songs that she's crazy about. God, help me.
Well, it's 12:30 in the afternoon; and here I am sitting in front of the computer, typing away; typing my wasted life away. i knew it was a mistake. I knew i was wrong. But did I listen? Hell no. Right now my conscience is getting the better of me. If only I can just pluck up the courage to pick up my cell phone, type those words that would turn everything around, and send it to...someone.
I don't plan on going out today. It's too hot and in the words of Jobert yesterday, I look like a "burnt banana". Hahahaha! How true. Cledan kept on pestering me last night that I should go to the school but I declined. I told him that I'll just go tomorrow.
I threw a really big "bitch fit" (I got that from "White Chicks") last night. Read my post before this and you'll see why. I really want to stop doing my "pain therapy". A lot of people probably think that I'm gonig insane because of it. Honestly, they're right. I need to find another way on how to cope with my problems; anything but the knife. I've bled too much already. I've wasted a lot of my blood. If only I could gather all the blood I let out you'd be surprised at the amount. Even I'm not so sure of how much it is all in all.
Here are the lyrics of the song that Pats got me hooked up with now. It sooooooo goes well with what I'm feeling.
LET ME FALL
It's October again
Leaves are coming down
One more year's come and gone
And nothing's changed at all
Wasn't I supposed to be someone
Who can face the things that I've been running from...
Let me feel, I don't care if I breakdown
Let me fall, even if I hit the ground
And if I...
Cry a little
Die a little
At least I know I lived, just a little...
I've become much too good at being invincible
I'm an expert at play it safe, and keep it cool
But I swear this isn't who I'm meant to be
I refuse to let my life roll all over me...
Let me feel, I don't care if I breakdown
Let me fall, even if I hit the ground
And if I...
Cry a little
Die a little
At least I know I lived, just a little...
I wanna be somebody
I, I wanna be somebody
I wanna be somebody
I, I wanna be somebody who can face the things that
I've been running from
Let me feel, I don't care if I breakdown
Let me fall, even if I hit the ground
And if I
Cry a little
Die a little
At least I know I lived...
It's October again
Leaves are coming down
One more year's come and gone
And nothing's changed at all...
-----Bethany Joy Lenz ("Haley" from "One Tree Hill")
Yeah. It goes really well.
I plan to pig-out today. I've lost a lot of weight ever since I left for Manila. A lot of people said so. And now I'm gonna bring it all back! Coz when I get back to my dorm, I'm gonna skip meals all over again.
So, cheers!:)
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
@ 9:34 PM
Why am I feeling this way?
Why does it feel like my heart's being ripped apart?
Why does it feel like I've been stabbed by white-hot knives?
Why does it feel like I'm falling into an abyss, while spiraling out of control?
Why does it feel like all my energy has been sucked out from me?
Why does it feel like I'll never be happy again?
Why are these tears falling, thick and fast?
Why do I feel so empty?
Why can't I hear anyone?
Why can't I feel anything?
Why can't I see?
Why can't I shout?
WHY AM I FEELING THIS WAY?
The pain...the sweet pain...I feel it...I feel the need to look for it...To look for the one thing that will truly make me happy...The one thing that I press against my skin so my blood can flow freely...I need it...I need...MY KNIFE...
PAIN THERAPY...
But I must not do it...I musn't!...I'm going insane!...Why am I like this?...Is it because of a person?..An event?...A thing?...Honestly, I don't even know...I don't know what triggered my "suicidal-alter-ego"...I need to find out what made me this way...I swore that I would never look for it; that I would never seek it out even when I desperately need it...Of all the times for my "other side" to work up, why now?...I need to put a stop this...
This must end...NOW...
Woke up around past 10. So this is what it's like; sembreak. Oh well.
Went to my lola's house in Arellano so I could work on my piano-playing. It's been awhile, but I still know how to read notes, thank goodness!:)
Then I went to the school; saw my friends, we talked, and made fun of each other as always. There were some people who I wasn't looking forward to seeing again. but I did see themn anyway. Oh well. We can't get everything we want, right? And again, on my way home I had my "bodyguards"; same guys as yesterday, except that MacJefferson got replaced by Richard Silva. I couldn't stop laughing as we walked back here coz they were so much fun to be with! I'm not going to the school tomorrow; I'm feeling lazy to go out. Hahahaha!:)
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention this on my post yesterday:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MARLON JOSELITO ROBERTO F. MOLANO!
Damn, that was a mouth-full! Hahahaha!:)
Monday, October 16, 2006
@ 9:02 PM
Woke up at past 11 today. I am such a sleepyhead. Hahahahaha!:) I pretty much stayed glued to the computer through most of the day; chatted, read FanFic, helped Iris get started on her blog, went to YouTube, and that's it. At around quarter to 5 I went to Dominican; met with Cledan and the gang. I really missed those guys. Had a chat with Melanie, Biboy, Jamy, Ms. Manaois and a whole lot of other people. Stayed there until 6. The funny thing was, on my way home, I had an "entourage"; well, "bodyguards" is the term that would best suit them. Hahahaha!:) They were:
- Cledan Rosario
- Rainier Festejo
- Romeo Zamora
- Eddxer Valenzuela
- Pedyson de Leon
- Mac Jefferson Macalanda
It was really nice of them to accompany me home. I'll never forget this day. Hahahahaha!:) Right now I'm listening to "One Day More" on YouTube. I love this song. And one of the lead characters is so bloody handsome! And one of the lead guy characters voice is sooooooooooo bone-chillingly beautiful! I can't get enough of this! I love Michael Maguire and Michael Ball!!!!
"Tomorrow is the judgement day,
Tomorrow we'll discover what our God in heaven has in store...
One more dawn...
One more day...
ONE DAY MORE...."
Sunday, October 15, 2006
@ 9:23 PM
Yeah. I know. It's a "Hannah Montana" song. But I heard Patricia playing it this morning even beforeI woke up! I think I was half-asleep half-awake when she played it. Now it won't get out of my head!! ARRRGGGHHH!
I went to this site that Professor Peppin mentioned before; DAMN. I can't believe how desperate people get just to experience the "highest attainment of pleasure" (I got that from Professor Doctor Co). It's really disgusting. I'm not gonna mention the site here.
Didn't do anything the whole day. Pats and I went to Nepo to buy food from KFC and Jollibee coz we didn't have food in the house. Then we spent the whole afternoon eating ice cream while watching the extended version of "Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring". I can't believe that I still memorize all the lines! Pats and I tried doing them and we still managed to get all the lines right plus the actions and facial expressions; we even tried to imitate their voices! It was really fun:)
Had dinner in Matutina's with Pats, Mon and Mom. I'm soooooooooooooooo full!
That's all. Hahahaha!:)
Saturday, October 14, 2006
@ 8:56 PM
Well, I woke up pretty early, considering that I slept at 1 in the morning last night because of fixing my blog. Hahahaha!:) Yeah, I've added a lot of stuff in it. Lots of moving things. I like it. I don't care if I overload it or anything; it's my blog so why should anybody care?:p
Spent the whole morning in front of the computer and I spent the whole afternoon in the mall with Romeo.
Pats, Mon, Dad and I had dinner in JamSweetJam. Mmmmmm. I missed their lengua:)
I'm feeling depressed; I don't know why. I just feel so sad now; whenever I see my favorite show or hear my favorite song, nothing happens. I feel so...empty. I wanna start taking anti-depressants but I'm not gonna risk me turning into a nut.
That's all I can say for now. I'm sooo tired. But I'm gonna experiment with my blog for awhile. I'm gonna find out what else I can put here. This is gonna be interesting:)
Buh-bye!:)
Friday, October 13, 2006
@ 10:33 PM
Whooooooooohhhhooooooooo! Finals are over! Party to the max people! Hahahaha!:)
Well, a lot's happened since my last post. But some of them, I really don't wanna say right now.
*SIGH*
A lot of people assume that I have the "perfect life". They say that because I'm always smiling and I seem to have no worries. Well, if truth be told, my life is FAR from perfect. I only smile if I really need to; and that happens a lot now; don't know why. Sometimes I wish I could dissapear; get away from this world; get away from everything. I want my own life. I don't want other people dictating what I should do. I'm not their slave, and yet their making me one. I don't understand. I want to break free from the chains that have kept me down for so many years. But sadly, I don't have the strength to do that. I'm getting weaker. Yes, I am getting weaker. I admit it. I admit defeat. I surrender. I can't take it anymore. I've been crying every night for the past two weeks, or more. The pain that I'm going through is too much for me to bear. I want to let everything go. I want to release the monster that has been raging inside of me. I want to fly away; far away. Where no onw will find me. No one...
I HAVE A PROBLEM. I am addicted to PAIN. I know that I said that I couldn't take it anymore, but there is something so intoxicating about it that makes me want more; it's like a drug. I've been doing my "pain therapy" more often than before. And I think I may have hurt myself pretty seriously now. The wound's a little deeper than the ones I had before. If I keep this up, I might "accidentaly" kill myself. Accidentaly? Hmmmm...
Before I end my post, I just want to share with you people I video I posted before. To those who haven't seen it yet, here's your chance. To those who have already seen it, you can see it again if you want. I know you guys will like this. After my depressing post, you guys really need to lighten up:)
Thursday, October 05, 2006
@ 3:48 PM
YAHOO! CHAMPION! GO USTe! GO USTe! GO USTe!
The game was awesome! We were all gasping and screaming our lungs out while watching the game. And the overtime was so full of suspense! But it was great. Good game:)
Nothing really happened in October 3, so I'm not gonna include it.
Well, the day started out pretty boring. Oh yeah, we were allowed to wear yellow shirts and jeans to school. And also last October 2 and 3. Well, an incident happened in English. Let's just say that a certain classmate of mine, the very same classmate whom I cursed in my old post last, last month (I think), got into an "argument" with Professor Shimamoto. And that arguement cost the grades of four of my classmates. It's kinda hard to explain. He was sent to the SWDP office along with the four of them. All I can say is, WHATEVER SHIMI. YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT YOU KNOW. YOU THINK YOUR SO HIGH UP JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU HAVE "POWER" OVER US. WHATEVER.
Finals in P.E. Flat one:)
VICTORY PARTY!
Yup, we had a victory party in honor of the Growling Tigers. There was a concert in school; one really big party! We left the dorm a little late coz Ate Kaye had a minor case of "not-knowing-what-to-wear--in-case-my-boyfriend-won't-feel-so-insecure" syndrome. When we got to the school, the concert was already starting. We passed by the route going to the AB building coz we wanted to check out the fountain. It was really nice. People were running back and forth over it so they got pretty wet. But it still looked like fun:) When we got to the front of tha main building where the stage had been set up, there was a lot of people! We had to squeeze through a lot of sweaty bodies just to get to a good spot. The Emcees droned on and on and on and on. Finally, the Growling Tigers showed up! Damn! Everyone went crazy! All the players were SO GOOD LOOKING! I think I have a crush on Ababou. Hmmmmm. Nah. Hehehehehe!:) Then the fireworks display; 6 whole minutes of fireworks, not to mention smoke. According to the rumors, the school spent almost half a million pesos just for the fireworks. Whoa. After the fireworks, the bands started to play. There was Dish, Sophia, SoapDish, and of course, the main event, PAROKYA NI EDGAR!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHH!! GUAPO NI CHITO!!!!! We didn't finish watching the concert though. We left at around 9:30 coz we didn't wanna be late for curfew.
We didn't do anything today. No Theology and no Economics. We had a lesson in BES but we got bored out of our minds! And in Sociology, as always, the best ever Professor Peppin was there to lighten up our day! It was our last meeting with her. Awwwww:'( I'm gonna miss her.
That's all! Our final exmas are gonna be on October 10-13. Better start studying! Asa pa! Hehehehehe!:)
Sunday, October 01, 2006
@ 6:04 AM
It's 6a.m.! WAHHHHOOOOOO!!! Hehehehe:) As always, I'm gonna be leaving for Manila pretty soon. Mom's gonna pick me up, drop me off at the bus station and I'm off! It might be awhile before I can update again. It's gonna be a pretty hectic week coz our finlas are almost here. And I wo't be coming home next week coz I gotta study! *cough*ECO!*cough*ECO!*
Stayed up until past11 last night. I couldn't stay up as lats as I used to. I'm pretty tired most of the time.
My eyes are so swollen; I cried last night. Well, Romeo and I got into a fight. Let's just say that some of the stuff we fought about before made a really big comeback; and he could be a wee bit paranoid sometimes. That's all I can say concerning that matter. But we're okay now. We resolved it last night. I think we started arguing around 9p.m. and we made up shortly before 11. He's texting me right me now. Since 5:30. Hay. I soooooooooo love this guy. Hehehehe:)
Gotta scoot! My brother's cooking my breakfast; he woke up a little earlier than me so he could get started. How sweet is that?:) Pancakes. Mmmmmm:)
'Til next time, folks! Oh yeah, just in case I won't be updating until next week, I'm just gonna say:
GO USTe! GO USTe! GO USTe! GO!GO!GO!GO!
GO USTe! GO USTe! GO USTe! GO!GO!GO!GO!
GO GROWLING TIGERS!
VIVA LA LIGA EL TOMASINO!
TTFN, Ta-Ta For Now!:)